What are healthy ways to express anger?

thegiver

Wed, Nov 13 2019, 10:40 pm

For both parents and children but particularly how to teach kids to not hit or become violent towards things or each other. My 6 yo dd needs some guidance. Generally expressing anger is assur. The emotion itself is not right?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 9:31 am

For such young children, I think physical before mental. You can teach them the feeling - when you get angry that is when your heart is going fast, you feel flushed, and your thoughts are that person is mean, he did XYZ to me and I didn't like it.

And then, you can show him some things to do - like exercise, be mad in front of a mirror and see yourself that its not nice. Run and jump, run up and down steps a lot, bang your pillow, yell in your room. I think that letting it out physically is the first step to teaching a child to stop and change gears.

pizza4

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 9:42 am

Right. I tell my kids this way: it's ok to feel angry, but you can't hurt anyone because you're angry.
Anger is good. It shows you that something is wrong. The trick is how to deal with it, to channel it to fix the problem.
So after hearing about the problem, we come up with solutions. Sometimes I ask the kid to draw it, other times we make a list of ideas together.

pizza4

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 9:43 am

Ideas of better ways to express anger that don't hurt people in the way, some examples the ima above wrote.

amother

White

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 10:24 am

Give him soft plush little toys to throw at an empty wall till his anger let's up. He can even scream while throwing, It really helps. After he's calmed down, talk about it and come up with idea's of how he can control himself from hurting others. I actually got this tip from a therapist.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:01 am

I teach my kids to use I statements.

I feel ABC when you do XYZ.....

It's a way of expressing without getting the other person angry, because it's about me. And I need to express myself so my own anger doesn't escalate.

Bitachon123

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:11 am

Per the book ''How to speak so kids will listen....'' its okay to express your anger in words, just dont make it personal. Stick to how you feel. I think its healthy to share your emotions with kids (most of the time), after all, its part of being human.

eg. Say - I'm so angry, I hate when xxx happens, it makes me so mad!!

I try to encourage my kids to do the same. End of the day they will copy what they see you do.

amother

Rose

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:32 am

Bitachon123 wrote:

eg. Say - I'm so angry, I hate when xxx happens, it makes me so mad!!

This. It’s the best way I found to cope with anger. I did not grow up with anger because I wasn’t allowed to show it. I was good out of fear. But anger is real and shouldn’t be suppressed because it eventually comes out in unpleasant ways.

So I say “having to say something over and over again makes me angry!” “I am really angry right now!”

And yes, the book How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk helps a lot.

LovesHashem

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:41 am

Ripping up old newspapers or drawing your feelings. Taking some black and red strong markers and just coloring feels good.

Also throwing stuffed animals, screaming into a pillow. Running around, like run around the block once or twice. Or doing some type of physical exercise, shooting some hoops etc.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:50 am

Unpopular opinion: Not every feeling needs to be expressed. Children shouldn't be taught to repress everything, but occasionally having to fake a smile is part of being a member of human society.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Nov 14 2019, 11:52 am

excessive rage can be a symptom of neuroinflammation, with or without impulsivity issues