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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Do you decorate the Yichud room?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 2:41 am
I can see why people would react with "Uch, yet one more thing we have to be competitive about! When will it end?"

On the other hand, if the friends are up for a fun, artsy project, then why not? Nobody is saying that this has to be the new standard.

My yichud room was a small storage room, complete with mops, brooms, and a couple of ladders. The only thing nice about it was the fruit and cookie plate. We didn't even get champagne or anything. Flowers would have been nice, or at least a white tablecloth. It was a bit of a let down. Confused
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:43 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
The curse of Imamother strikes again.

Why does this bother you all so much? The kallah has requested a pretty, special space in which to make her first memories with her new DH. It won't cost much, it won't take long - exactly what is your problem???????????
Couldn't have said it better!!!
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amother
Azure


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:52 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I can see why people would react with "Uch, yet one more thing we have to be competitive about! When will it end?"

On the other hand, if the friends are up for a fun, artsy project, then why not? Nobody is saying that this has to be the new standard.


But that's exactly what happens. All the friends who were asked to decorate the yichud room now know it's a "thing" and expect it from their friends. In ten years, it moves from being a "thing" to being an "inyan."

And then ten years after that, it's a minhag. After all, Hashem decorated Har Sinai with flowers for Matan Torah, the symbolic marriage of Hashem and the Jewish people. So obviously the kallah must have a room filled with flowers.

Stop the insanity now.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:56 am
I say that about all the novelties I read here. Glad to see INTELLIGENT LIFE!
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amother
Peach


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:12 am
Where does it mention anything about friends???
Maybe it was her mother, sister or mil that posted the question, unless I missed that detail
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amother
Pink


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:30 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
So childish and immature. She has an entire wedding hall filled with beautiful decorations and all her guests, and she has to make her friends work extra so she can have special (read: tacky) decorations in the yichud room, at a time when the last thing she should be caring about is the decorations.

Is this a new social media trend that brides need to get on in order to stay relevant?

Posting anon because this is so specific.

When my best friend got married, the fifth Harry Potter book had just been released the Friday night before (they got married on a Sunday). It was a huge deal and my best friend and her husband and I joked about them wanting to read the book in their yichud room. So I preordered 3 copies - one for me and two for them, and wrapped a “chasson/kallah” set and left it in their yichud room. This was waaaaaaay before social media. And they loved it.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:37 am
OY. It's weird. Like thhey have nothing else
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:37 am
also unpaid people do not work at your wedding
if you want decor, do it or pay it
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:38 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
The curse of Imamother strikes again.

Why does this bother you all so much? The kallah has requested a pretty, special space in which to make her first memories with her new DH. It won't cost much, it won't take long - exactly what is your problem???????????

This.
If the kallah asked for it - you do it. Different people have different tastes.
Its not such a crazy request. Seems pretty reasonable to me.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:29 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
"the kallah has requested"

There's enough effort , time and money people pour into this wedding. Decorating the yichud room is so completely unnecessary. Why is it wrong to tell the kallah .. no won't happen?
Yes, the wedding is all about the bride and groom but she doesn't have to milk it.
Her husband will be there, isn't that enough? If it isn't maybe there should be no wedding at all. Can't Believe It


I would probably be on the ‘so crazy’ bandwagon here (not as strongly as some of you though) if not for the fact that my brother just got married and I missed the whole beginning of the chuppa cleaning up the Yichud room! Making sure it was atleast decent - it had tissues on the floor and tons of the makeup ladies stuff all over-

So I’ll flip it for you- so much is being taken care of for the wedding, decor etc. don’t you think a pleasant yichud room should be on the list? It shouldn’t be an after thought.

Ftr- I’m thinking a small vase with flowers and some food laid out nicely, not streamers etc but to each their own. My mother had it on her list to check it before the chuppa at every wedding.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:44 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
I would probably be on the ‘so crazy’ bandwagon here (not as strongly as some of you though) if not for the fact that my brother just got married and I missed the whole beginning of the chuppa cleaning up the Yichud room! Making sure it was atleast decent - it had tissues on the floor and tons of the makeup ladies stuff all over-

So I’ll flip it for you- so much is being taken care of for the wedding, decor etc. don’t you think a pleasant yichud room should be on the list? It shouldn’t be an after thought.

Ftr- I’m thinking a small vase with flowers and some food laid out nicely, not streamers etc but to each their own. My mother had it on her list to check it before the chuppa at every wedding.


There's a big gap between having the room neat and presentable and asking people to decorate it for you. If the hall doesn't have a dedicated yichud room, then family members ought to clean up after themselves before the wedding starts.

I agree that it is right to make sure the room looks nice and has food laid out. A bride who requests more than that comes off as more focused on the wedding than on her new husband. Maybe she's not, but I wouldn't be impressed.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 4:47 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
But that's exactly what happens. All the friends who were asked to decorate the yichud room now know it's a "thing" and expect it from their friends. In ten years, it moves from being a "thing" to being an "inyan."

And then ten years after that, it's a minhag. After all, Hashem decorated Har Sinai with flowers for Matan Torah, the symbolic marriage of Hashem and the Jewish people. So obviously the kallah must have a room filled with flowers.

Stop the insanity now.


ITA. How do you think the Lag B'omer, Tu b'shvat gifts, tnoyim parties, grand sheva brochos parties and the like started. Was it a grand announcement to an entire community that a new thing is now the norm, or did it happen one by one, with one girl bragging to the other and suddenly no one wanted to feel left out. And now we go around collecting money so no poor Kallah should feel less than.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:17 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Posting anon because this is so specific.

When my best friend got married, the fifth Harry Potter book had just been released the Friday night before (they got married on a Sunday). It was a huge deal and my best friend and her husband and I joked about them wanting to read the book in their yichud room. So I preordered 3 copies - one for me and two for them, and wrapped a “chasson/kallah” set and left it in their yichud room. This was waaaaaaay before social media. And they loved it.

This is something totally different than what’s being discussed.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:46 pm
I've heard of family, friends etc making sure there was easy good food for couple to break fast on. not silly decorations. like the chupa, hall etc are all elegant and step into the yichud room and looks like a girls bday party, or a valentine's day room decor. for real?
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amother
Navy


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:03 pm
Why all the bashing? Chill! This woman wants advice. Im assuming its the MIL- please stop bashing her new daughter in law. It was a simple yes or no question looking for advice on how to please the kallah.
For my siblings we prepared a big chest of food and Bride/Groom or Mr./Mrs nicknacks to take along to the apartment or hotel after the wedding. Maybe you can prepare something like that and display it in the yichud room.
Some things we have included were
mugs, flip flops, towels, tumblers, caps, soda can wraps
mostly purchased at oriental trading, x-mas tree shops or amazon
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:16 pm
Thanks
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 26 2019, 8:44 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
ITA. How do you think the Lag B'omer, Tu b'shvat gifts, tnoyim parties, grand sheva brochos parties and the like started. Was it a grand announcement to an entire community that a new thing is now the norm, or did it happen one by one, with one girl bragging to the other and suddenly no one wanted to feel left out. And now we go around collecting money so no poor Kallah should feel less than.


don't count on me
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:35 am
chanchy123 wrote:
This.
If the kallah asked for it - you do it. Different people have different tastes.
Its not such a crazy request. Seems pretty reasonable to me.


The kallah asked for it, you do it

LOL LOL LOL

Unless she's a dictator.. not gonna happen.
It's her special day but she can tone it down. The people around her aren't her slaves or maids. People don't have to make every wish a kallah has come true.
That's how you raise spoiled entitled brats. There's enough of them out there.
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