Large Families-How to be present emotionally for each child?

ShishKabob

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 1:27 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

I think it also depends on the child's personality. Some kids crave a lot more attention.

And they are usually the ones that rebuff any attempt by the mother to dispense it. Tough call.

Amalia

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:19 pm

keym wrote:

I have a medium size family.
Honestly, you have to prioritize it and find the time for it, same like anything else.
My younger 2 come home much earlier than my older ones so I try to spend time with them, involve them in cooking, cleaning and laundry, talk about their day for a bit.
My older ones know they can talk to me when they come home, but if they wait until 8, they'll get better attention.
It also means listening when they talk.
A role model of mine told me that at night she jots down bullet points of what the kids talked about so the next day she can reference it.
"Did you play dump trucks with Shmuly again like yesterday?"
"How did that thing with "Chani's notes work?"
Trying to remember in advance what will happen also.
"How was the macaroni at lunch?"
Specific questions that give a kid the feeling that you care, remember, and interested. It also gets the conversation moving.
I ask for chore help and the reward is shmoozing with me. Who wants to fold laundry WITH me? Who wants to help me clean the kitchen?

This is so useful, thank you!

Amalia

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:25 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I’d rather ask Social Media Addict with a child- how to be present emotionally for ur child.

I’m one of 13 and consider myself to be well emotionally balanced. I believe I’m super independent thanks to growing up in a large family. I’ve also been blessed with survival skills and amazing coping skills thanks to our bz bz household... aaaaand in addition to parents I had the emotional support And love of 12 sibs! Woohoo!!!

What op is asking probably is how can u control the lives of ur kids of u have a large family. If ur a helicopter parent than large family can be super duper draining to have to hear about every spat that ur kid had and deal with every tiny issue.

So far the cushioned children of helicopter parents haven’t shown to be leaders, independent thinkers and resilient and fit for the real world....definitely something to think about.

I am glad growing up in a big family worked well for you. Your parents must have done many things right!

Do you have sources for what you stated in the last paragraph?

And who says that the goal of parenting is to raise leaders?

amother

Orchid

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 7:23 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

This is why I cant understand how people that grew up in big families have a lot of kids. I will never be convinced they get enough attention, never. Someone here once posted shes one of 10 and every kid felt like an only child. Um...not possible. I wonder what the other kids would say if she got all the attention. Mothers at pta are always surprised that I know everything going on in school. Isnt that what mothers are for?! Dont u want ur kids to have unlimited time with u??

Ruchel wrote:

You can't feel like an only child without being one.

But you can be very happy with your experience

I don’t know if this amother is referring to me, but I have said it. I am one of 13 and each one of us has said we felt like an only child. We had that discussion when we were sitting shiva for my mother, so it’s too late to ask her how she did it. I know what she would say anyway, “I don’t know”. LOL

Ruchel, when I say we felt like an only child, it means our mother made us feel like one. She actually was an only child herself.