Asking people to put us guests mid week

amother

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 8:48 am

We are making a simcha this week. Trying not to give away too many details. I have family 2-3 hours awag. They are asking to drive in the night before and be put up by a friend or neighbor for 1 night. Thing is I dont have a single person that I feel comfortable asking to put up 5-7 people mid week. This isnt necessary they way a shabbos simcha is. This is just so people can drive at a more convenient time for them (while inconveniencing others who need to put them up)
Should I get over myself and call some neighbors? Or tell them I dont feel comfortable to pls just drive in the day of?

simcha2

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 8:52 am

Yes. Try and accommodate them. A 3 hour drive (guessing thanksgiving is involved) so potentially much longer with traffic is exhausting. They want to enjoy your simcha.

If people say no, you can tell them you couldn't find a place for them. Alternatively you can see if there are reasonably priced hotels available and let them know that's an option.

But trying shows that you care about the effort they are making to attend your simcha.

mommyhood

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:04 am

I think it’s a reasonable request. It’s hard to drive there and back for a simcha especially if you’re talking this week with holiday traffic. We actually skipped a simcha with a similar drive on a legal holiday because I just couldn’t fathom sitting in a car for 8+ hours which is what it took other relatives that went.

Last edited by mommyhood on Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:06 am; edited 1 time in total

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:06 am

You can call people and ask, and they can say no if it doesn't work for them.

Also, do they all have to be put up in one place? Not everyone has that much space. Maybe you can ask some people if they have room for 2-3 people, and another person for same....

groisamomma

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:32 am

I don't see the big deal. It's only for sleeping, right? I'd sooner do that than Shabbos if I had the spare bedroom.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:34 am

do you have a community yahoogroup or whatsapp group. I would probably just post on there instead of actually making phonecalls but that's my community.

amother

Silver

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:37 am

I personally think this is a bit odd. Why can't they sleep in a hotel for one night? If a friend called and asked me for this favor that's what I'd be thinking.

thanks

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:40 am

You can also suggest a nearby hotel.

I had a hard time once finding housing for a simcha mid-week. (Wasn't actually my simcha, was helping a relative whose son was marrying someone in my city.) Many neighbors had no problem giving their guestrooms for shabbos, but do not like people coming in and out during the week.

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 9:55 am

When you live out of town, these kinds of requests aren't odd at all. Do you have friends who asked, "Let us know how we can help"? This might be one good way.

Mazel tov!

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:12 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I personally think this is a bit odd. Why can't they sleep in a hotel for one night? If a friend called and asked me for this favor that's what I'd be thinking.

What happened to good old-fashioned Hachnosas Orchim? I see nothing odd about it. I would say yes if it worked for me, and no if it didn't.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:13 am

If your friends don’t have separate entrances to guest quarters you are invading their privacy by having your guests walk in and out.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:28 am

I have guest space that often sits empty all week. I'd be perfectly happy to have a family sleep over. I'm assuming that they would be on their own for meals, though. Asking someone to feed a family during the week seems like an imposition. But if your neighbors are ok with hosting on shabbos, why not during the week?

amother

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:30 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

If your friends don’t have separate entrances to guest quarters you are invading their privacy by having your guests walk in and out.

Yes and im the morning on a school day no less. I also think its odd that they are not just staying in a hotel especially since they arent people who are struggling. Im a bit resentful to be asked this as im making a simcha. It's putting me in an awkward position...

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:49 am

I was thinking some more about this...maybe some of OP's discomfort may come from the fact that in some circles, alot of this is reciprocal. Like, if someone asks me to host their company for their Simcha, I would feel comfortable asking them to host B"EH for mine.

So if I'm not comfortable hosting weekday company, and I ask someone to host for me on a weekday, I can be in an uncomfortable position should they need the favor returned.

OOTforlife

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, I think this would rub many people the wrong way. If someone asked me to put up a stranger mid-week, I would simply assume that there was some reason: the person couldn't afford a hotel, none were available nearby, the person lacked a vehicle or was unable to drive. But if the whole reason was that they just wanted to be thrifty and save $150 that was of no significance to them in the big picture, that would be very off-putting.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:15 am

OOTforlife wrote:

Unless the hotels are really far out and not in town.
Would someone really want to be put up in a persons home rather than a hotel if they can afford it? I can't wrap my head around it. I'd rather not impose if I have the choice.

OP, how do you know that right this minute they are not struggling with extra cash? You never ever know.

Mazel Tov on your simcha!

amother

Ruby

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:19 am

ShishKabob wrote:

There are definitely people who are of the mentality that paying for hotels should be avoided if there is an alternative.

And if you are accustomed to being 'put up' for smachot - even harder to swallow the idea of a hotel.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:23 am

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

So all you have to do is send a text to a certain amount of people. If you don't get a response or you get negative responses, you can tell your guests that you tried putting them up but you weren't successful. They can then decide if they want to go to a hotel or drive that same day. Don't make it 'your' issue. You do what you can and that's that.
Bhatzlcha

groovy1224

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:25 am

I'd be more annoyed that they only asked me this now, a few days before the simcha, then about the request itself.. I get why they wouldn't want to drive to you and back all in one day. I'd say take 15 minutes, text 3 or 4 friends and ask but if they can't do it, you've done enough.