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Cant stand how much money it costs to be frum
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:38 pm
Between paying tuition, buying house within the airuv, food etc and shaitels god d*** expensive shaitels even the "cheap" ones. Dh and I make very good salaries but this life is too expensive! Punch Punch
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:40 pm
I feel your pain. It really is expensive. Planning a Simcha now.
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:48 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
I feel your pain. It really is expensive. Planning a Simcha now.


The other day I was schmoozing with someone about this and she said her son's wedding was a simcha for everyone but her because no one, not even her dh, knew how in debt they were from it. This was a simple simcha, mind you.

I hear you, OP. It boggles the mind.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 10:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Between paying tuition, buying house within the airuv, food etc and shaitels god d*** expensive shaitels even the "cheap" ones. Dh and I make very good salaries but this life is too expensive! Punch Punch


It's not so much that this is what it costs to be frum. It's more like this is what we've made frum life out to be. And that's the frustrating part. It's all our doing, and nothing to do with the Torah, yiddishkeit or frum life.
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naomi2




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:02 pm
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
It's not so much that this is what it costs to be frum. It's more like this is what we've made frum life out to be. And that's the frustrating part. It's all our doing, and nothing to do with the Torah, yiddishkeit or frum life.

Tuition, food, and housing in a frum community is unavoidably expensive. Additionally, Having large families is part of our culture. The cost of living frum life has very little to do with keeping up with the jones's
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:03 pm
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
It's not so much that this is what it costs to be frum. It's more like this is what we've made frum life out to be. And that's the frustrating part. It's all our doing, and nothing to do with the Torah, yiddishkeit or frum life.


It's frustrating that the previous generation set the tuition so high for the rest of us that came later! That's the one thing I can't cut down and I know others pay way more than we do.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:07 pm
groisamomma wrote:
It's frustrating that the previous generation set the tuition so high for the rest of us that came later! That's the one thing I can't cut down and I know others pay way more than we do.

It costs money to run a school.

How is that the fault of the previous generation?
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amother




Emerald


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:08 pm
*frum in America
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:19 pm
naomi2 wrote:
Tuition, food, and housing in a frum community is unavoidably expensive. Additionally, Having large families is part of our culture. The cost of living frum life has very little to do with keeping up with the jones's


Housing - we don't need to cram into small areas and create our own ghettos. We can slowly and gradually expand outwards, thereby keeping costs at bay.

Food - if not for the need to have multiple hashgochos & chumros on many of our products, food prices wouldn't be as high as they are. Granted, they'd be higher than nonkosher, but not to the extent they are now.

Clothing - why the need for higher end stuff? There are plenty of cheaper options available. And if we'd all be aiming for the lower priced ones, there would be more local stores accommodating that need with lower priced tznius stuff.

Simchas - Can we only celebrate milestones with extravagant affairs? Bar Mitzvahs, weddings, sheva brochos can all be cut down drastically.

Seminary - if it's so crucial to the development of the child, incorporate the lessons into the 12 grade curriculum.

Yom Tov expenses - Chol Hamoed, price of matzohs, chanukah parties, mishloach manos, all can be cut down drastically as well.

and so on.

Honestly, the one major expense that it unavoidable is tuition. Everything else can be pared down if one tries to, especially when done so from the start when they get married instead of trying to figure it all out after one has settled into a life pattern and multiple kids to boot.
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:22 pm
DrMom wrote:
It costs money to run a school.

How is that the fault of the previous generation?


You're right, it does cost money to run a school. I don't know, maybe we don't need such gorgeous buildings?
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:26 pm
groisamomma wrote:
You're right, it does cost money to run a school. I don't know, maybe we don't need such gorgeous buildings?


Only way to go cheaper is homeschooling or co-op schooling.
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:27 pm
Join Chaim Ekstein's WhatsApp. Anyone have the number?
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:30 pm
southernbubby wrote:
Only way to go cheaper is homeschooling or co-op schooling.


True.

IRL I try never to lament about the cost of being frum near my kids. I don't want them resenting it, I want them to continue feeling that it's a privilege to be frum.

We live more simply than anyone I know and it's still a struggle.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:34 pm
groisamomma wrote:
True.

IRL I try never to lament about the cost of being frum near my kids. I don't want them resenting it, I want them to continue feeling that it's a privilege to be frum.

We live more simply than anyone I know and it's still a struggle.


If you're blaming the previous generation for the high tuition, why won't your children blame our generation for the unsustainable frum lifestyle? It'll hit them in their faces once they're on their own, and they'll be struggling with both the abstract and concrete issues of frum life.

What I'm getting at is that I believe they'll be in the right to blame our generation. We're suffering the consequences of it, and yet aren't doing much to lessen the burden on them. We groan, vent, complain & cry, but what about some tachlis?
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amother




Aqua


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:39 pm
southernbubby wrote:
Only way to go cheaper is homeschooling or co-op schooling.


We homeschool and are still struggling. Our combined salary is pretty good, B"H. But we still struggle and are in massive debt. Seminary for a few girls, a Bar Mitzvah (which was very simple), other expenses put us in debt. We live in a small house, don't travel. I work a number of jobs from home while teaching the kids. I have a $60 synthetic shaitel.

Yet we still struggle. We have terrible health insurance (we don't qualify for Medicaid or other cheap insurance programs) So we have to pay out of pocket with an insanely high deductible.

Basic food still costs a ton. We never eat out. Purchase clothing as needed.

And so many "frum" expenses. Even mikvah is $40 every month! That's almost $500 a year just to dunk!

...and we haven't even made a wedding yet for a kid.....
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chanchy123




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:56 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
*frum in America

Absolutely.
I am frum, do not own a sheital, would have to look very hard to find a home *outside* an eiruv and food that was **not** kosher - and you'd probably have to pay extra for those.
For my elementry aged-children I pay the eqivelant of $60 a month in tuition.
The only serious expense on the list is tuition for my highschooler but that's more because she dorms in a private school.
It doesn't have to be that way.
I understand aliyah is not for everyone but it is possible to be a frum Jew without any extra expences.
Being frum in America and paying the price is a good reminder that America is not the ideal place to be a Jew.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Mon, Nov 25 2019, 11:56 pm
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
It's not so much that this is what it costs to be frum. It's more like this is what we've made frum life out to be. And that's the frustrating part. It's all our doing, and nothing to do with the Torah, yiddishkeit or frum life.


amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
It's not so much that this is what it costs to be frum. It's more like this is what we've made frum life out to be. And that's the frustrating part. It's all our doing, and nothing to do with the Torah, yiddishkeit or frum life.


I used to think this way until I got to where I am now. Both parents making good money, but with five tuitions to pay, plus car expenses, food, basic clothing costs etc, life is just plain expensive! And trust me, we live super simply and do not buy into any of the “frum fads.” Everything just costs money...
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:02 am
amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:
I used to think this way until I got to where I am now. Both parents making good money, but with five tuitions to pay, plus car expenses, food, basic clothing costs etc, life is just plain expensive! And trust me, we live super simply and do not buy into any of the “frum fads.” Everything just costs money...


If you reread what you wrote, you're describing regular costs for everything. If you have kids and family, you'll have food, clothing costs, transportation expenses and so on. The only thing frum lifestyle added on is the tuition since public school is not an option.

If you have some time, start going through a year's worth of expenses. Deduct tuition, and deduct all the extras that we ourselves added on for a frum lifestyle, and you'll be surprised at the number that you're left with. You'll be within the range, albeit probably a bit in the higher range, for any average middle class lifestyle in America.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:13 am
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
*frum in America


I can't help but agree.

If you're nurturing neshamot in a greenhouse of kedusha, then the irrigation systems and lighting and compost are going to cost way more than if you planted them in their natural habitat.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:15 am
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
If you reread what you wrote, you're describing regular costs for everything. If you have kids and family, you'll have food, clothing costs, transportation expenses and so on. The only thing frum lifestyle added on is the tuition since public school is not an option.

If you have some time, start going through a year's worth of expenses. Deduct tuition, and deduct all the extras that we ourselves added on for a frum lifestyle, and you'll be surprised at the number that you're left with. You'll be within the range, albeit probably a bit in the higher range, for any average middle class lifestyle in America.


Exactly my point! I’m agreeing with you.

And we may have tuition and kosher food, but secular ppl have other expenses and expectations. Bottom line: life costs money. And more kids automatically cost more money. Quite obviously...
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