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Cant stand how much money it costs to be frum
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 02 2019, 8:57 am
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
My secular cousins spend way more on clothes, trips and everything.. they have all this peer pressure that I don't have. They go to fancy events, care much more about fashion and what's"in". In my experience, their secular world pressure and the amount they spend is much more than the regular frum person.


There is a drastic difference between peer pressure and something you feel is a necessity (ie tuition).

I have a coworker (who earns similar to what I earn) and he is talking about his wife quitting her job now that their kids are out of daycare because they can afford for her to be home. They can choose how to scrimp and save based on their own choices. He's a religious Christian so he definitely has religious expenses like tithing and church clothes and stuff like that. He also owns a home in Brooklyn and comes from a relatively poor family so he didn't have any nest egg to rely on (he does have a close knit family with lots of support). I think that his experience mirrors a regular frum Jew quite a bit in terms of expenses.

Meanwhile, if I quite my job, I couldn't afford to pay tuition. So yes, while this is a choice that I am making, tuition is absolutely the biggest and hardest expense for middle class families in the US and something that most middle class families do not pay for.

Secular people can spend more, but don't necessarily.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 02 2019, 9:32 am
One granddaughter loves to read home decorating magazines and some of these show homes that are literally covered in expensive art, antiques, and way over the top furnishings. It's a bigger display of wealth than most of us can fathom.
Now I don't know what would compel someone to spend over $100k on a piece of jewelry or many times that price for a work of art and the California closets ad shows a full closet that is bigger than some frum familie's apartments. There probably is some peer pressure that drives such extreme consumerism, the likes of which are usually not seen among frum people.
The major difference however, is that while some people are blessed with more money than they know what to do with, and they don't want to use it for more noble causes, frum people are usually average earners who are very aware of poverty in the community and who are making a big mistake by going into debt for conspicuous consumption.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 02 2019, 10:22 am
Vermilion amother wrote:

Quote:
And yet there are things people should be aware of. The work situation is not great: you've got over-qualified chutznik tech workers working freelance from home, because that pays better than Israeli companies or they simply couldn't land a decent job. It's difficult to get hired by a tech firm unless you fit into the office crowd, which often is secular and based in Tel Aviv or Haifa. That's not to say it can't be done, but it's not the norm to pop in from chutz l'aretz and be hired at a job earning 20,000nis/month.
You are completely stereotyping here and writing things that are just not true. I know many people who work for hi tech firms, and who do work in tel aviv and even in jerusalem and many are frum people (not only secular people are in hi tech by far.)
And while 20k is a great salary, I know people who are making very close to that and that and more and are olim. It is very possible. Im not sure why you think not.

Quote:
The school and chinuch cultures are different as well. Israeli children are more direct, to put it nicely, than their chutznik counterparts. The way the children behave here can be unnerving to Anglo/European parents who expect calmer, more refined and respectful behaviour from their children. If your kids go Israeli, parenting will become a challenge on a whole other level. Often kids her behave in ways which simply would not be acceptable in an Anglo/European country, and that will influence your children, who might ultimately behave/speak the similarly.
Its not all bad. AND if we as anglos bring in our parenting tools and dont back down and make sure that our children still have the ethics and behaviors that we want to instill in them, they can have the best of both worlds, the israeli straight forwardness and the anglo respectfulness. Ive thankfully seen it.

Quote:
Be ready to find a society and make yourself fit the cookie cutter as best as you can. In Israel there is very much a concept of 'us' and 'them,' and I've found that regardless of which 'us' you're part of, it's considered very important to express the right opinion, wear the right style and tote the party line as it were to be accepted. Your children will catch onto this early, and try their best to fit in, and you'll be expected to do the same.
this is very much a thing in the charedi world, but in the dati leumi world, not so much. I live in a community that is not full of one cookie cutter type of person. Not at all. ANd I am so grateful for that. There is no "fitting in" by us. We all live and let live and let each person/family live how they live.

Quote:
So despite the wonderful things about living in Eretz Yisroel and how difficult it would be to leave, it's difficult for our family to imagine this as the place we want to stay permanently.
So if you dont want to stay, why do you? (I obviously have no idea how long you have been here)
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