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Would you bring it to her?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:57 am
On of my children left their sports shoes at home. I am technically able to bring them to her, but I dont really think I have to. I want her to learn a lesson that she has to remember her things before she leaves in the morning.
Is that cruel? Or Justifiable? The kid is in junior high (6-8 grade)
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 3:01 am
I would take it to her if I can. But I would say that I may not be able to do it in future if it happens again.
And I'd think of a way to help her remember - eg. stick a bit piece of paper with a reminder on her school bag the night before.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 3:06 am
TBH I probably wouldn't.

But if I take my ego out of the picture, I think it is kinder to bring it to her.

I understand wanting to teach responsibility, but perhaps it might be better to spend the time teaching her a method of remembering important things for school (charts, etc.) instead of hoping that enough hard knocks will educate her.

If it was forgetting her pencil and she needs to borrow one, that is a good learning opportunity. But forgetting her sports shoes presumably means she will be left out of an activity today, which is awfully high stakes for the possibility of learning responsibility.
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chefmama




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 3:08 am
salt wrote:
I would take it to her if I can. But I would say that I may not be able to do it in future if it happens again.
And I'd think of a way to help her remember - eg. stick a bit piece of paper with a reminder on her school bag the night before.


This.
I would do exactly the same.
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abound




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 3:16 am
It depends on how often she left things at home, I would not bring it to school a few times a week but a few times a year, it is a called chessed and consideration.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 5:50 am
I work FT outside the home so I couldn’t even if I wanted to, and I depend on mass transit so I wouldn’t. If I were a sahm and lived near school, it would depend. Is dd generally responsible and an overall good kid, is this a first “offense” and will she miss something important like a championship game? Then probably yes. If she’s generally irresponsible or a thoughtless disrespectful kid, and if all she will miss is one mediocre gym class, then no way Jose.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 6:03 am
One of my kids was in a frum Scouting troop, and the motto, "one good turn deserves another" became part of our household life.

If a kid that age asks for a favor that takes you out of your way, you can say, "well, I can do it, but it will take 30 minutes out of my day. Are you willing to give 30 minutes to some extra chores after school to pay back the time, or would you rather do without the shoes?"
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 6:07 am
I'll bring my kids things if I have the availability and they occasionally forget them, but if it turns into habit, I tell them tough luck (well, in a nicer way than that) and hope they've learned their lesson.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 6:50 am
If it doesn’t happen often and your available then it might be a very nice gesture.

If you would go to work and leave your reports home that you need for that day, wouldn’t it be so sweet if you suddenly see your husband brought them to you?
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littleprincess




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 6:52 am
My 10 year old dd forgot her homework book at home. I took it to school with a note . It meant so much to her . When she came home I told her that I wont always do it
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married123




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 9:44 am
Education does not have to be so cruel. If you can and are able to, it’s an opportunity to show your child how much you care.. you can also problem solve afterwards on ways to not always forget... I can’t stand when people use terms like “offense” in regard to a child’s behavior... they are kids!
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amother




Orange
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 9:46 am
It is cruel to deliberately not bring it. In cases where there is a natural situation that causes a minor hardship for the child, she'd "learn". But if you are fully able to and your only reason not to is to deprive her of it for the learning experience, that is an artificially constructed situation and the only thing she'll learn is that you want her to suffer. "Tough love" is often motivated by survivor bias.
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amother




Orange
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 9:51 am
Also, children don't forget things because they don't know that it's bad, it's because they don't have the skills or ability to remember, and for the same reason adults sometimes forget.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:00 am
I think that by bringing it, you are teaching her more of Mommy has her back and that we do chesseds for other people whenever we can, than you are teaching her responsibility by not bringing it.

Explain that it is a hardship to bring, but she is your priority.

Help her brainstorm strategies for the future.

As the poster above said, explain that it took 1/2 hour of your time and that as the family is a team, you expect her to help with your time and contribute a little extra tonight to help the evening run smoothly (wash/check/cut veggies for dinner or unload the dishwasher or bath a baby sister or read the bedtime stories to little brothers or anything YOU normally do that would be helpful to you.)
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