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Invitation: check dinner or chupa/Simchas chosson vekala

 
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:30 am
I just got an invitation from a friend who is not so close. What do I check? Does she want me to save her money and not stay for dinner or does she want me to stay for dinner?
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amother




Ivory


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:41 am
just chupa
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:50 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
just chupa

Why.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I just got an invitation from a friend who is not so close. What do I check? Does she want me to save her money and not stay for dinner or does she want me to stay for dinner?


That she sent you this invitation means that she's prepared for you to stay. Do you want to stay? Do you feel that you would be mesamaiach the kallah and enhance the simcha for the family?

Don't try to mindread. Do what you think is appropriate, given that it is a choice.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:47 am
PinkFridge wrote:
That she sent you this invitation means that she's prepared for you to stay. Do you want to stay? Do you feel that you would be mesamaiach the kallah and enhance the simcha for the family?

Don't try to mindread. Do what you think is appropriate, given that it is a choice.

I thought the choice means that it’s a hint that I don’t have to stay for dinner. And maybe I want to save her money. Otherwise there was no choice
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shmosmom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:50 am
If they sent you a dinner card it means they'll be glad to have you join for the full simcha.
I would go if I could/felt like it.
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SYA




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:50 am
If she just wanted you for the simchas chosson kallah she would have given a reply card for that and not one that included the meal.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I thought the choice means that it’s a hint that I don’t have to stay for dinner. And maybe I want to save her money. Otherwise there was no choice


IME, people send two types of invitations, with and without return cards. Without means chuppah only. And if it says what time the simchas choson v'kallah is for on the invitation, then that too. (Some halls are reasonably close to be able to do both.)
I think that a lot of people aren't staying for the dinner these days, so now, they send this new return option out so they don't make too many extra meals. So if you get this invitation, it's real. Is it possible people send these invitations out of feelings of obligation? Sure. But you don't have to overthink it. Take it at face value, then decide if you should go.
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:08 pm
If you got a card they want you to stay.
If they didn’t want you to stay you’d get no card. Everyone is invited to simchas chassan v kallah
The check box is just an easy way for hosts to know who is going to eat a meal.
Everyone got that card even her BFF. It’s not a card meant to make you feel bad or hint anything.
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thanks




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:38 pm
When I've made weddings, I send the invite, and let you decide. It's usually the people that feel close to me that choose to stay.

Don't overthink. Stay for the meal if you want to.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 1:03 pm
I show honor by doing the most, not just the chuppa
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mommyhood




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 1:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I thought the choice means that it’s a hint that I don’t have to stay for dinner. And maybe I want to save her money. Otherwise there was no choice

I don't think that's the case. I've gotten that kind of card from people who 100% expected me to come for the whole thing. They send the same type of response card to everyone.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 1:11 pm
What if OP is not overthinking, but the rest of you are underthinking?
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Flip Flops




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:00 pm
I don't know how it is in your circles but by most, the hosts are not ordering portions exactly based on these return cards. Many people don't respond and the hosts use their judgement to know who would be close enough to stay and who wouldn't. I don't think if you check off that you'll stay for the meal you are causing her to shell out more money for your portion.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:10 pm
Flip Flops wrote:
I don't know how it is in your circles but by most, the hosts are not ordering portions exactly based on these return cards. Many people don't respond and the hosts use their judgement to know who would be close enough to stay and who wouldn't. I don't think if you check off that you'll stay for the meal you are causing her to shell out more money for your portion.

In our community the have cards for sitting. So it is a choice if the keep a seat for you with a card to a certain table.
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amother




Aqua


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:37 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In our community the have cards for sitting. So it is a choice if the keep a seat for you with a card to a certain table.


Even then it’s not always a 1:1 ratio. I just made a simcha with seating cards based on return cards and was advised to still order less portions. I had lots of leftover food.
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:38 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
What if OP is not overthinking, but the rest of you are underthinking?


Do you really think the host printed 2 sets of rsvp cards? And only sent theses to the ones she doesn’t really want to attend?
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 6:56 pm
sky wrote:
Do you really think the host printed 2 sets of rsvp cards? And only sent theses to the ones she doesn’t really want to attend?

Maybe they did because I got my invitations pretty close to the wedding date. 3 weeks before. Maybe I’m second tier:)
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Maybe they did because I got my invitations pretty close to the wedding date. 3 weeks before. Maybe I’m second tier:)

In my circles all invitations arrive 3 weeks before. Because there are so many weddings BH, invitations that arrive earlier can be mistakenly forgotten about.
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