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I’m sending invitations who do I give the option for dinner

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 10:54 am
I’m not sure. I know rabbis probably won’t stay for dinner. Is it an insult to give a friend an opinion for dinner? Does it make people not stay for dinner that otherwise they will stay?
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:03 am
I don’t understand the question. In my circles everyone who is invited is invited for the whole wedding
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:06 am
You are inviting the Rabbi and Rebbetzin, I assume. How do you know they won't both come and stay for dinner? I would give them the option. IMO chuppa only invites are for people that are Tier 2 - you want them to feel invited but not your close circle of people who MUST be there.
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icedcoffee




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:06 am
For us, people just wrote on their rsvp card "chuppah only" if they weren't staying for dinner. Unless this is a different thing in your circles, I don't see why you'd need to put the option -- the default is if you're coming, you're staying for dinner.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:44 am
icedcoffee wrote:
For us, people just wrote on their rsvp card "chuppah only" if they weren't staying for dinner. Unless this is a different thing in your circles, I don't see why you'd need to put the option -- the default is if you're coming, you're staying for dinner.

This is my first wedding. I’m inviting also people that are not so close. I’m assuming they won’t stay long and probably not for dinner. I don’t want to have empty tables and I don’t to pay for dinner that won’t be used.
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:48 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is my first wedding. I’m inviting also people that are not so close. I’m assuming they won’t stay long and probably not for dinner. I don’t want to have empty tables and I don’t to pay for dinner that won’t be used.


That's the point of response cards. If they say they are not staying for the reception then you don't have to pay for them.
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 12:28 pm
You can make an arrangement with the caterer before the wedding for no shows. We had that at our wedding if the guest did not show up we didn’t have to pay for them .one guest had a heart attack before the wedding
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:12 pm
amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:
You can make an arrangement with the caterer before the wedding for no shows. We had that at our wedding if the guest did not show up we didn’t have to pay for them .one guest had a heart attack before the wedding

The caterer said that they need to know how much food to make and we need to pay per plate
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:29 pm
Are you sending return cards?
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:30 pm
I'm not sure I understand the question.

If you want people to stay for dinner you invite them with an RSVP card so you confirm how many people will be there for dinner. It's not considered to be insulting - it's pretty standard etiquette to have a response card. It's somewhat "insulting" to not be invited to dinner in terms of what I am familiar with - you either invite for the everything or you don't invite at all.

I would assume that if you are in a community where people are invited to just the chuppa then you send out an invitation explicitly inviting them only to that.

Just curious - do things ever get bad when people are not invited for the dinner part and then feel that they should have been?
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:30 pm
amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:
You can make an arrangement with the caterer before the wedding for no shows. We had that at our wedding if the guest did not show up we didn’t have to pay for them .one guest had a heart attack before the wedding


How does that work?

You tell the caterer to prepare 250 meals. In fact, only 200 people stay for the meal. The caterer takes a loss for the 50 meals? I'd find that surprising.
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:34 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
How does that work?

You tell the caterer to prepare 250 meals. In fact, only 200 people stay for the meal. The caterer takes a loss for the 50 meals? I'd find that surprising.


This came up last week on another thread and I also don't understand how a caterer could have a business model where they prepare 250 plates but only charge for 200. What happens to the rest of the food.

The only business model that makes sense is if it is some kind of mass catering hall with multiple weddings and a kitchen like a restaurant so they just cook additional food. However, most weddings I have been involved with have very specific plates ordered especially since there is often a choice of entrees. Picking the exact food ordered is often a big deal with the families going for a tasting to determine exactly what they want served.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 26 2019, 2:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The caterer said that they need to know how much food to make and we need to pay per plate


And you have to give them the final number before you get the response cards?

Usually you tell them "we're inviting 400 people for febtober 79. Then about a week before you tell them "387 ppl are coming". And then they make that many meals
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