I'm panicking please help- Lost money

amother

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:18 pm

I just lost $1400 on a dumb, dumb mistake. Can't go into details but it was totally my irresponsibility. I'm panicking. We're saving every penny we possibly can to buy a house and here I just blew $1400 due to a total lack of judgement. I'm so angry at myself and panicking. It's ok my husband won't know the difference (I manage the $$, I'm generally smarter than this) but right now I'm in full fledged panic mode. Please share any encouraging or spiritual or coping thoughts. I would like to just say it's bashert but it was my own stupid idiotic irresponsible mistake.

imasinger

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:24 pm

OK, whose voice is that in your head, yelling, "YOU STUPID IDIOT, HOW COULD YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE!"?

Recognize it as unhelpful.

Breathe.

Ask yourself if you learned from your mistake.

Ask yourself what you will do differently in the future to prevent it happening.

Say, "let this be for a kappara".

Breathe more.

It will be OK. Everyone makes mistakes. Even $1400 ones.

amother

Blush

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:25 pm

Breath. Even the best of us are idiots sometimes. You aren't going to go to jail, you still have a roof over your head, everybody is as healthy now as they were before the mistake, your husband loves you, the money will be earned again.

You are going to be fine.

amother

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:27 pm

But I need that money so badly and there's so many other things I could have used it for. I'm crying. I could've taken a week off of work which I so desperately need. I'm so fuming mad at myself I can't take it. How can I say it's a kapparah, it's my own idiotic fault.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hugs OP.
I totally get you.
We lost $3600 on a silly silly silly mistake, when we barely had food on the table.
I can't even think about it because it brings me to tears how helpless I felt and how I was beating myself up about it. And I'm far from stupid. This was 3-4 years ago.
Bh I got over it. Although I'm still struggling financially I've made peace with it, accepted it and don't think about it really.
Bh life went on.
Stay strong. You'll get through this.

amother

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:34 pm

I can't take it how angry I am at myself. I could have used that money for so, so many things that we really need. It's a full week of work. I could've taken off, I need the vacation so badly. And so many things that I haven't bought, that we really could use but don't absolutely need. I'm so mad at myself. I'm punishing myself by absolutely killing my diet, I just ate a mountain of cookies, I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself. My own idiotic fault.

amother

Jade

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:35 pm

This might not be of comfort, but as a business owner, you see the yad Hashem in finances begalui. Money comes from the most unexpected of places, and disappears to the most unexpected of places too.

There's a famous story of someone well known in Boro Park (who appeared to be a little unhinged, but many regarded as a tzaddik) who once asked-how come by the Seder on pesach we ask why we dip twice, once into saltwater and once the mirror, as apposed to the rest of the year when we never dip? This is an inaccurate statement to say we don't dip the rest of the year, because onRosh Hashana we also dip twice, once the challah into honey and once the apple into honey. He answered that when things are illogically sweet, we don't ask any questions. We only ask questions when things are illogically bitter.

You can't beat yourself up about it. The same Hashem that caused you to get the money in the first place, caused you to lose it, and He will give it back to you to when appropriate. Whatever was appropriated on Rosh Hashana will get to you.

Obviously this doesn't mean to be irresponsible with money, but as you're a responsible person who is very cognizant of finances, and something still slipped through, obviously Hashem intended this to happen.

You never know what gezeira was intended, that BH was taken out on just money instead of something much worse.

This is something I struggle with not beating myself up about too. Hugs.

המקום ימלא חסרוניך בקרוב

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:35 pm

Once Eliyahu Hanavi went
On a journey far away
A poor old couple offered him
A place at night to stay.

Their hovel, tiny and broken
Of their poverty did tell
Their only source of livelihood
A cow whose milk they'd sell.

In the morning, Eliyahu prayed
That their cow should die
And shortly it keeled over
And breathed its final sigh.

Eliyahu's companion
Was shocked and horrified
Would this sweet couple be repaid
By their livelihood denied?

Eliyahu comforted him
With caring words, he said
"The wife was destined now to die
I asked the cow to die instead."

~

When painful events come our way
We might cry at our tzara
But be aware, the truth is there
It's only a kapara.

amother

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:35 pm

I think also what's making me extra upset is that we recently asked a shailah and took on to be careful with ma'aser, and it happens to be quite a significant sum per month for us, and I feel like now this... I can't take it. I hate money. Money is so dumb. Why can't I just relax and breathe and not have to worry about money. And now this. I can't stop crying.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:47 pm

We think things are our doing
We cheer ourselves when things go well
And lambast ourselves for the times
We erred, and times we fell.

But not our strength makes us succeed
He helps us for our sakes
And the One Who created us
Causes us to make mistakes.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:50 pm

Hi OP
I Struggle with anxiety, but I find even those who don't, panic when it comes to finances. So first off I'm going to say, I understand your response- and yes, losing money, especially when you need it, sucks. I feel so much for you. And I am so sorry you have this as an extra burden.
The next thing I'm going to tell you, is what you really need to internalize. It WASNT YOUR money to begin with. Everything belongs to Hashem. For some reason, you were not meant to have this 1400 dollars right now. For whatever cheshbon Hashem determined. You were going to lose it/never even make it, regardless. No matter how it went, its not for you to have at this time. If it wasnt this mistake, it would be another way, perhaps even a worse "mistake" This is so not easy to accept, but its helped me. I hope it can give you some chizuk too.
Wishing you Hatzlacha and bracha!

amother

Jade

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:51 pm

I heard once that the reason Yehuda wasn't punished for the story with Tamar, and the reason it was possible for Yehuda, one of the shevatim who was on an unfathomably high spiritual level, to be seduced by seemingly a harlot, was that he saw what an incredibly strong desire he had which was completely out of character for him, and he knew it must be a message from Hashem that he's supposed to do this.

I have no idea how to apply this concept practically to our own lives, because obviously we know that just having a big desire for something isn't a reason to do an aveira; and to the contrary, the bigger the nisayon the bigger the schar. However the concept remains that sometimes when something happens that is clearly unusual and can't be chalked up to a pattern, we have to accept that it's from Hashem, even when seemingly it's our own fault.

If you're generally a responsible person, and one time something slipped through due to a dumb mistake that isn't your type, obviously Hashem intended it to happen, and disguised it as derech hateva.

Practice box breathing (breathe in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, breathe out 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds) and between cycles say to yourself out loud "I know this is from Hashem, Who is the only true source of money in this world, and I accept it".

May this be a zechus for you to get everything you need in life in the near future, מתוך הרחבת הדעת ומנוחת הנפש.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:54 pm

Please please stop blaming yourself. It happened because it was meant to be. Hashem orchestrated every step, including the fact that it was you who made the mistake.
It's okay. Know that everything is from Hashem and believe that it was meant for the good.

My husband once flushed an enormous amount of money which included my entire savings from when I was still single. After the fact he told me, if there's one good thing that came out of it, it's the lesson he learnt from his mistake. BH, I never looked back.

And no I'm not rich, and I desparately needed the money then.

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Literally everyone has done this. Everyone. A few years ago, right before Succos, I also made a mistake that cost me over a thousand dollars. I was going nuts. And the other day, we made a mistake that cost us $400.

This happens to everyone. Sometimes it's a traffic ticket when you least need it. Sometimes you forgot to get reimbursed from the government because you put your money in a tax-free place for use for medical bills and didn't deduct it before the deadline. Sometimes you completely forgot to submit your child's braces bill to the insurance company until it was too late.

Let it go. Sometimes Hashem makes our money disappear by breaking an appliance, sometimes it's seemingly through our own hands, but all of it is pre-ordained.

I bless you with a marvelous $1400 windfall!

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 7:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You’re all so sweet. Turquoise that’s beautiful. I’m still crying. And I just sabotaged my diet really badly. I’m so mad at myself.

The great thing about diets is that they're still there tomorrow! You had your cheat day! Move on, don't dwell.

avrahamama

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 8:00 pm

Amen to all the brachot. I agree money is dumb and stupid. Not having money terrifies me, having tooooo much money terrifies me. BZH this will pass fast and you will make a Chanukah habayit for that house you're saving up for ... With money for all the renovations and furniture and cleaning help too?

It's ok to panic and binge a little right now. It's normal to. Is your husband the kind to just shrug it off and be ok with it? If he is then share what happened. His not panicking may comfort you.

amother

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 8:04 pm

I don’t want to tell him because I feel too stupid. It’s ok he doesn’t need to know. I just keep thinking how desperately I need a vacation and how this could’ve bought me a week and instead I threw it out like an absolute idiot.

But you’re all helping me feel a bit better.

Now I’m also angry at myself about the cookies though.

amother

Jade

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 8:05 pm

Not helpful at all, but interesting story about someone who once put an elbow through a priceless painting and caused $40M worth of damage while he was showing it to a prospective buyer.

Sometimes it's better that you made the mistake instead of someone else, because if you were supposed to lose the money and DH messed up and lost it, it could be damaging to your marriage and relationship, but now that it was you, you can forgive yourself and move on. (Not very helpful advice, I know.)

Hug

https://www.google.com/amp/s/w.....w/amp