I'm panicking please help- Lost money

madys

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 9:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just lost $1400 on a dumb, dumb mistake. Can't go into details but it was totally my irresponsibility. I'm panicking. We're saving every penny we possibly can to buy a house and here I just blew $1400 due to a total lack of judgement. I'm so angry at myself and panicking. It's ok my husband won't know the difference (I manage the $$, I'm generally smarter than this) but right now I'm in full fledged panic mode. Please share any encouraging or spiritual or coping thoughts. I would like to just say it's bashert but it was my own stupid idiotic irresponsible mistake.

The bolded portion is what it probably why it's eating away at you. You need to be honest in your manage and admit your mistake to your husband. It's never good to be secretive in a marriage.

HeartyAppetite

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 9:56 am

dankbar wrote:

I once made a one time, side income of a few hundred dollars. Right after that, I needed emergency dental work in same amount.

Look at it as though Hashem prepared the refuah before the makka. He gave u the money because he knew you will need the dental work, not u made the money and it wasn’t bashert for you to keep it.

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 10:00 am

Op I understand you. We are so tight, and my husband made such a stupid mistake that costed us $40,000. I was so angry at my husband, and the anxiety was keeping me up at night!
But then I realized that it’s meant to be. And many people have it way way harder, in different ways. This too shall pass. It still hurts when I think about it, but I came to accept it from Hashem.

amother

Beige

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 11:50 am

I suggest getting your husband on board with the finances, a la The Surrendered Wife. Also signing up for Living Emunah daily podcast and just surrendering in general to life and things that happen.

ShishKabob

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:06 pm

I think it's beautiful that this thread is bringing out the best of everyone's Emunah and Bitachon. The stories here are absolutely energizing. Thank you all!
OP, Hashem should repay your loss tenfold. We don't understand the ways of Hashem, but if we are smart we cash in on it and ask for it to be kapporas avonos or to spare us from something much worse. Bhatzlocha

amother

Peach

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:18 pm

dankbar wrote:

I once made a one time, side income of a few hundred dollars. Right after that, I needed emergency dental work in same amount.

this reminds me of a very similar thing that happened to us. my husband took on a 1x side job and got into a car accident on the job and lost the profit in deductible costs. guess we weren't meant to have that extra money!

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 1:52 pm

My husband once wiped out almost our entire savings in the span of a week. It was (and still is) painful. I don't know if I handled it in the best way but b"H I wasn't the worst.

happyness

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 3:01 pm

My husband gave me $300 cash for the week (cleaning lady etc), while I was on my hands and knees cleaning the car. I put it down near one of the seats near the door facing the sidewalk , dunno why I didn't put it away. A few minutes later I heard a noise in back of me. I thought it was one of my kids so I didn't turn around. A few minutes later when I did, I saw the money was gone!

OP, I get you. It took me time to get back to myself. I felt very violated and frightened, but mostly I felt like it was my fault and such a dumb mistake that caused us to lose the money.

But really, all the posters here are right. We feel so much better when we have emunah and bitachon that there is a master plan for it all.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 3:10 pm

madys wrote:

The bolded portion is what it probably why it's eating away at you. You need to be honest in your manage and admit your mistake to your husband. It's never good to be secretive in a marriage.

Sorry, I disagree. I once made a thoughtless mistake that cost us a good chunk of money. I think around $500, which is significant for us. I did not tell dh. All it would do is upset him, and there was no way to recoup the money anyway. I would similarly not expect him to let me know if he had done the same. An ongoing or repetitive mismanagement of money should be disclosed so the couple can work on an appropriate solution. A one off mistake, not always.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 5:21 pm

I think you put the past behind you - without making light of it, in the end it's only money. Better to have "lost" the money somehow than needing to spend it for medical expenses for example.

And moving forward, use it as a learning experience - what caused it to happen and so in the future you will be less likely for it to be repeated.

Not exactly the same but I am an accident prone person if I try to do too much at one time and so I often have the experience of taking an action and just as I do it, realize that I am going to cause an accident - e.g. minor example would be attempting to carry too much and dropping and breaking everything and creating a mess. So as I get older and somewhat wiser, I try to anticipate exactly what the consequences are if I make take that action Very Happy

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 5:31 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Not helpful at all, but interesting story about someone who once put an elbow through a priceless painting and caused $40M worth of damage while he was showing it to a prospective buyer.

Sometimes it's better that you made the mistake instead of someone else, because if you were supposed to lose the money and DH messed up and lost it, it could be damaging to your marriage and relationship, but now that it was you, you can forgive yourself and move on. (Not very helpful advice, I know.)

Hug

https://www.google.com/amp/s/w.....w/amp

I agree with this. Dh once lost over 2 k and I was so angry I couldn't stop making him feel bad about it. (We really needed it)

But a couple months later I invested badly and lost a couple hundred. And he just said: we will be fine.
It really taught me a lesson.
And it was worth losing that money.

Cheiny

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 6:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hashem caused you to make whatever mistake you made. He decides on Rosh hashana how much each person will have that year, it was totally out of your hands, stop beating yourself up.

Cheiny

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 6:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't take it how angry I am at myself. I could have used that money for so, so many things that we really need. It's a full week of work. I could've taken off, I need the vacation so badly. And so many things that I haven't bought, that we really could use but don't absolutely need. I'm so mad at myself. I'm punishing myself by absolutely killing my diet, I just ate a mountain of cookies, I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself. My own idiotic fault.

Start reading books on emunah. It seems you’ve completely cut G-d out of the picture here. He’s in control, not you. The only choices we truly have are whether to choose good or bad (mitzvah or sin). This is maaseh satan that’s convincing you you’re responsible and that you have control.

avrahamama

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 7:19 pm

I got overcharged by like $60 in the store today and didn't realize until I got home. It's a Jewish owned store and I'm sure it was a mistake. (60 is a lot for us right now)

I remembered this thread and it helped so much.

I can't make it to the store anytime soon... So please Hashem let it be a kappara.

Cheiny

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 11:22 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Why don’t you try calling them?