Not reciprocating gifts

amother

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 11:34 am

My sister in law is constantly buying gifts for my kids, some cheaper ($10 range) some more expensive ($50-60 range).
Chanukah, birthdays, just because.

I do not reciprocate. I buy a baby gift, and a bday gift if I attend the party. That's it.

She is older and a lot better off financially than I am, and she has more kids than I do. I couldn't keep up with her if I tried. Plus she has a talent of finding great gifts that are super enjoyable; I am a terrible gift giver, I can't come up with ideas, her kids have everything already, and I hate throwing money down the drain.

Can we just continue the status quo of her giving (I'd rather she not give, but I can't think of a polite way to ask her to stop) and me not usually reciprocating?

singleagain

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 11:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Then why worry?

Perhaps gifts are her love language. They are one of mine and my friend knows this and tolerates my excessiveness. I don't expect anything in return.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:01 pm

I am like you. Not necessarily dealing with gifts for kids but I’ve made a few Simchos and I get beautiful platters delivered or even simple homemade pastries. The people who send me things have large families and they make multiple simchas a year and I also feel like I simply can’t keep up. It would mean that probably every week I would have to send a gift to someone and since I can’t I stopped sending gifts all together.
Another thing, I thought I was being neighborly a few times and even though it was out of my comfort zone I sent over a candy platter since I thought it was the right thing to do when a neighbor makes a shabbos simcha. Much to my great dismay, more often than I care to remember, my platters were not put out! Instead it was fancy individual items arranged by a party planner and they had no need for my chocolate! Those platters cost me money, time and taste good too.,, I guess I just can’t get it right even when I do try. At this point I have given up and of course feel bad when people send things to me.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 1:51 pm

I am the gift giver. I am BH able to and want to. I do not want or expect anything in return. A thank you call, or even at a later date again telling her how much the kids appreciate it, is nice.

Amarante

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 5:34 pm

She is no doubt aware of the economic differences between you and I imagine it is her pleasure to treat you and your children without an expectation of total reciprocity.

I had a best friend who was extremely wealthy and very generous. I would try to do stuff that was affordable - e.g. I liked to bake so I would make it a point of bringing her home made goodies. Also I would get relatively inexpensive types of fun stuff for her kids - funny cute stuff. I also helped her with her kids' birthday parties. I wasn't trying to be tit for tat - I am just pointing out that there are ways to "gift" someone/be generous without spending a lot of money and which are also meaningful to even people who seem to have everything.