Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Shopping
Would you rather?
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 12:24 am
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
After my daughter was born, my husband wanted a fancy kiddush, I didn't see the point.
When we called our rav to tell him we had a baby, he advised DH to make a big kiddush in order to get lots of brachos. He also said that's why people give alcohol, so people bentch with more gusto. That gave hubby all the go ahead he needed and he made a big shebang. (Not like $20,000, but maybe $5000.) I thought it was ok because a bris/ bris meal would've been about that amount.

My daughter is in pre school now, and people from my husband's shul still remember the kiddush and bless us to have another child.

Im usually not one for extravagant things but I can see why people would do it.

At another time I was at a vacht nacht/shalom zachor of a neighbor and he made a HUGE thing in a hall. Like wines and beers and whiskeys, carving boards n shmorgs n sorbet stations n ice sculpture saying mazel tov e.t.c. people were like "what does he need it for" I said he's sharing his simcha with you by having you have simcha at his party.


You understand. We gave a nice kiddish several years ago, and people are still talking about it. DH takes pride in entertaining and enjoys it. This kiddish would be for him. It isn't something people forget about the next day.
Back to top

HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 12:41 am
I don’t get any of these huge kiddishim things. It usually comes across as a way to show off “look what I can do”. A way to one up others.

That said op a kiddish is a public thanks , a necklace is a thanks to you. I don’t get the connection.
Back to top

amother
Jetblack


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 12:43 am
That was my thought too, not sure how the choice is either a lavish kiddush OR piece of jewelry...what does the reason to spend on one have to do with the other?
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 6:45 am
I would suggest a moderate kiddush. Not plain, but not over the top either. Baked salmon instead of a carving station, and a nice selection of liquor, not just scotch.

Use the rest of the money to donate to your child's school. I suggest earmarking it for more books for the library. You may even get a nice plaque on the library wall. Books will last for 100 years if treated properly, and think about all of the learning that will come from them!

IMHO, that's better than a diamond necklace any day. Besides, the CZ jewelry these days is impossible to tell from the real thing unless you take it to a jeweler for appraisal. You can even get CZ set in white or yellow gold, although sterling silver is more affordable and looks just like white gold.

https://www.palmbeachjewelry.c.....2.cfm
https://jianlondon.co.uk/Etern.....klace
https://www.google.com/search?.....IL836
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:27 am
HonesttoGod wrote:
I don’t get any of these huge kiddishim things. It usually comes across as a way to show off “look what I can do”. A way to one up others.

That said op a kiddish is a public thanks , a necklace is a thanks to you. I don’t get the connection.


It is a man thing. DH would love it. He has been saying for several years that he would love to throw a big kiddish, and I keep saying no.

I was thinking about getting a certain piece of nice Jewelry. Then I started thinking why not get DH a spectacular watch? Then I started thinking he could throw the kiddish he has been wanting. And that is my steam of consciousness.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:29 am
Americans.... crazy "carving station"!!

Also you get brachos just saying you had a baby
And G-d doesn't unmarry girls because no kiddush: source, real life
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:51 am
None of the above. I would take the money and go on a great family vacation. Somewhere exotic That I can’t otherwise afford like Africa. Safari
Back to top

PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:21 am
dankbar wrote:
I once heard a story the way a girl didn't get engaged till she was older. They went to Rebbi & asked if she had a kiddush by birth. They said no. Rebbe said she missed out on the brachos they should give a kiddush now & then she got engaged.


I heard that story. I know that many seminaries will make a kiddush for their students who didn't have one.
I also heard that while this is the basis for a kiddush, and I think it's beautiful, the story itself is a bubbe maiseh, and no one would should worry about shidduchim for having missed out on a kiddush.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:06 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I would suggest a moderate kiddush. Not plain, but not over the top either. Baked salmon instead of a carving station, and a nice selection of liquor, not just scotch.

Use the rest of the money to donate to your child's school. I suggest earmarking it for more books for the library. You may even get a nice plaque on the library wall. Books will last for 100 years if treated properly, and think about all of the learning that will come from them!

IMHO, that's better than a diamond necklace any day. Besides, the CZ jewelry these days is impossible to tell from the real thing unless you take it to a jeweler for appraisal. You can even get CZ set in white or yellow gold, although sterling silver is more affordable and looks just like white gold.

https://www.palmbeachjewelry.c.....2.cfm
https://jianlondon.co.uk/Etern.....klace
https://www.google.com/search?.....IL836


I am not one for fake jewelry. I can easily tell especially in a setting like an eternity setting. As I said in my opening post, we give plenty of tzedukah. We travel often, and I don't love it.

The question is what special thing to do of the choices given.

I am leaning to a nice watch for DH and a small kiddish. The kiddish will probably morph into something big anyway.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:11 am
I cannot even imagine a kiddush that has the same price tag as an eternity necklace.
Back to top

dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:13 am
I would think that a smaller kiddush & that dh gets you a gift for having baby would be nice
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:33 am
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
I cannot even imagine a kiddush that has the same price tag as an eternity necklace.


I don’t know what an eternity necklace is but you can easily spend 1k in a kiddish and 1k kn a diamond solitaire necklace.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 1:11 pm
Most people don't easily tell a good fake
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 1:15 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
I don’t know what an eternity necklace is but you can easily spend 1k in a kiddish and 1k kn a diamond solitaire necklace.


I was assuming she meant a tennis necklace, thats 10s of thousands, I cant imagine even the craziest most over the top kiddush going over 20k.
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 1:25 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
I was assuming she meant a tennis necklace, thats 10s of thousands, I cant imagine even the craziest most over the top kiddush going over 20k.


Ew yuck. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone wear such a necklace (and I live in a VERY wealthy community. It’s jist more understated) it doesn’t sound appealing to me at all. I agree, spending 20k on a kiddish is disgusting
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 11:07 pm
Neither. I would give the money to a tzedaka close to my heart, in memory of or in honor of someone. Jewelry I don’t need, and while a kiddush is a sort of service to the community, most of the beneficiaries are going home to a lavish meal and need this kiddush like a hole in the head. If I want to feed the hungry, I’ll give the money to the local food pantry or Tomchei Shabbos-type organization. And if I want to make a public declaration of gratitude to the KBH, I’ll put a nice big ad to that effect in the journal of the local yeshiva or my shul. Either of these paths is, IMO, a far better use of my money than feeding my vanity by acquiring a new bauble for my personal adornment or providing junk food for people who are sufficiently well-fed already.
Back to top

amother
Burlywood


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 11:19 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
I heard that story. I know that many seminaries will make a kiddush for their students who didn't have one.
I also heard that while this is the basis for a kiddush, and I think it's beautiful, the story itself is a bubbe maiseh, and no one would should worry about shidduchim for having missed out on a kiddush.


ITA. I never even heard of making a kiddush for a baby girl till I joined imamother, although a Simchat bat as a naming ceremony was being reintroduced as a feminist thing when I was in college. Nothing having to do with shidduchim, just an attempt to make the birth of a girl recognized as an event as notable as the birth of a boy. No one in my family ever made a kiddush for a daughter, none of my friends made one for their dds, yet somehow we managed to get married and so did our dds.

Talk about fake-religious blackmail!
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 11:25 pm
amother [ Mustard ] wrote:
Anyone else find this advice shocking?


Distasteful, certainly.
Does a Bracha given while under the influence even count?
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Shopping