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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
What age do you stop making them lunch for school?
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 7:12 am
Or don’t you?

This is the first year that I had to make my children lunch for school at least in many, many years. They are 9 and 12. Actually the 12 year old just turned 12 yesterday. Since there’s only about 2 weeks of school left, I asked him what he thinks of next year him making his own lunch with my help of course, if needed. If it works out fantastic, but am I being unreasonable since I have the time and I’m making the 9 year old lunch anyway? They don’t always have the same thing.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 8:56 am
I was making my own lunches since 3rd grade at least.
There is a balance that enables independence and supports healthy habits. Prepare options (like an accessible snack cabinet) and have them pack it. So he can choose from a few packaged snacks and then from dinner leftovers etc.

A bento box would be great for this. One section has to be veggies - he can cut a salad or choose cut up ones etc. One has to be fruit. Etc.
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busy mommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 9:00 am
I start when they are in first or second grade (depends on the kid and maturity level)making them pack their own snacks. I have a drawer of big bags that they can bag into little bags. (first one to open the big bag has to bag it into little bags). My oldest does not make her own lunches yet but I think that starting next year she will.
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teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 9:34 am
My mom never had time to make us lunch so we always got school lunch. At some point I said I didn't want school lunch, so she told me to tell her on Sunday what I needed her to buy and I could make my own lunch. I think that was around 5th grade.

I would say it's fair to say "This is what I'm making 9 yr old tomorrow, should I make you one too, or do you want to make yourself something else?". That way he can work his way towards independence on his own terms
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 9:38 am
My younger kids eat school lunch or a bagel and my high schooler cuts up vegetables on Sunday so I throw a salad together for her in under 5 minutes.

Where are you that school is almost over for the year?
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 29 2019, 9:46 am
I do my best to send to lunch giving places. If not, leftovers until they can make a sandwich (primary)
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:27 am
I make sandwiches for all my kids, all ages - at the moment ages 8 through 17.

My father used to make all our sandwiches when we were kids, up until we left highschool, so I guess that's what I'm used to, and I'm continuing the tradition, as long as I can Smile

If I'm in a rush I may not have time to cut them up some fruit, so I'll ask my older DD to do that.
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Jewishmom8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:58 am
I pack my kids food for most of my kids.
My girls in high school want to do it themselves now.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 3:29 am
I make my 16 yo DD lunch on most days, and some days she makes mine. It depends on how everyone's schedule is running. It is not that she is incompetent, she has cooked all of Shabbos, but says she feels the love when I make her lunch.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:00 am
DD was always a picky eater. No matter what I made, it came back in the bag. I begged her to tell me what she wanted for lunch, but the only thing she wanted was potato chips. The school had a no nosh policy, and would get mad if you didn't send something healthy. DD was lactose intolerant, and the school had a no meat and no nut policy, so that really cut down our options. She was basically vegan while at school.

One day Child Services showed up at our door, because DD told a teacher that "she's starving, and there's no food in the house."

I showed the social worker the cabinets full of food, the fridge full of fruits and vegetables, and DD's latest well visit report from her doctor. She was far from starving, B'H.

It wasn't that we didn't have any food, we just didn't have the food she wanted, so in her mind there was no food! Banging head

Those were some really rough years. It was a real battle to get her to eat healthy, without giving her food issues. I am so, so glad that she is 16, and is making her own lunches now.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:52 am
I'm very happy children are listened to, but sending the social service????
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chipmunks




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:36 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
DD was always a picky eater. No matter what I made, it came back in the bag. I begged her to tell me what she wanted for lunch, but the only thing she wanted was potato chips. The school had a no nosh policy, and would get mad if you didn't send something healthy. DD was lactose intolerant, and the school had a no meat and no nut policy, so that really cut down our options. She was basically vegan while at school.

One day Child Services showed up at our door, because DD told a teacher that "she's starving, and there's no food in the house."

I showed the social worker the cabinets full of food, the fridge full of fruits and vegetables, and DD's latest well visit report from her doctor. She was far from starving, B'H.

It wasn't that we didn't have any food, we just didn't have the food she wanted, so in her mind there was no food! Banging head

Those were some really rough years. It was a real battle to get her to eat healthy, without giving her food issues. I am so, so glad that she is 16, and is making her own lunches now.



Ack! That's the kind of thing that keeps me up at night.... Seriously, first look at the kid and see if she actually looks starving. Even if she doesn't, make discreet inquiries about if the family needs food. If so, send a tzedakah box to their door discreetly and anonymously! Social services, really?

I'm sorry, but if I had a shekel for every time I've heard a kid (and not just mine) complain "I've starving" when they mean "I haven't eaten in five minutes" or "I'm bored, " or say, "there's no food" when they really meant "there's no nosh" or "ew, fruit for snack again?" we could probably feed a family of five for the next ten years.

ETA: OP, to answer your question, as long as they want me to and it's practical, but for convenience sometimes we sign them up for school lunch.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:42 am
If a kid actually states, there is no food on the house, as a mandated reporter I must call or I could lose my license. You need to err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:45 am
teachkids wrote:
I would say it's fair to say "This is what I'm making 9 yr old tomorrow, should I make you one too, or do you want to make yourself something else?". That way he can work his way towards independence on his own terms

That’s a great idea! Thanks! He actually made his sandwich this morning probably because of what I said about lunch for next year.
groisamomma wrote:
Where are you that school is almost over for the year?

South America
Ruchel wrote:
I do my best to send to lunch giving places. If not, leftovers until they can make a sandwich (primary)

They do give lunch, but we have to pay for it and I don’t mind giving them lunch. It comes out much cheaper.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:45 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
If a kid actually states, there is no food on the house, as a mandated reporter I must call or I could lose my license. You need to err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.


Are you serious? You just blindly call? You don't call the mother and discuss first? Kids say crazy things I hope you don't just call blindly because a kid who was supposed to prep his own food said there is no food in the house.
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chipmunks




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:46 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
If a kid actually states, there is no food on the house, as a mandated reporter I must call or I could lose my license. You need to err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.


I've actually wondered about that. Is a mandated reporter allowed to inquire further of the kid? Could the teacher have asked, for example, "do you mean there is literally nothing in your refrigerator or cupboards, or just not enough of what you like?" Or do you have to take it at face value? I can't imagine one would have to call social services every time a kid claims to be "starving".
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amother
Copper


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 8:50 am
teachkids wrote:
I would say it's fair to say "This is what I'm making 9 yr old tomorrow, should I make you one too, or do you want to make yourself something else?". That way he can work his way towards independence on his own terms


I like this idea, too. It would avoid this situation:

Me: (making same lunch for everyone)
DD: Ew, I suddenly hate my favorite food just because that's what he's eating.
Me: I'm not running a restaurant.
DD: (temper tantrum for half an hour, risking making us all late)
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:14 am
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Are you serious? You just blindly call? You don't call the mother and discuss first? Kids say crazy things I hope you don't just call blindly because a kid who was supposed to prep his own food said there is no food in the house.

This would go under possible neglect. Yes, I get training yearly. Sorry if this annoys you but I won't risk losing my job or license.
As in the case of FF, it was obviously clear there were no issues. So the social worker came, checked things out, was satisfied and case closed.
Besides there sadly are cases of homes with plenty of food but abusive parents who do deny their children food. Like I said better safe than sorry.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:16 am
chipmunks wrote:
I've actually wondered about that. Is a mandated reporter allowed to inquire further of the kid? Could the teacher have asked, for example, "do you mean there is literally nothing in your refrigerator or cupboards, or just not enough of what you like?" Or do you have to take it at face value? I can't imagine one would have to call social services every time a kid claims to be "starving".

No leading questions that may be used to manipulate the child' s response. And there s a difference btwn a kid saying they are hungry didn't bring a lunch and actually saying there was no food in the house for me to bring.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Sun, Dec 01 2019, 9:17 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
This would go under possible neglect. Yes, I get training yearly. Sorry if this annoys you but I won't risk losing my job or license.
As in the case of FF, it was obviously clear there were no issues. So the social worker came, checked things out, was satisfied and case closed.
Besides there sadly are cases of homes with plenty of food but abusive parents who do deny their children food. Like I said better safe than sorry.


You are required to deal with it not pick up the phone the second a child says something. Yeah it's not better safe than sorry to put someone through that without taking an extra second to make sure it's credible. You will not lose your license for verifying for 2 seconds before calling, don't be ridiculous.
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