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Inyan of a baby girl's kiddush
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 10:25 pm
I'm mainstream orthodox and will be making a kiddush soon. I don't really have friends in this community and my family lives far. Just thinking about making it on shabbos and having no one I know come is making me feel depressed. I would much rather make it on a sunday a few weeks post birth. But no one in my circles makes it any time besides shabbos.

Does anyone know the actual inyanim behind it and why it would need to be shabbos vs. weekday? And what about the party makes it an official kiddush for the baby?
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 10:29 pm
Can you do on shabbos just for men in shul, and a breakfast on Sunday as well? Simchat bat

That's what I'm thinking of doing. I live in a yeshivish community and no one does that, but I don't want to host family for shabbos when I'm postpartum so I'd rather have Dh sponsor a kiddush in shul, and make a small Sunday party for family who wants to join.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 10:33 pm
There is no inyan. Do what works for you
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Aylat




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 10:33 pm
Two of my siblings made a simchat bat on a weekday instead of a Shabbat kiddush. It was for family, and we live spread out so wouldn't have been able to come to a kiddush on Shabbat. They are yeshivish.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 10:35 pm
A kiddush is by definition on a Shabbos or YT when one makes kiddush. You don’t make kiddush on a weekday. There is, however, no halachic obligation to make a kiddush for the birth of a child. I never even heard of making a kiddush for a daughter till I joined imamother. By then my dd was a teenager. B”H she managed to get married and to a very nice guy, too.

So go ahead and make a party for your dd on a Sunday when your family can be there if that’s what makes you happy. Or start looking around for people who may be able to offer your family a place to sleep if you make an actual kiddush on an actual Shabbos.
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Gerbera




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Nov 30 2019, 11:52 pm
We have 6 daughters ka"h and only one had a kiddush/Zeved HaBat in shul on shabbat. The others we did the Zeved HaBat and baby naming on a week night. You can do it any time - doesn't HAVE to be Shabbat.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 1:24 am
"It's an inyan" is frumspeak for "this is how things are done in my neighborhood."
Mazal tov, and celebrate your daughter's birth whenever and however you like.
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 4:53 am
I think the inyan of doing something is to have people coming and wishing mazel tov and brachos for the new baby. So it can be done as easily on sunday as on shabbos.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 6:36 am
I’m surprised so many people didn’t give the actual reason for a kiddush in honor of a baby girl.

This is done for the new baby to “collect brachos” for life. The attendees of the kiddush are supposed to give brachos to the baby’s parents...

I know more than one case where a young woman was having a difficult time finding her חתן. After questioning the girls revealed (to different rabbanim) that their parents never made them a kiddush when they were born. Different rabbanim suggested that the girls parents sponsor a kiddush in her honor even though each girl was already in her twenties.

The brachos that are given at the time of the kiddush in the baby’s honor remain with her for life.

In the future, if you know you don’t want to make a kiddush I heard that it’s sufficient to give schnapps and cakes and a לחיים is made at the time of the naming. When the men drink a לחיים and wish Mazel Tov to the baby’s father and shower him with brachos that is okay too.
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 6:50 am
But one can make a party/ 'seudat hodaya' on a weekday too, and people will still say mazal tov and give brachot.
I think it became a shabbat thing because that's usually when the baby is named.

In Israel plenty of people make a celebration on a weekday. There's no Sunday off work in Israel, but people either do it one evening, or Friday morning is very popular too. And it can be a few weeks after birth, does not have to be within the week!

In answer to your question - how to make it 'in honour of the baby' - you, your husband or someone, can give a dvar torah expressing your thanks to Hashem, explaining why you named your daughter as you did, read some tehillim, etc.
And decorate the house/hall with pink balloons!
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 7:31 am
We didn't except for one, because I wanted to be there hence not shabbes
You can kiddush at bas mitzva if you fear G-d's wrath over the innocent
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 12:53 pm
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
"It's an inyan" is frumspeak for "this is how things are done in my neighborhood.”


True. Unfortunately, they THINK it means “This is Torat Moshe MiSinai, yehareg ve-al yaavor.”
I really wish schools would teach what is Halacha, what is minhag Yisrael, what is minhag hamakom, and what is minhag shtus.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 1:27 pm
Quote from Chabad.org
“People often hold the kiddush following the service when they named their new baby at the Torah. The Jewish soul enters the body at the time of the baby-naming, and the celebration is in honor of the new soul.”

The name and kiddush do not have to be given on shabbos. But it is customary to give the name as a משברך at עליה לתורה. Hence many will give the name on monday or thursday (if they don’t want to wait for shabbos) with a little mezonos and shnapps.
A full fledged kiddush is not necessary, it’s a nice way to have family share in your simcha and have brachos for your child’s future. A kiddush for men only is perfectly fine.
Mazal tov and much nachas to you.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:05 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
I’m surprised so many people didn’t give the actual reason for a kiddush in honor of a baby girl.

This is done for the new baby to “collect brachos” for life. The attendees of the kiddush are supposed to give brachos to the baby’s parents...

I know more than one case where a young woman was having a difficult time finding her חתן. After questioning the girls revealed (to different rabbanim) that their parents never made them a kiddush when they were born. Different rabbanim suggested that the girls parents sponsor a kiddush in her honor even though each girl was already in her twenties.

The brachos that are given at the time of the kiddush in the baby’s honor remain with her for life.

In the future, if you know you don’t want to make a kiddush I heard that it’s sufficient to give schnapps and cakes and a לחיים is made at the time of the naming. When the men drink a לחיים and wish Mazel Tov to the baby’s father and shower him with brachos that is okay too.

But those same Brachos can be given at a gathering on Sunday, instead of on shabbos. There is nothing about shabbos specifically. When a baby is named during the week, the baby naming/davening is often followed by a little l’Chaim and kiddush. It’s aboht the Brachos not about what day hose Brachos are given.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:07 pm
zaq wrote:
True. Unfortunately, they THINK it means “This is Torat Moshe MiSinai, yehareg ve-al yaavor.”
I really wish schools would teach what is Halacha, what is minhag Yisrael, what is minhag hamakom, and what is minhag shtus.

This one isn’t on schools. This one is on parents.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:17 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
But those same Brachos can be given at a gathering on Sunday, instead of on shabbos. There is nothing about shabbos specifically. When a baby is named during the week, the baby naming/davening is often followed by a little l’Chaim and kiddush. It’s aboht the Brachos not about what day hose Brachos are given.


There is no עליה on a Sunday. ( unless of course it’s ר״ח or yom tov)

There is something special about the shul atmosphere and torah layning. The men with their טלית (and תפילין , if weekday) (to me at least) makes it so much more meaningful.
One of our grandsons had a bris at home and yes it was beautiful, but I felt the difference.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:19 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
There is no עליה on a Sunday. ( unless of course it’s ר״ח or yom tov)

There is something special about the shul atmosphere and torah layning. The men with their טלית (and תפילין , if weekday) (to me at least) makes it so much more meaningful.
One of our grandsons had a bris at home and yes it was beautiful, but I felt the difference.

Again, make a l’chaim after baby naming/minyan, and make the party whenever.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:29 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
Again, make a l’chaim after baby naming/minyan, and make the party whenever.


But it’s not just a “party”. There is meaning to it and various inyanim when naming. That is why most people want it on shabbos when there is kedusha.
True you can “do it whenever you want” but it’s not the same.
And if mom waits until she has her strength back, when is she having this “party”? 3-4 weeks later? Then what is the point? Therefore in shul, on shabbos when it is still new is what most people do.
Again not a chiyuv, not yehareg val yavoer, just something nice to have on shabbos. And don’t forget that most people are more willing and relaxed on shabbos. And are most likely already attending shul.

Of course you can skip the kiddush on the ladies side and many shuls have takonos which state that only simple mezonos and liquor and no fancy cakes or salads or chulent or herring are permitted.
Whatever one decides mazal tov to them and many brachos too.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 2:54 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
But it’s not just a “party”. There is meaning to it and various inyanim when naming. That is why most people want it on shabbos when there is kedusha.
True you can “do it whenever you want” but it’s not the same.
And if mom waits until she has her strength back, when is she having this “party”? 3-4 weeks later? Then what is the point? Therefore in shul, on shabbos when it is still new is what most people do.
Again not a chiyuv, not yehareg val yavoer, just something nice to have on shabbos. And don’t forget that most people are more willing and relaxed on shabbos. And are most likely already attending shul.

You missed the part where I said you can make a little kiddush and l’chaim after the naming or after davening. It doesn’t need to be a whole big thing.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Sun, Dec 01 2019, 3:39 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
You missed the part where I said you can make a little kiddush and l’chaim after the naming or after davening. It doesn’t need to be a whole big thing.


I agree with you. If mom wants a “ party” she can do it any day of the week. I was just explaining why most people have it on shabbos and in shul.

Of course it not absolutely necessary to have anything more than some lchaim and mezonos. Just skip the big shindig and save money and kochos.
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