Is anyone not yeshivish HAPPY in Lakewood?

amother

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 11:44 pm

I don't mean a yeshivish family where the father works, I mean NOT yeshivish. Not anti-yeshivish but just not bought into the whole "system." I know there are people like this in Lakewood but not sure if it's a solid healthy environment for this kind of family.

Neighborhoods branching out from Lakewood also count for this question.

chasdie Hashem

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 12:06 am

E/t has pros & cons..
U like a cheese danish?yes to the taste & no to the gaining wieght...
Be more specific what your nervous about.
Do you drive?
Are you scared not to live close your parents?
......
Good luck deciding Hashem should give you clarity

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 12:12 am

chasdie Hashem wrote:

I’m not reading op as chassidish. But more worldly.

Read the Lakewood school help thread.
I think a lot of young couples are moving to Jackson and Toms River assuming there are schools there. The schools are still Lakewood schools. Even schools to the ‘left’ are pretty yeshivish. For girls now there are 1-2 options that are still evolving. For boys there are very few.
Something will have to happen to acclimate all the new families but I’m not sure what.

Eta - I’m oot yeshivish. Living here 16 years. There is stil so much I struggle with in terms of schooling and boxing and categories. I thing ppl from ny deal with that much better.
And it only gets harder. Boys high schools are so right. With so little English. Girls schools are so boxed.

amother

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 12:28 am

chasdie Hashem wrote:

I am interested in sticking with my original question, thanks. I am not interested in analyzing the details of my needs or decision making, or the details of all the pros and cons of Lakewood. I ONLY want to know if there are people who are NOT yeshivish who are happy in Lakewood (and its immediate offshoots, Toms River etc) and find that it is a healthy place to raise a non-yeshivish family.

By non-yeshivish I mean JPF, OOT.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 6:53 am

Not op but I think about this too. I'd like to live in Lakewood for a number of reasons.
I'm not yeshivish but I could camouflage easily in Lakewood on a day to day basis. It's just the big picture hashkafa that I'm not aligned with. I've been advised not to move to Lakewood because it would be too hard for us to get our kids into school since we're "different".

chasdie Hashem

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:10 am

Sorry ,I didn’t mean to discuss your personal life...I have my own to deal w Bh:)
Just wanted to help you put down the ups & downs so you can decide 4 yourself...
But I guess that’s not what you wanted ..
Hatslacha raba!
Have wonderful day in whichever state you live in Smile

lkwdlady

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:15 am

I think it’s fine for all types here...
Not even sure where I fit in..
Definitely not ultra yeshivish and we are happy

Last edited by lkwdlady on Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:19 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:18 am

Lakewood is no life longer a yeshivish community at all! It has changed tremendously over the last 15 years.
Chassidim moved here, people from modern orthodox backgrounds settled here...
People tend to walk around happy if they have friends, a good marriage...
Basically, if you are a happy person there’s no real reason why you would suddenly become unhappy living in Lakewood.
Moves are hard as is settling in so that takes time...
There’s no such thing as a perfect place with no issues ever.. hopefully you’ll make new friends as will your children and you’ll enjoy.
Plenty of non yeshivish families... you wouldn’t be the only ones by far!!

amother

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 11:42 am

Thank you for all responses!

Some follow up questions.
Are there schools that don't push yeshivish mentality? Or do they make you feel like second class citizens?
Are there shuls or community groups that are not yeshivish?
I keep hearing about horrible crises getting girls into high schools. How scared should I be?
Are there boys schools with strong secular studies? Kollel encouragement ok but not pressure that it's the only way to go?

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 11:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Boys schools that mightfit the bill are YTT TAshbar and Orchos Chaim.
No clue about girls schools.

My kids are little but I know there wouldn't have been a school that exactly matched our hashkafos anywhere. So if my boys want to wear white shirts and black hats, I'll happily buy for them. If they want to learn in kollel and work on the side (tutor or whatever), I will support that choice even though I'd personally promote getting a degree from a place like Landers or Ner Israel. Basically, I know my kids won't be exactly like me, but that wouldn't happen anywhere! All my friends from seminary are different than their families etc.

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 1:31 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Eta - I’m oot yeshivish. Living here 16 years. There is stil so much I struggle with in terms of schooling and boxing and categories. I thing ppl from ny deal with that much better.
And it only gets harder. Boys high schools are so right. With so little English. Girls schools are so boxed.

I'm not from OOT and I relate to this so much. I was raised to be myself - and not so cookie-cutter. I try to give that over to my kids as well.

But I've had good years in Lakewood. Life isn't defined for me by the in-the-box people. I've sent my kids to schools that have space, and I B"H have friends.

I am on the yeshivish spectrum, though, so I guess that makes it easier.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 1:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

For boys high schools there are almost no options with good English. Even the ones with any English are optional or minimumal or lacking. This is something I’m struggling with now.
And doing a ged program for my son wouldn’t work with the long days. I’m finding the choices very hard.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 2:11 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Why would you need a GED diploma if he gets his high school diploma?

Edited- I didn’t realize Lakewood high schools don’t give high school diplomas!! I send my son to a high school out of Lakewood with an English program.