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Are you stereotypically feminine?
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Poll

Do you consider youself more masculine or feminine?
Totally feminine  
 20%  [ 35 ]
Somewhat feminine  
 31%  [ 54 ]
Equal balance  
 30%  [ 51 ]
Somewhat masculine  
 15%  [ 27 ]
Totally Masculine  
 1%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 170


Ravenclaw




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 6:54 am
I guess the post about how men like to support their wives and women like to cook a delicious meal got me thinking. I like working outside the home much more than caring for my home and cooking. I don't know, I am not saying I don't feel good when I do cook a delicious meal, but it's not any different than the way I would feel about any accomplishment. Bringing home a check feels much better to me than serving a freshly cooked meal, though both feel good.

Of course, as the OP there said, men and women tend to be different for the most part (whether due to nurture or nature), but I wonder if it's 60% of women or 95%.

How feminine or masculine do you feel? I am referring specifically to "traditional traits" (because of course everyone is different) such as:

Masculine: ambitious, assertive, outgoing, loud, opinionated, logical, dominant, thinking, individualistic, career-oriented, future, messy and doesn't notice the details as much as the big picture, enjoys cars and technology, isn't grossed out or frightened by things

Feminine: passive, understanding, receptive, giving, deferring, emotional, compassionate, intuitive, collectivist, family-oriented, present, clean and notices the small beautifying details, enjoys shopping/fashion, afraid of or disgusted by bugs/blood/etc.

ETA: I am the last person to stereotype, as I personally believe that gendered traits are 99% socially influenced, if existent at all. But I see people are misunderstanding me, so I changed the title to "stereotypically feminine" as opposed to simply "feminine". But let me quickly clarify what I mean. The words feminine and masculine are concepts and have nothing to do with whether you are male or female. In Miriam Kosman's book "Circle, Arrow, Spiral" she explores this and talks about how masculinity and feminity are two polarized ways of interacting with the world, and that does not mean that people are inherently that way at all. All of us fall on this spectrum, and our aim should be to find a happy medium between the two. Carl Jung also refers to this as the animus and anima.

I started this thread to break stereotypes, not reinforce them. And so far the poll has been consistent with that idea--we rarely fall into boxes. As for the other things (bugs, cars, etc) those are social beliefs that people have about men and women, which I also believe to be generally false, which is why I included them. I have heard many argue against ezras nashim because "how can women handle blood". I hate that. So I want to disprove these silly stereotypes.


Last edited by Ravenclaw on Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:00 am
I voted equal balance. I like fashion and enjoy cooking. I work in an intellectually challenging field dominated by men and love my career. People have called me "softly fierce".
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:20 am
I dont like your split of feminine/masculine.

I think I'm very feminine, very womanly. But I am ambitious, and would much rather accomplish something in the outside world than cook a meal.
I also kill all the bugs/cockroaches in the house (or save them and put them outside). And I'm the one who wakes up to check out noises in the night. My dh isnt afraid of bugs or noises, he's just oblivious.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:28 am
Ravenclaw wrote:
Masculine: ambitious, assertive, outgoing, loud, opinionated, logical, dominant, thinking, individualistic, career-oriented, future, messy and doesn't notice the details as much as the big picture, enjoys cars and technology, isn't grossed out or frightened by things

Feminine: passive, understanding, receptive, giving, deferring, emotional, compassionate, intuitive, collectivist, family-oriented, present, clean and notices the small beautifying details, enjoys shopping/fashion, afraid of or disgusted by bugs/blood/etc.


There is a spectrum of femininity and masculinity. No woman is 100% feminine, and no man is 100% masculine. Some traits are more masculine, some are more feminine, and some are 50-50 either way.

For example: I love sports and mathematics. I have little interest in fashion but I adore makeup. I'm not domestically inclined. I'm known as a person who leads with my head, but I have a strong emotional side that isn't easily noticeable unless you know me well.

I actually don't have most of the traits you listed as masculine or feminine.
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amother




Tan
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:32 am
I don't consider any of my traits masculine or feminine. I don't think it makes sense to assign a gender to traits that anyone can have.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:35 am
Like fuschia, I don't really like or ascribe to the way you are splitting this up.

I happen to have strong domestic skills B"H and I feel satisfaction from getting the house in shape, and cooking a great meal, and baking fresh cake or babka or cookies (or all three). On a day off from work, I could spend the whole day stocking the freezer (I did that last Thursday.)

I also work in the professional realm, and get satisfaction from being able to do my job well there.

And I also consider myself feminine, which has nothing to do with either of the above.

I don't agree with your definition of feminine. Passive, how is that feminine? My very wise older sister says that her husband is the bus (boss), but she is the driver. It has long been considered a feminine art to let the man of the house feel like he's in charge, but the woman subtly gets her wishes across....I wouldn't call that passive.

As to bugs....grr...I hate them, but if I see one, I'm not letting it hang around all day till DH comes home (but I could see my very logical, down-to-earth, practical DD doing that B"EH when she gets married. She has this thing about bugs....)
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:37 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
I dont like your split of feminine/masculine.

I think I'm very feminine, very womanly. But I am ambitious, and would much rather accomplish something in the outside world than cook a meal.
I also kill all the bugs/cockroaches in the house (or save them and put them outside). And I'm the one who wakes up to check out noises in the night. My dh isnt afraid of bugs or noises, he's just oblivious.


It's not my split, it's society's split. Believe me, I don't like it either, hence this thread.

There's a reason I emphasized "traditional traits" as in stereotypes. I believe any of those traits can appear in any gender, but in the world people still make assumptions and comments based on the above lists.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:44 am
I see people are taking this as my saying that feminity=passivity or whatever. I am not saying that at all. But if you google "feminine traits" or read any sefer about feminity/masculinity, the above will pop up. I am also all over the place. I tend to be creative, compassionate and intuitive, while also ambitious and thinking. I can be emotional, but still strongly opinionated. Of course no one is 100% anything. I actually started this thread to disprove popular urban myths about "women" but somehow it seems people are understanding this differently I guess?

Masculine and feminine are koichos. They do not necessarily have to do with which gender you are. I personally believe that while people are born somewhere on the spectrum, the ideal is to find a happy balance between both koichos.

I feel like I am not coming across clear.
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amother




Amber
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:48 am
I have a sil who is very masculine. But she isnt a happy person. She claims she loves it. But you can see on her.
Her husband is the mother in the house (sans cooking and cleaning. She has a full time housekeeper + cleaning lady for that.)
Her husband still learns and he's loving it.
Its not the fact that she is working. Its the lack of womanlyness. Hard to explain. She "wears the pants in the house"
Its sad to see how her kids are growing up. She thinks they dont miss out on anything. Her kids also think they arent. But I see it.
They are missing a mothers touch. A mothers heart. They have every newest trend. A massive house, brand name whatever they want. Expensive extracarriculars. But they still want "more". Its sad.

Its ok for a mother to work. Sometimes its even prefferable. But you need to remember to be a mother first and foremost.

Funny thing is, my husband is a spitting image of her. They even have similar voices.
For a woman She has a powerful mens voice and my husband has a sweet voice for a man.
When they sing (they both do so beautifully) its almost the same voice. Dancing

And my husband is a very gentle soul. But also a real man.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 8:00 am
I edited my OP to clarify my position.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 8:13 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
I voted equal balance. I like fashion and enjoy cooking. I work in an intellectually challenging field dominated by men and love my career. People have called me "softly fierce".

I’m the same except for the softly fierce. Not sure what people say about me but know that my husband gets a lot of teasing about his ability to do laundry/take care of his kids/cook dinner from family members who still think it’s 1950🙄
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amother




Gray
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 8:41 am
I am very much not stereotypically feminine. I've always been a tomboy. I'm into sports. Have zero interest in fashion, never wear makeup or nail polish, and I'd rather my husband get me tickets to a sports game for a gift than jewelry or flowers. The only domestic task I enjoy is cooking (I'm a big foodie. I think cooking is not necessarily a male or female thing, some of the biggest celebrity chefs are men. It's more of a are you into food or not thing). I have zero interest in decorating my home. I have a career that I enjoy, and that has always been the plan (I have at times been a sahm, like when I was between jobs, and hated it). I don't really like babies, I'm much better with older kids. I'm not at all inclined toward the vast majority of "feminine" interests, and most things that supposedly come naturally to women don't come naturally to me. My mother spent years trying to fight that, so it definitely took me awhile to come to terms with it, but now I'm happy and comfortable with who I am.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 8:49 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
I dont like your split of feminine/masculine.

I think I'm very feminine, very womanly. But I am ambitious, and would much rather accomplish something in the outside world than cook a meal.
I also kill all the bugs/cockroaches in the house (or save them and put them outside). And I'm the one who wakes up to check out noises in the night. My dh isnt afraid of bugs or noises, he's just oblivious.


Haha meeeeee! Except my husbands is terrified of bugs. I have no problem squishing em with my perfectly manicured, feminine hands LOL
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amother




Teal
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 9:00 am
My husband and I would mostly follow your list technically, however in actuality parts of my personality are stereotypically masculine in that I’m an introvert and don’t generally show much emotion. I also think very logically and don’t make emotional decisions. My husband is much more emotional and an extrovert. It’s much easier to get to his soft side (and don’t my kids know it 😅). That being said he is far from a pushover and will go after what he wants and needs, so there is really no “neat” way to put people into boxes.
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amother




Natural
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 10:14 am
Not sure how to vote. Don’t want to go with Totally Masculine (although all of those traits fit me), because some of the (so-called) feminine traits (e.g. understanding, compassionate, etc.) fit me too. On the other hand, Somewhat Masculine doesn’t seem to be enough. I’d vote Strongly Masculine or Mostly Masculine - if that was a choice.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 10:20 am
Masculine: ambitious, assertive, outgoing, loud, opinionated, logical, dominant, thinking, individualistic, career-oriented, future, messy and doesn't notice the details as much as the big picture, enjoys cars and technology, isn't grossed out or frightened by things

Feminine: passive, understanding, receptive, giving, deferring, emotional, compassionate, intuitive, collectivist, family-oriented, present, clean and notices the small beautifying details, enjoys shopping/fashion, afraid of or disgusted by bugs/blood/etc.

I am the bolded.
So some of both?
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Tue, Dec 03 2019, 10:27 am
I hate dressing up for wedding's and wearing high heels
I also dont wear make up
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Sat, Dec 07 2019, 5:36 pm
I am very soft and warm, love nature hikes, rough and tumble play with kids, love shooting baskets, dresses but also boy shoes. I love country music. What does this make me?
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Dec 07 2019, 5:40 pm
Every normal person is a balance.
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Dec 07 2019, 5:57 pm
I’m not sure what to answer, so I selected the middle option based on your descriptors, although I do like to think I am more feminine.

I like cooking (and good food!), hate baking, like pretty things like decor and cool furniture, am hopeless at housekeeping, love problem solving but hate organizing, enjoy fashion as a hobby, love climbing trees but am terrible at sports, scared of bugs but I stay calm in emergencies (just not bug emergencies LOL), am into tech but not cars, love art, love building things (from LEGO to actual furniture to designing clothes), am emotional and sensitive to profound lyrics or a well written book, but not super sensitive personal feelings, can see the big picture and am not detail oriented, am ambitious but also a little lazy. Major self introspection going on here!
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