Are you stereotypically feminine?

small bean

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 9:03 pm

This is so stereotypical and I think that's why equal will win out.

I think feminine is empowered, strong, intuitive, confident, gentle, humble.

I think it set of attributes. I dont do makeup or heels. I dont do housework or cooking. I think I'm very feminine though.

amother

Mustard

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 9:06 pm

I love makeup and perfume,
I enjoy dressing nicely and wearing heels for weddings,
I’m compassionate and nurturing - at least I think so!
I’m intuitive, have inner confidence and am gentle, I’m soft and calm - even in labour I wish I can yell sometimes but it just doesn’t work somehow, I just moan. (Wish I could scream! Lol)
BUT PASSIVE? why is that considered a feminine trait? That’s kind of like being spaced out....!
Because I think even in marriage- when the husband is the “mashpia” and the wife is the “mekabel”/ receiver. She’s not passive.
It’s like a plug and socket.
Yes he plugs into her and she receives- but she’s not passive- she turns him on and she makes the whole system work! And I don’t mean just physicaly. A passive connection is kind of sad.
In abusive or unfortunately dysfunctional “electronics” - then of course it makes sense that such a wife might become passive and flat —the whole system doesn’t work well.
But in a healthy marriage a woman isn’t passive at all!
They are connect —she’s happy, excited and active.
And if she doesn’t connect to something she might be passive and flat about it- and that’s ok sometimes. (As would he sometimes)
But no husband likes passive as part of the relationship- even though most do like feminine- just my opinion.

I don’t like cooking or baking or babysitting and am the intellectual type and earn a lot of money.

I still consider myself pretty feminine.

zaq

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 9:40 pm

None of this is inherently one or the other, and whether any trait is viewed as one or the other depends on the culture. But what I notice —and resent—in Western culture is that anything viewed as feminine suddenly becomes masculine when it brings in lots of cash—and so-called masculine pursuits become feminine when they become low-paying.

The original typists were men until typing became commonplace. Sewing is feminine—unless you’re a big name tailor or haberdasher. Cooking is feminine unless you’re a chef. Teaching is feminine unless you’re a professor. Taking care of the sick is feminine unless you’re a doctor. Drawing and painting are feminine but the big-name artists were, historically, men.

Granted the stereotypes and pay inequities are changing, but too little and too slowly.

Ravenclaw

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 9:47 pm

zaq wrote:

OMG I love this post.

groisamomma

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 10:12 pm

BetsyTacy wrote:

I am amused at the thought of wearing heels=feminine. To me wearing heels=torture. Now I know we ladies do some suffering in the name of looking our best but I cannot smile if my toes are in agony.

I don't fit neatly in any of the categories because I like the fun parts of both and dislike the responsibilities of both. I hate anything related to housekeeping and shopping, but I like the fun parts of being a woman like doing my nails. Same with masculinity. I like the fun parts such as sports, building things with my hands, etc. but I don't like the responsibilities such as filling the car with gas or checking out nighttime noises.

tigerwife

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 11:17 pm

small bean wrote:

I agree with you. Perhaps I’m biased (being a woman, after all) but I think women are much more powerful and effective than men. Men have their pros, of course, mainly physical strength and stamina (for the most part), but women can basically do anything men can do plus actually grow and nurture babies. We’re nicer looking, too! Wink

I have nothing against the men in my life, but I do believe women are deeper and more complex. I don’t mind when men believe that women are delicate and need to be protected; I think our bodies are finer, more delicate instruments that do need finer care. Of course, there will always be men and women that fit the opposite mold, but generally I think we are super cool.

Maybe I simply believe I can be anything I want to be, unlimited by gender. Respect comes from within, no matter which gender you are dealing with. Please do not be bitter about boundaries you feel and embrace your strengths.

itsmeima

Sat, Dec 07 2019, 11:29 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

I have a sil who is very masculine. But she isnt a happy person. She claims she loves it. But you can see on her.
Her husband is the mother in the house (sans cooking and cleaning. She has a full time housekeeper + cleaning lady for that.)
Her husband still learns and he's loving it.
Its not the fact that she is working. Its the lack of womanlyness. Hard to explain. She "wears the pants in the house"
Its sad to see how her kids are growing up. She thinks they dont miss out on anything. Her kids also think they arent. But I see it.
They are missing a mothers touch. A mothers heart. They have every newest trend. A massive house, brand name whatever they want. Expensive extracarriculars. But they still want "more". Its sad.

Its ok for a mother to work. Sometimes its even prefferable. But you need to remember to be a mother first and foremost.

Funny thing is, my husband is a spitting image of her. They even have similar voices.
For a woman She has a powerful mens voice and my husband has a sweet voice for a man.
When they sing (they both do so beautifully) its almost the same voice. Dancing

And my husband is a very gentle soul. But also a real man.

Ouch! The royal “I”!

gold21

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 12:01 am

Not sure about feminine but I’m very maternal

I like to cook and keep house and help kids with homework and all that, yes I enjoy it

I suppose I have a pretty feminine personality ... I’m on the quieter side, I really value close friendships and I stick with my friendships, and yes I need that emotional vent to a friend (or spouse!) on a semi-regular basis.... I’m a worrier, I’m an over thinker... I second guess myself... I get insulted pretty easily.... I’m expressive and I enjoy talking at length to the people I’m close to.

But I’m also a very determined person. Oh, and I have no problem advocating for myself. If you mess with me, I’m not gonna sit there and take it. I’ll be super nice to you unless, and until, you’re mean to me. That’s the mantra.

I don’t really have feminine interests. No manicures please. I’ll only shop if I have to. I don’t like to spend money. I don’t like to chitchat or gossip about the latest news and drama. I don’t enjoy small talk. I don’t window shop or have much interest in spending money on extraneous items in general. I don’t want to discuss your outfit or your kids outfit. Don’t care about your backsplash or new furniture. Most likely won’t even notice it.

I’ll gladly scream during labor if need be. Cool

I do enjoy playing with different perfumes and experimenting with face creams and moisturizers and skincare products though.

How do I stack up?

LovesHashem

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 1:49 am

Femininity and Maternal are too different things.

I know a few feminine non maternal moms and I see their kids suffer.
On the other hand I have a few friends who are not "feminine" one of them is now working on repairing cars. She loves finding how things work and trying new things and hate jewlery and makeup - but she loves her little boys to death and she loves cuddling them and hugging them and is super maternal.

amother

Tan

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 3:17 am

BetsyTacy wrote:

I am amused at the thought of wearing heels=feminine. To me wearing heels=torture. Now I know we ladies do some suffering in the name of looking our best but I cannot smile if my toes are in agony.

Wearing heels is feminine because it makes your feminine features more noticeable.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 7:05 am

I don’t know how to vote. I would have said totally feminine, because in many ways I am “classic girl” even my looks are very feminine. (Very petite and delicate looking.) men tend to think I will break in half. If I stop someone in the street for directions, six men will come running. I love shopping and dressing up. I am content to be submissive in most areas. I love the idea of cooking and baking for my family. I always wanted a lot of kids. I’m very emotional. But I’m also a very deep thinker. And when you listed all the feminine and masculine traits I was able to pick from both lists. I hate bugs, I’m not scared of blood. I love sports. I love to show off my new clothes. So basically I’m not sure what to choose. Definitely more feminine then masculine.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:19 am

To look at me, you would think I am a stereotypical female. I let DH make most of the decisions on the surface. I will say whatever DH decides is fine by me.

Behind the scenes, I am the one handling the investments and secured our financial future. I am dead one logical with a former career in a typically male field and earned most of the money that formed the foundation of finances before I married DH. I use my knowledge to further our position.

DH will tell me when he wants something major. I find the best way to purchase it.

SuperWify

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:22 am

I consider myself feminine but I’d hate to be called passive. I’m outgoing and ambitious. However, I love cooking and do get a huge sense of satisfaction from a well run home. I love dressing up and playing with makeup yet I hate heels and ironing my hair (BH for wigs!).

I’d prefer not to deal with the money issues of parnasa yet somehow I’m always involved...

Oh and I’m not afraid of bugs. In our home, I’m the (bug) killer.
Or dogs. (DH is terrified.)

And I’m the one who uses the drill and puts new furniture together.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 9:40 am

I am ultra feminine, extremely artistic and offended by dirt, chaos, and disorder,
very sensitive, empathetic to a fault, have trouble holding myself aloof when necessary because of my need to meld with others and find unity with every one I meet. Decorating, fashion, baking, anything creative and aesthetic are my passions...I wish I was more passive, however, I am way too sensitive to feeling even slightly made fun of or lacking love and validation...I have been trying for 30 years to develop a thicker skin, because if I trust you, I have a great self deprecating humor. But most people are hurtful to sensitive, feminine me, so I am guarded, or over share and recoil. Sigh.

amother

Mint

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 9:51 am

I voted equal balance.
I am logical, thought out (working on being more in tune with my emotions)
I am not afraid of bugs though I get disgusted
I hate doing laundry or cleaning but I don't mind cooking
I love my job but I hate how it takes me away from my kids
I understand my kids better than DH but lack the patience to be fully present, unlike DH who can get silly with them and give them a good time but doesn't connect with them emotionally.
I love to dress up but only do it when I have to, I'd rather be comfortable any day, and if DH wouldn't love to see me in heels, I'd rarely wear them.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 11:09 am

Ha. I am clearly masculine according to this thread. Interesting because I identify as a strong, confident, capable, giving, value driven woman. My husband finds me womanly and would laugh at the posted 'feminine traits.' I dont understand either set of categorizations here, though I agree that femininity and masculinity is a spectrum. I guess we're not traditional.

I noticed a number of moms on this thread say things about the kids of strong women as " missing a mothers touch. A mothers heart."
Sorry, not everyone is the same. Every woman who birthed or raised a child has a "mothers heart."

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 11:59 am

I don't know where to put myself on that scale. Most of my traits seem neither particularly feminine nor masculine. I'm a clear nerd. Introverted, socially awkward and with a university degree. I even wear nerdy glasses. If I'd been born a few years later, I might have ended up as some kind of computer programmer. I'm interested in science and politics. When it comes to clothing - I hate overly feminine things. They also look weird on me. I prefer sporty things or on the other hand, weird hippie styles. I married late in life and never got entirely used to being a wife and mother, even after many years. Dh is a bit off the beaten path as well, so we get along fine. I hate routine household chores and have the excuse of working outside the house, so dh does nearly all laundry and dishwashing. Unfortunately he doesn't do floors. I also don't like cooking much but I do like odd things like growing sourdough and baking bread with it or growing our own yogurt. And I like gardening. But I can hardly sew a button on. Our children - I love them deeply but I'm bad at both maintaining routine discipline and at playing with them. So basically, I'm neither feminine nor masculine, I'm simply in a different orbit altogether. My favorite people to socialize with are nerds of both genders. Typical women's talk at simchas bores the pants (okay, skirt) off me! I hate women's sections of any place because of that. At the men's side they at least have Divrei Torah. So I'd really need a new category - neither!