Secret San**a | Imamother

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Secret San**a

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amother

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:24 pm

So my workplace has a "secret s***a" holiday gift exchange. If I don't participate it looks bad, but I'm not comfortable taking part in a xtian holiday ritual (even though I don't think it has religious significance). Anyome else have experience with this?

TwinsMommy

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:30 pm

My husband's workplace does that and because of him, they simply didn't call it Secret Santa. I forgot what cute name they gave it but it was pareve. You could ask if they could simply change the name to..... ? Holiday helpers? Holiday Gift Exchange? Buy something cheap but not too cheap for your co-worker you barely know? (kidding on that last one).

And if they're REALLY open to making changes for you and other non Xtians, you could ask if it can be a birthday thing instead. You give to your recipient on their birthday instead of all at once at holiday time. My husband's workplace switched to that (not because of him, just because).

Nothing wrong with you getting or giving gifts around Channukah time and Xmas is pretty darn close to Channukah most years. Great to be a kiddush HaShem in the workplace and participate in stuff whenever possible (barring going out to treif restaurants and the like). Just hopefully the person who picks you won't assume you want Xmas wrapping paper and a nice ornament.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:32 pm

Just out of curiosity, is Santa a bad word?

LOL

amother

Mustard

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:33 pm

Yes and I have participated because in an office among adults it has nothing to do with Xmas,

People with no religion or non-Xian religions generally exchange gifts as appropriate during the holiday season. It's no different (at least to me) than a holiday gift to your assistant or people who provide services to you.

If it makes you feel better, call it a Hanukah Harry gift and wrap it in blue and silver.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:33 pm

It's just a name. We did this in school called it Secret Pal or Secret Friend.
Literally not a big deal.

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:34 pm

I was wondering ab*** that too...

amother

Indigo

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:35 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Just out of curiosity, is Santa a bad word?

LOL

How can you say that word?

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:36 pm

My husband's work does it, but I don't remember what it's called. It's just one of those silly social things that it's better to participate in than be the difficult, anti-social one. Do see if they would be open to changing the name, but ultimately, does the name really matter? Maybe you can just re-frame it in your head; it's a consumerist holiday thing, not a religious thing:)

amother

Lilac

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:38 pm

Jewishfoodie wrote:

I was wondering ab*** that too...

JF, you never fail to make me crack up!

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:39 pm

It's just the name. I work in a Jewish workplace and we do the same thing but call it Mystery Maccabee.

Iymnok

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 4:42 pm

In school they called it nutty buddies. They put the names in peanut shells.

amother

Orange

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:15 pm

OP, I feel you. My work is doing this too except we are explicitly instructed to bring Xmas tree ornaments, so yeah, definitely not just a generic holiday thing. My plan is to either be sick or have a conveniently scheduled client visit for that time.

amother

Blue

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:17 pm

I hear ya Op!
We would not want to participate in anything even remotely Xtian or related to their holiday. Thats how we hold.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:35 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Imagine how the person who you are assigned to will feel. Everyone gets something except for them. And you.

I really don't see the big deal it is not participating in the holiday to respect your coworkers and participate in the work camaraderie. I love how we all expect them to respect us and our customs but we can't respect them?
This is part of what happens when you work in a non Jewish environment. Don't wish them Merry x-mas and just do what needs to be done.

amother

Orange

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:44 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

Assigning names happens at the exchange, so if I’m not there, I just won’t be part of the swap. Don’t worry, everyone who participates will get their ornament. If I were already assigned to give a specific coworker something, of course I’d bring it and just donate the ornament I received. And I have no issue wishing people a merry Xmas—I want them to have a good holiday.

iyar

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:44 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I hear ya Op!
We would not want to participate in anything even remotely Xtian or related to their holiday. Thats how we hold.

I don't want to argue with how you hold, but I'm not sure OP has to do this.
Don't laugh at me but I was trying to figure out what San**a could possibly be.
IMNSHO 2 asterisks to replace the T in Santa is a bit much.
In this day and age be'medinosainu it's mostly a commercial holiday.
I would find a creche in my place of work offensive and would avert my eyes, but I don't think you have to worry about the zaideh with the white beard and the red hat. I wouldn't ask anyone to turn him into a maccabee to make me happy. On the contrary, I prefer to keep my menorah and my beliefs inside my cozy house and let them enjoy the holiday in this innocuous way. In the olden days back in Eastern Europe X-mas was a good time to rile up the masses and start a pogrom. If all they're asking me to do is wrap and exchange a gift- I'd do it.

(If you wonder why I say X-mas even though I'm okay with Santa- there's a prohibition against mentioning a foreign deity. Whether it's forbidden both verbally and in writing is a question. Whether he's considered a deity or not is also not so clear. There are questions about X-tians being ovdei avoda zara or not. I haven't studied enough theology or (le'havdil) enough Halacha to be sure. AFAIK nobody connects any divinity with Santa and his reindeer in the galus we currently find ourselves in so he's in a different category. It did make me laugh to find him on a bottle of Coke at a kiddush I attended next to the cholent and the kugel.)

SixOfWands

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:51 pm

iyar wrote:

It did make me laugh to find him on a bottle of Coke at a kiddush I attended next to the cholent and the kugel.)

Look at the dude. He looks like he's enjoyed a couple of cholents and kugels. Might even prefer them to stale cookies.

In any case, I agree. Its really no big deal.

As to the ornament one, I'd politely decline to participate, saying that as a Jew, you don't decorate or have a tree, so it would be wasteful for you to participate. If there's a party involved with it, offer to bring donuts, which are sort of kinda a Chanukah food, to celebrate your winter holiday.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:52 pm

I once worked for a place with very naive coworkers and received a tree ornament.

I just said thank you and gave it to a Xtian friend who has a tree and she was delighted because it was a beautiful ornament.

I don’t expect to receive a real gift at these things. I once received Playboy poker chips which I donated to the Jewish thrift store.

No one means to be offensive but some people don’t have much common sense. In a work situation it’s best not to make waves unless it is something that really matters.

groisamomma

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:54 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

Last I heard they weren't expected to give me mishloach manos or eat matza because of my holiday.

Imposing your customs on someone in a way that opting out creates discomfort is disrespecting them.

Signed,
A teacher that makes Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Xmas parties every year. I just call them Harvest Lunch or Holiday party out of respect to the students from other religions. Easy.

ETA that every year I get Xmas ornaments and holiday cookies. I take it and give it to the "resident Gentile" at school (his words, not mine).

Last edited by groisamomma on Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Amber

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 5:58 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I hear ya Op!
We would not want to participate in anything even remotely Xtian or related to their holiday. Thats how we hold.

Do you work on Sundays?

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