Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
DS doesn't want to go to Siyum hashas



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:25 pm
WE bought tickets through 13yo ds's school for him to attend the siyum hashas with his school. Its about a 5 hour bus trip. DS is a home body, really doesn't like long trips. When we bought the tickets in the summer we thought this would be a great bonding experience with his classmates as well as an incredible opportunity. DS came to me now say he really doesn't want to go. The idea of traveling to a jam packed stadium, in the cold, where there will be lots of noise and you really can't see or hear much and he is more of a tanach kid ....is making him really sad. I don't want the experience to sour him, and I think years from now he will look back say- hey I went! But right now he looks so sad... Do you think we let him off the hook?
Back to top

amother
Amber


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:26 pm
If he doesn't wanna go, he doesn't have to. I don't get the big deal.
Back to top

chatz




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:28 pm
I wouldn't force him to go. 10 hours (or even 5 if you were combining it) on a bus is a really looooong bus ride.

Last edited by chatz on Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

amother
Red


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:28 pm
Not necessarily
My sons yeshiva was not encouraging my boys (11 & 13) to go.
They said it will be cold. Long speeches - many in Yiddish. May get boring. In the end my boys are going because my DH learns daf Yoni and they want to but I’m preparing them for a boring time so they can’t get more disappointed.
I’m not so sure it’s for every kid.

I think he’d be more soured to go and hate. Better he look back at what he missed.
Back to top

shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:30 pm
Should you gently encourage it? Maybe.
Should you force it? No.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 9:36 pm
Thanks!
I will have to ask my son if it was a trip to an amusement park if he would feel the same way as far as the long ride- would he say no to that- not that this is the same thing at all, just curious.
He said most of his classmates are going- but he doesn't have FOMO : )
Back to top

yiddishmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 10:41 pm
Even if it was right outside your home, why would you force? He is a big boy and has the right to decide on his own. Perhaps he may make the wrong decision, but that's life.

If you feel for it, you can definitely encourage. But I don't get it why parents think they need to force such a thing.

And iyH he'll have plenty more opportunities.
Back to top

thanks




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 10:50 pm
My husband went last time, and stayed for about 1/2 hour. I wonder how long he'll stay this time. He'd rather be home in time for night seder.
You can offer your son to watch it online if he doesn't want to go. No biggie
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 11:08 pm
I think when we signed him eaay back in August, our thought was more of him missing out on the schfus of a school trip...
Back to top

amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Dec 04 2019, 11:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks!
I will have to ask my son if it was a trip to an amusement park if he would feel the same way as far as the long ride- would he say no to that- not that this is the same thing at all, just curious.
He said most of his classmates are going- but he doesn't have FOMO : )


I would not do the above about asking about the amusement park. He may be very resentful; I would be.

Be glad he doesn't have FOMO.

It is not like he said he doesn't want to daven anymore! This is VERY unimportant.
LET IT GO.
Back to top

amother
Mint


 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 2:36 am
We were engaged by the last siyum Hashas. I went and was very inspired. Someone had offered my chassan a ticket and he declined. I was very surprised at the time and told him what an event he missed etc etc. Now that I know him, I know he would never be able to sit through such a thing. He would last maybe an hour.
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of not going. If you want him to see what it’s all about, have him watch online in the comfort of your home. Of course it’s not the same but he’ll get an idea.... and iyh he’ll be 7 years older by the next one and may decide he’d like to participate...
Back to top

PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 6:42 am
Do NOT try the amusement park angle.
Are you having a local live hookup? Communities all over the world are, and are looking for bigger venues than 7.5 years ago. Of course it won't be the same, and your son may (Or may not) kick himself afterwards, but let him go to the local event. It'll still be pretty cool to share it with 500-1000 or whatever people.
Back to top

DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 7:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks!
I will have to ask my son if it was a trip to an amusement park if he would feel the same way as far as the long ride- would he say no to that- not that this is the same thing at all, just curious.
He said most of his classmates are going- but he doesn't have FOMO : )


To me, this question sounds like guilting (By equating the siyum hashas with an amusment park you are implying that he should be ashamed of his priorities if he would brave the long bus ride for an amusment park but not for the siyum). Perhaps I'm readin to much into this. But I think shame and guilt should never be employed as a parenting strategy.

My 11 and 8 year old boys are going with my husband. My dad is making a siyum, and they are really excited about it. We do not anticipate them lasting for more than 30 minutes. I remember going to one years ago. The meaning behind it was beautiful, but it was noisy, crowded, and in a language I could not understand. I don't expect my boys to tap into the beauty of it at their age. I'm happy for them to go, knowing that my husband will leave as soon as they get restless.

I would trust that your son will value an event like this when he is ready for it. No guilt or shame needed.
Back to top

momX4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 7:32 am
I was offered a ticket. I dont want to go, even though I live way closer. It's a combination of the weather, childcare, and being a long event outdoors. Dh is taking my boys, they yeshiva isnt. I hope I can watch part of it online.
Back to top

amother
Amber


 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 7:38 am
DH boss got tickets for all employees , DH has no interest in going. He can't handle such packed crowds. I couldn't care less that he has no interest in going and I'm happy he'll be home on his day off.
OP, the amusement park question is beyond silly. Of course he won't wanna miss an amusement park, he's a child! The siyum hashas is not mandatory.
Back to top

ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:23 pm
I think that it's totally not a child friendly event. Many adults also don't have the patience to sit through the long speeches and so on. It doesn't take away any Ahavas Hatorah, or cheshkas Hatorah if someone doesn't want to go to this event.
Your son sounds very normal and reasonable.
Please don't project your disappointment onto him. Even if it's something that you may have been dreaming of being a part of and so on. Bhatzlocha
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:07 pm
I remember the last Siyum Hashas - I'm totally glad I went, but I had a much shorter trip, and I am not a child. I sat on the balcony with mist dripping down on me (my wig had to go straight to the stylist after), it was drippy, and that was with it being in the summertime, and not cold.

I plan to go again, and my kids wanna come, but I wouldn't push a child if they don't want to go. I suspect we are going to be making alot of trips to the (indoor) bathrooms....
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
ATime Shasathon - Live Siyum Celebration starting 6:45 pm
by Yael
0 Sun, Mar 03 2024, 3:00 pm View last post
by Yael
What to wear to siyum @ grandson's mesivta
by amother
1 Wed, Jan 31 2024, 5:12 pm View last post
Siyum help
by amother
2 Fri, Jan 19 2024, 9:34 am View last post
Music for a simcha/party/siyum
by amother
1 Thu, Nov 30 2023, 12:11 pm View last post
Eating fleishig during the 9 days for a woman's siyum
by amother
73 Fri, Jul 21 2023, 1:15 pm View last post