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Money DOES help in most situations
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:47 pm
Someone wealthy wrote in one of the frum magazines recently that she feels judged. She wanted to let people know that rich people have their struggles, and no one has a completely stress-free life. Well, I agree, but even though I don't convince myself that money would turn me into a perfectly happy human being, it would definitely smooth out many bumps that are constantly popping up. No, my bratty teenager will not become Miss. Delight, but she will have the shoes, tights and uniform that she has stopped begging for, and I'll be able to treat her more often. My Shalom Bayis won't be perfect overnight, but we would be able to go on relaxing dates more often, be able to afford marital therapy, and we wouldn't both be drowning in work, work, work. I feel that being so tight financially doesn't let you breathe, it's something that you can never ever forget about. It bumps into you almost every minute of every day. I'm not dreaming about fancy cars and luxury vacations, or designer clothing. What I'm asking from You, Hashem is, enough money so that I can focus on other things. Thanks so much! Waiting impatiently, your overwhelmed daughter.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:49 pm
I totally and completely agree with you.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:50 pm
Absolutely! Speaking as someone who is fairly well off. Articles like that are disingenuous and humble brag-y.

“Whoever said money doesn’t buy happiness never had any.”
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chipmunks




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Someone wealthy wrote in one of the frum magazines recently that she feels judged. She wanted to let people know that rich people have their struggles, and no one has a completely stress-free life. Well, I agree, but even though I don't convince myself that money would turn me into a perfectly happy human being, it would definitely smooth out many bumps that are constantly popping up. No, my bratty teenager will not become Miss. Delight, but she will have the shoes, tights and uniform that she has stopped begging for, and I'll be able to treat her more often. My Shalom Bayis won't be perfect overnight, but we would be able to go on relaxing dates more often, be able to afford marital therapy, and we wouldn't both be drowning in work, work, work. I feel that being so tight financially doesn't let you breathe, it's something that you can never ever forget about. It bumps into you almost every minute of every day. I'm not dreaming about fancy cars and luxury vacations, or designer clothing. What I'm asking from You, Hashem is, enough money so that I can focus on other things. Thanks so much! Waiting impatiently, your overwhelmed daughter.


OP, just a note to let you know my hug is an actual hug, not a dislike.
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amother




Jade
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:50 pm
מרבה נכסים, מרבה דאגה

That's what the mishnah says. My gut instinct is to agree with you 100%, OP, but I'm not wealthy, so what do I know?
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ShishKabob




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:51 pm
op, I wasn't yet blessed with the nisoyon of being rich, but it's something that I believe is a nisayon because it says so in chazal.
I really hope that Hashem sends loads of money and good hashpaos your way so that you can have it easier.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:53 pm
While people with money do have challenges and tzaros, money makes the challenges easier to handle! Money can't buy health, but it can get you better doctors and treatments. Money makes any challenge you go through easier to handle.
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amother




Wheat
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:55 pm
As someone who is fairly comfortable financially.

money helps to some extent in most situations if you would have the same issue regardless
but doesn't necessarily solve the problem...


meaning if your child is G-d forbid going to deal with a medical issue it helps to help money for treatment but not everyone's kid is dealing with a medical issue and child still might not get better. Same with mental illness, shalom bayis...

Just like financial issues affect stuff so does mental health etc. issues.

and then there's some issues that you might not have if you aren't wealthy. Right now there's there's a frum shlamazal in the community who took advantage of us financially that we are trying to deal with in beis din but he is tricky and cunning. It has really affected our opinion of the local rabbanim aka. worse then useless, my dh's attitude to rabbanim in general, my dh's feeling toward the community...

or if people treat you differently like the lady in the article seems to be describing...

Everyone has the peckel and we should be compassionate to everyone.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:58 pm
Of course, all other things being equal, life's much easier if you have money.

Duh.
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kgh180




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:58 pm
Money does help when you need a car repair or an appliance breaks down.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 12:59 pm
Money doesn't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a Cadillac than on a bicycle.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:01 pm
As Shlomo Hamelec, wisest of men, said "Res V'Osher al titen li". Neither riches nor poverty. But enough to get by with breathing space is definitely a blessing.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:05 pm
OP I hope hashem sends you the money you need to live your life with menuchas ha nefesh. I also struggle with parnossah. Its super hard.

On a tangent to respond to anyone who things life is always easier when you have more money: This is my personal experience in this world:

I guess I must know the opposite people. I grew up surrounded by and related to lot of wealthy people and honestly, I like my life better even if I struggle to pay my bills. My father struggled to make a parnossah but he was home for dinner and homework each night and that is what I remember as a 35 year old not if we went on vacation or what clothes we had.

As kids, our neighbors and family members who lived the kind of life that allows you to never worry about finances worked 15 hour days and saw their kids on the weekends. I am talking doctors, lawyers, bankers, businessmen etc. My uncle runs a massive company and is very very comfortable but when his kids were small, he traveled two weeks each month. I have an uncle that was a super successful investment banker he maybe was home with his kids one day a week. I have a cousin who is so wealthy his family name is on half of the buildings in my city and it didnt make him not try and kill himself in 8th grade. Hes still bi-polar no matter how much money he has for next 5 generations.

Its really easy to say that money does not solve problems but makes them more managable and its probably true to some degree for the small stuff in life. But it comes to the big stuff, I look at situations that I see in my city where people have experienced horrible tzaras that I hope I never have to experience in my life and the majority of those people are very very well off. Money never make those things better ever ever ever. Im talking death, terminal illness, substance abuse etc. Ill take being broke over this any day.
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Brachie69




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:11 pm
Reality lies somewhere in between the two camps.
Virtually no one in life can escape challenges.
It's easy to see and understand how many physical elements of poverty are solved with money.
However there are emotional and relationship struggles that run the gamut and are present in all economic groups.

For most people, being comfortable but not overly wealthy has the best balance of stress and lifestyle enjoyment.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:11 pm
Money DOES help in most situations

Most but not all.

It is a lot better to cry in a mansion you own than in a tiny rented apartment. It is a lot better to cry with a pocketbook full of cash than without one.

However I went through an experience so painful that I barely noticed my surroundings. It occurred to me then that this is so painful that whether I'm rich or not makes no difference anymore. I see only sorrow, I feel only pain.

Given the choice of a mansion and plenty of money with those problems or a small apartment, no extra money but not having such problems I would take the latter any day.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:15 pm
Agree with you, OP. If we had money dh and I would go for therapy and improve our shalom bayis. My children who struggle academically would have a lot more tutoring. My health wouldn't be so bad because I could afford healthier food, exercise equipment and a trainer, and wouldn't be stressed out all the time.

Having money is a nisayon that tests your ability to truly know that Hashem gave you the money, and that tests your ability to open yourself up to help other people. I have rich family members so I see that it really is a nisayon. But it does make so many other things in life easier.
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:40 pm
This isn't even debatable.

Of course wealthy people have difficulties that have nothing to do with wealth but they don't have the difficulties that are caused by worries about finances.

And even the difficulties that are inevitable whatever one's financial status are eased if one also doesn't have to worry about how one can afford it.

Obviously being rich is relative but when I was dealing with my father in his last years, I didn't have to worry about paying for his 24/7 home care attendant who made his life much more comfortable and of course made my life much better. My father and I still had to deal with the realities of aging and infirmities that come with age but money didn't factor into the stress.

My good friend has a child with emotional issues - severe anxiety so she is never going to be able to "launch". Of course my friend is not happy that her daughter has emotional issues. On the other hand, the daughter is very wealthy so my friend doesn't have to worry about her earning a living AND she can afford the best therapists and treatments. What a mess her life would be if she didn't have these kinds of large financial assets. Rich or poor, she would have had the same issues but poor she couldn't live as nice as life as she does.

In my own way - having had to worry about money and now not - I can say that I still have issues of course but it's really a relief to have those issues and NOT also worry about my car breaking down or being able to afford prepared foods when I can't cook or lie in bed worrying about whether I will be able to pay the mortgage.
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:48 pm
Money can't buy happiness but it sure does help. I always say I would love to have enough money to buy everything that I need and just a few of the things that I want. Right now, we're still at the point of trying to have enough money for everything we need. Iyh one day....
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 1:58 pm
maybe if you had money, your current struggles would be solved but hashem would change your struggles in ways that money would not help. for example you may struggle now with working too hard and shalom bayis but maybe if you made 100k more a year, you would cv have a child who isnt well or a health crisis. every single person has their struggles with diff things, I dont believe one struggle is easier than another.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 05 2019, 2:02 pm
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
maybe if you had money, your current struggles would be solved but hashem would change your struggles in ways that money would not help. for example you may struggle now with working too hard and shalom bayis but maybe if you made 100k more a year, you would cv have a child who isnt well or a health crisis. every single person has their struggles with diff things, I dont believe one struggle is easier than another.
I believe this as well
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