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S/O Going OTD and coming back. Why?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 12:55 pm
I just read all the posts from those who went off the derech and came back.

Can you please share what was the driving force behind your decision to be frum again? Do any of you inspire OTD people to come back? I would think you could be more inspiring than the biggest Rabbis. Power to you!
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amother




Amber
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 1:20 pm
This is too long for an imamother post becuase it wasn't a quick process. It took over a decade.

I came back after becoming disillusioned with the OTD/secular world. First I realized that they were misleading me about certain issues. After that the OTD proselytizers quickly lost their hold on me.

The manipulation tactic of telling me "I'm in denial"/"close minded"/"not smart enough to realize"/"ignoring proven facts"/"science has absolutely proven" etc. stopped working once I no longer looked at those who were proselytizing to me as honest truth seekers.

I started to reresearch the issues and came to the conclusion that the Torah is true. The more research I did on the questions I had on Torah the more I came to realize it's depth.
The more research I did on the OTD proofs the more I came to realize how grey some of them were.

As above this took over a decade of searching. It needs a lot of elaboration and is way beyond the scope of an imamother thread.

(ETA Even when the OTD world had a hold on me I had no answer for if the Torah isn't true how did Judaism start? None of the theories given seemed evidence based and most seemed simply impossible based on my knowledge of ancient world history.)
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icebreaker




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 1:28 pm
I came back for incredibly uninspiring reasons. None would inspire anyone to come back. Probably would keep them away.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 1:45 pm
I came back because an unbelievable thing happened in our lives that could only have been yad hashem. But then the years passed again and I became extremely disillusioned in god and how he works, so whereas I came back, I left again, not as strongly but still not where I used to be. So I guess my answer is not really what you were asking.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 2:29 pm
Do I get the idea that many who come back, do it for day to day practicality or family/finances, and not for spiritual growth?
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 2:44 pm
I wish everyone knew there is a world between smothering and not Orthodox! there is a place for everyone
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 5:59 pm
I know only one person who did this. According to him he came back because he never found a comfortable social niche in secular circles, all his best friends being from his frum youth and still frum. I have no idea if this was his real reason or if, as I suspect, this was his pat answer-that-isn’t-the -real-story-but-will-satisfy-the-nosypokes-and-keep-them-off-his-back. I also don’t know how far OTD he went. Long hair, not davening, going to parties where music is played on Shabbos and eating ice cream with no hechsher, is different from doing drugs, sleeping around, driving on Shabbos and eating cheeseburgers.
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amother




Green
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 7:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Do I get the idea that many who come back, do it for day to day practicality or family/finances, and not for spiritual growth?


Sure. Frum life is super convenient, even when it isn’t. There are many things that come with being frum that you just can’t get in the secular world (and vice versa). There are many things that you lose when you go OTD (relationships, friends, sometimes money, connections, etc). Speaking for myself, there are things I hoped I’d gain back by keeping at least Shabbos and kosher that I haven’t gained back yet. So for me, part of the reason I came back was for selfish reasons, I guess. Nothing to do with spiritual growth.
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Odelyah




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 7:55 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I wish everyone knew there is a world between smothering and not Orthodox! there is a place for everyone


adding this to my list of all time favorite Ruchel quotes Heart
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:00 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
Sure. Frum life is super convenient, even when it isn’t. ....So for me, part of the reason I came back was for selfish reasons, I guess. Nothing to do with spiritual growth.


I thought at first you were being sarcastic , “sure frum life is convenient” when it’s so not! But I hear your point. I wonder if that’s what my formerly OTD friend meant—he didn’t find the support system, the “oh you’re going to an interview in Minneapolis, here’s the number of the rabbi of the Orthodox shul there, he’ll put you up or find someone who will” kind of thing.

I never seriously contemplated not keeping Shabbos but often thought how much easier life would be without it. No busting chops getting home by candle lighting, no missing out on “this Saturday only” sales, no cramming banking and dental visits into the work week, no dying of worry when the phone rings and you can’t answer etc etc. Then I thought about it and realized that without Shabbos there would be NO day of rest. Saturday would be filled with shopping and errands and dental visits and Little League or ballet lessons, dh would work seven and a half days a week (that’s not a typo), we would be enslaved to the phone, landline or mobile, seven days a week, and there would be no time just to be together as a family.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Do I get the idea that many who come back, do it for day to day practicality or family/finances, and not for spiritual growth?


That's why I came back. Sadly I practice but don't believe 100%. Yet for some bizzare reason that I can not explain at all I want my children to be religious. The older they get the more I realize I need to speak to a Rabbi about beliefs and truths.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:23 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
That's why I came back. Sadly I practice but don't believe 100%. Yet for some bizzare reason that I can not explain at all I want my children to be religious. The older they get the more I realize I need to speak to a Rabbi about beliefs and truths.


Fortunately our religion doesn’t require you to believe 100%. You still get credit for your deeds even if your faith is as shaky as a table with two legs missing. And it’s not at all uncommon to be a non-believer or partial-believer yet want your children to be observant. It’s a kind of insurance: you know that observant people have the best odds of having Jewish grandchildren, and even people who married nonJews often want their grandchildren to be Jews. The root of that desire may be ethnic loyalty; loyalty to grandparents and great-grandparents (my great grandfather was a chazzan, how can I give him great-great grandchildren who aren’t Jewish?); a belief that in the long run the Jewish way of life is best (for others, but not for me because...); or simply familiarity: if you grew up Jewish, even if not devoutly observant, you have certain traditions, views, values, even expressions, foods, melodies and jokes that you want your grandchildren to appreciate and relate to, and they won’t if they’re not Jews.

But do have that talk with the rabbi, sooner rather than later. You don’t want to give your children mixed messages.
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amother




White
 

Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 8:46 pm
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
I know only one person who did this. According to him he came back because he never found a comfortable social niche in secular circles, all his best friends being from his frum youth and still frum. I have no idea if this was his real reason or if, as I suspect, this was his pat answer-that-isn’t-the -real-story-but-will-satisfy-the-nosypokes-and-keep-them-off-his-back. I also don’t know how far OTD he went. Long hair, not davening, going to parties where music is played on Shabbos and eating ice cream with no hechsher, is different from doing drugs, sleeping around, driving on Shabbos and eating cheeseburgers.


Had to comment here - "doing drugs" is not a normative part of secular culture.

"Doing drugs" is considered problematic in the secular world.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Dec 09 2019, 8:54 am
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
That's why I came back. Sadly I practice but don't believe 100%. Yet for some bizzare reason that I can not explain at all I want my children to be religious. The older they get the more I realize I need to speak to a Rabbi about beliefs and truths.


Because it's a huuuuge comfort and even some people who don't believe at all (not talking you!!) wish they did or their family did.
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