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How do I make shabbos special for her?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 1:01 pm
My 10 year old is struggling a lot. Life in general, not being able to do certain things on shabbos, tznius....she goes to BY, so you would think it’s part of the curriculum. Maybe it is, but she needs more.
I signed her up for chillzone this year, and it’s been great.
This past week, they sent home flyers about the shabbazone- shabbatone at the zone. I thought it would be so good for her, she’d see things from a different perspective, she would have a great shabbos, some of her friends are going....
They denied her application.
So now what? She is going to be super sad not to be going. So how do I make this shabbos (and really every shabbos) special for her?
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frumama




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 1:29 pm
Can you carve out some time every shabbos just for the 2 of you. make it a fun special time that you spend doing something you both enjoy (taking a walk together, playing games, schmoozing over a bag of nosh). make it part of your routine on shabbos. It will help build a positive relationship with you daughter and she will associate that warm loving feeling she gets with shabbos. Hatzlocha!
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 1:32 pm
Does she have local friends?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 1:35 pm
frumama wrote:
Can you carve out some time every shabbos just for the 2 of you. make it a fun special time that you spend doing something you both enjoy (taking a walk together, playing games, schmoozing over a bag of nosh). make it part of your routine on shabbos. It will help build a positive relationship with you daughter and she will associate that warm loving feeling she gets with shabbos. Hatzlocha!

I can definitely try!!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 1:37 pm
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
Does she have local friends?

BH she does, and they are really a great group of girls. Diverse personalities, diverse religious levels (all are frum, and from frum families, but each one is different) different schools....they all spend time together on shabbos, especially the long summer ones.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 3:41 pm
What in the world does your post mean? They sent her an ad to come to some sort of special Shabbas thing and then they wouldn't let her come?

The world has gone stark raving mad.

Please please tell me I have misunderstood this.
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lucky14




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 4:07 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
What in the world does your post mean? They sent her an ad to come to some sort of special Shabbas thing and then they wouldn't let her come?

The world has gone stark raving mad.

Please please tell me I have misunderstood this.

I'm also so confused. Why would an application be denied? I know that isn't the point of this post but that's so sad. I feel sad for her/the OP.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 4:18 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
What in the world does your post mean? They sent her an ad to come to some sort of special Shabbas thing and then they wouldn't let her come?

The world has gone stark raving mad.

Please please tell me I have misunderstood this.

No, you haven’t misunderstood. The assume that everyone who goes is mostly unaffiliated. But then when you apply, you need to fill out your school and shul info. Because oorah is a kiruv organization, they (obviously, and rightfully) take first the kids who have less Jewish association.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 4:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
BH she does, and they are really a great group of girls. Diverse personalities, diverse religious levels (all are frum, and from frum families, but each one is different) different schools....they all spend time together on shabbos, especially the long summer ones.


Do they need a fun winter activity they can do?

What sort of things does Oorah do at the Shabbaton? What can be replicated?

(my recollection of non-Oorah Shabbatons was a lot singing at meals, and chiling out with friends and snacks).
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 4:32 pm
They should take the kids who apply first.

Then it is not a personal rejection.

Yes the world has gone completely mad that it rejects a 10yo.

It is not an exaggeration to say it's NO WONDER so many kids are OTD, even suiciding CHV.

Please look after your daughter.

Tell her she is beyond wonderful and the world needs her.
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 5:36 pm
Honestly, I would call Oorah and ask they if they could please fit one more girl. Tell them the truth. That she is a BY girl, and you know they are a Kiruv organization, but she could use some chizuk, which is why you applied. You know that they have such amazing Shabboses and if your DD could please attend, you think it would have an enormous impact on her. (You can additionally or alternatively say how being rejected from the shabbaton is souring her anticipation of Shabbos).
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:04 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
They should take the kids who apply first.

Then it is not a personal rejection.

Yes the world has gone completely mad that it rejects a 10yo.

It is not an exaggeration to say it's NO WONDER so many kids are OTD, even suiciding CHV.

Please look after your daughter.

Tell her she is beyond wonderful and the world needs her.


They should prioritize based on their mandate. It wasn't a personal rejection.

The shame is there are no shabbatons being put on for the BY girls by other groups.
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Undefined




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:10 pm
I agree 100% with amother bronze. You should definitely call Oora and tell them about her specific situation. They probably just assume that she's a typical BY girl. Also, in general family games etc on Shabbos are so important to ensure kids enjoy Shabbos, Hatzlacha!
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:10 pm
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
They should prioritize based on their mandate. It wasn't a personal rejection.

The shame is there are no shabbatons being put on for the BY girls by other groups.


Another shabbaton would of course be great. But if it doesn't exist... Then to reject someone on anything other than not enough room, first come first served, is IMHO, just cruel.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:15 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
Honestly, I would call Oorah and ask they if they could please fit one more girl. Tell them the truth. That she is a BY girl, and you know they are a Kiruv organization, but she could use some chizuk, which is why you applied. You know that they have such amazing Shabboses and if your DD could please attend, you think it would have an enormous impact on her. (You can additionally or alternatively say how being rejected from the shabbaton is souring her anticipation of Shabbos).

I did that already :-) I spoke to the person above the person who sent the rejection, and she said she will look into it. I also had a friend, who knows me and my daughter very well, contact her on our behalf and explain the situation. I hope they change their minds....
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:17 pm
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
They should prioritize based on their mandate. It wasn't a personal rejection.

The shame is there are no shabbatons being put on for the BY girls by other groups.

But kiruv is not just for the unaffiliated. I know it wasn’t a personal rejection. I’m just sad that when they saw that she goes to BY, they didn’t reach out to see why I applied in the first place, rather than just reject her because she goes to BY. How did the person who responded back to me know that it’s not for her? Because she assumed, since she goes to BY....
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:21 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Another shabbaton would of course be great. But if it doesn't exist... Then to reject someone on anything other than not enough room, first come first served, is IMHO, just cruel.


I don't see how its cruel.
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amother




Azure
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
BH she does, and they are really a great group of girls. Diverse personalities, diverse religious levels (all are frum, and from frum families, but each one is different) different schools....they all spend time together on shabbos, especially the long summer ones.


Can you have a shabbaton for some of these girls at your home?

They can come Friday afternoon a couple of hours before Shabbat.

Have some challahs ready to go into the oven, except they get to top them. Salt, struessel, seeds, chocolate chips, whatever they want.

Encourage singing and games and maybe even a Shabbat scavenger hunt around your home.

Let them stay up as late as they want.

Add some "fun" foods to the usual Shabbat fare.

Other weeks, think about what special thing she would enjoy. Board games? Reading a book with you? Taking a Shabbat walk together?
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:41 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I did that already :-) I spoke to the person above the person who sent the rejection, and she said she will look into it. I also had a friend, who knows me and my daughter very well, contact her on our behalf and explain the situation. I hope they change their minds....

I wish you the best of luck. I hope the woman you spoke with is both intelligent and compassionate.

I am dealing with a similar issue, and it isn't easy.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Dec 10 2019, 7:11 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
I wish you the best of luck. I hope the woman you spoke with is both intelligent and compassionate.

I am dealing with a similar issue, and it isn't easy.

Thank you!!!! Hatzlacha raba to you as well!!!
If you would like to talk, you can email me
israelalways@yahoo.com
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