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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Dec 10 2019, 7:46 pm
My daughter is struggling with her teacher. While I can't say any of the incidents are unacceptable, many are borderline.
Had anyone had a teacher cross that line? How did your deal? Was the administration helpful?
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amother
Navy
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:01 pm
Could you elaborate? Not sure in what area exactly you’re referring to. My high school teacher once gave me a completely inappropriate compliment.
I don’t think youre talking about something like that .
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:43 pm
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I don't want to post specifics because I'm afraid she'll recognize herself lol, but I'm just wondering about others'experiences
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amother
Cobalt
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:44 pm
I was wearing a tight sweater in high school the rabbi said not to wear it again
in grade school I had a desk that was messy the rabbi threw my desk down and everything
flew acrosss the room I was very embaraased
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thunderstorm
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:47 pm
I had a teacher punish me for talking when it was me saying “shh” to the girl that was talking. I was sent out of class (in the ninth grade) and had to sit detention the next day because they counted it as “cutting class”.
On the first day of school in the fifth grade my teacher picked on me and yelled at me to close my science book because I turned my head to see the back of the classroom. She was a first year teacher and started off with me on the wrong foot.
Those are the two memories of where I felt teachers wronged me.
Last edited by thunderstorm on Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Librarian
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 8:53 pm
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When I was in the 8th grade in BY the frum male vice principal pulled the alligator on my sweater (now I am dating myself) which was located on the chest and made some kind of comment about it. This was 35 years ago, waaaay before #me2 or any discussions at all about inappropriate behavior but even all these years later I distinctly remember feeling that something was not right here. I thought maybe he was violating negiyah but I knew there was something even more off than that but could not really understand what exactly.
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Dolly1
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:10 pm
When I was in 8th grade, one of my classmates made some snide remarks while the teacher was facing the board. Teacher wasn’t sure who it was and at that moment I bent down to pick up my pencil which had fallen off my desk... Before I could even blink I was kicked out of class for something I never did.
Life isn’t fair, we all know that. But teachers have a unique responsibility and must be extra sensitive!
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Librarian
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:12 pm
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My son's third grade rebbe slapped his face so hard he still had bright red marks on his face when he came home hours later. He is no longer a rebbe.
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thunderstorm
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:13 pm
| Librarian wrote: | | My son's third grade rebbe slapped his face so hard he still had bright red marks on his face when he came home hours later. He is no longer a rebbe. |
I’m glad to hear he’s no longer a rebbe
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Librarian
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:17 pm
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Yes but he was still there for a few more years. He did apologize.
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amother
Wine
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:37 pm
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Yes, I cant remember if it was 2nd or 3rd grade, but my teacher taped my mouth shut for talking too much. I kid you not. I believe it was masking tape.I sat like that for awhile...
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thunderstorm
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:39 pm
| amother [ Wine ] wrote: | | Yes, I cant remember if it was 2nd or 3rd grade, but my teacher taped my mouth shut for talking too much. I kid you not. I believe it was masking tape.I sat like that for awhile... |
I remember this happening to classmates of mine. They stood in the corner with tape on their mouths while the entire class looked on.
I recall now that I got soap in my mouth in kindergarten for saying the word “crazy”.
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amother
Blonde
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 9:41 pm
When I was in 4th grade there was a group of abt 4-5 girls who were extremely snobby and exclusive. Our young English teacher actually found them a "secret spot" where they would spend their recess away from the rest of us nebachels.
The teacher would make all of us look away while she went to the secret spot at the end of recess to get them back to class. I remember peeking and seeing that their secret spot was in a small alley between our school building and the house next door. The feeling of being left out not only by these classmates but that the teacher was actively involved in excluding me was so painful.
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amother
Lime
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 10:42 pm
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This may seem minor but it always bothered me. In 4th grade we had specific sticker charts for davening. One day the teacher introduced the tefila aleinu, and many girls knew it already from family/siblings. So most girls were already singing it that day, but I personally didn’t know it yet. Not only did I not get a sticker, but my teacher actually removed one from my chart for not davening! I felt like it was so unfair...
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amother
Salmon
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Tue, Dec 10 2019, 11:39 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | My daughter is struggling with her teacher. While I can't say any of the incidents are unacceptable, many are borderline.
Had anyone had a teacher cross that line? How did your deal? Was the administration helpful? |
I don't think you need stories. You need a plan of action. I strongly believe in advocating for your child. I've done it when necessary for scholastic reasons, when my dd struggled in certain subjects and I wanted her to be responsible for less things.
I never made an enemy out of a teacher. I simply spoke up, stating very clearly what my daughter needs and how we can work together to make school a happy place for her. Sometimes I needed to be more assertive, but I was never nasty or rude.
This year, my son was having anxiety about being able to go to the bathroom, because when he'd ask, the rebbe asked him whether he could wait until recess. Because he's shy, he'd just nod. Dh called him up, thanked him for asking this question instead of saying no outright, then explained why this won't work for our shy child. Problem was solved in 60 seconds and he made sure to compliment him on what he does well in the classroom. He actually is a great rebbe otherwise.
Never hesitate to advocate for your child. Just be smart about it so that she/he doesn't spend the rest of the year with someone who hates you, if it can be helped. And dont' beat around the bush and start with stories about this or that. Just state what you want nicely.
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amother
Goldenrod
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Wed, Dec 11 2019, 6:53 am
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The teacher called my daughter a failure in front of the class.
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DrMom
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Wed, Dec 11 2019, 7:05 am
In high school, my AP Biology teacher routinely made crude remarks about students' appearances, clothes, etc. It was all in jest, and you just had to roll with it, but it was awkward sometimes.
I recall once instance in which we were learning about how female primate pelvises evolved to be broader as infant cranial capacity increased. He quipped to me, "Looks like DrMom's gonna give birth to a GENIUS one day." I shot back "I guess your mom was Twiggy." It was that kind of atmosphere.
[For the record, I'm not particularly large; if I had been, I might have been humiliated. He just felt particularly free to joke with me because I was a good student. I do remember thinking at the time, "Yikes, that really crossed some red lines."]
I'm sure he'd be raked over the coals if he tried that in 2019.
This was a public school, BTW.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, Dec 11 2019, 7:17 am
In the third grade my teacher did a supplies check every week. She said an item and every girl had to raise hers to show that she had it. Well one time I couldn’t find a particular item in my supplies bag. The teacher made the whole class watch how I dumped all the contents of my school bag on her desk. Then she remarked “ I see you remembered to bring ur snack today cuz that’s very imp to you and you will never forget that but the supplies is not important “
I was a bit of a chubby kid and very self conscious abt it and I was so humiliated by that comment.
It’s more then 25 yrs later and I never forgot this.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Dec 11 2019, 7:51 am
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Some of the things here need higher up reporting, others are simply discipline in the previous culture (before new age). If you feel something has to be reported, do so. Ideally tackle it before so the teacher has a chance. Unless c'v it is physical or mental abuse.
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