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What does it cost to support your young married couple?
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 1:28 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
My point was that I have lived in Israel for over 15 years. I dont know a soul that spends that much money in a week. To me that is not just living an american life style, thats living on daddy's dime, full stop.

Im sorry but I am very disturbed. And I never said anyone ad to be frugal, but there is a difference in living frugally and a young couple spending 2000 shekels a week.
I always thought of the kollel life as one where there is meant to be sacrificing, not living lavishly. To me its anti each other. But what do I know. I dont live that life.


For most people, the kollel life is exactly as the ideal of sacrificing to learn Torah, l'shem Shamayim. But unfortunately, there is a minority of kollel society (that seems to be increasing however), which lives large on daddy's dime, as you put it. The problem with that is, the other bocherim see their friends getting a better apartment and the girls see their friends getting designer strollers, so naturally they want them too, and the standards increase overall.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 2:20 am
5k a month in rent makes sense, give or take 600 NIS. Saying to live in a cheaper neighborhood is not a realistic suggestion... They need an English speaking neighborhood in their age range. A couple of kids that don't speak a word of Hebrew and don't get the system and mentality aren't moving to Kiryat Malachi any faster than you're moving to Malaysia.


I think 400-500/week in food makes sense, especially if they're having over guests from yeshiva often, which is common.

Utilities, cell phones, ect should be about 500/month.

Health insurance should be 250-300/month.

Misc spending money for taxis when needed to schlep stuff, bus, or the occasional coffee (I don't think it's criminal to have one) is probably 500/month area. They should have personal money to cover that... Most kids aren't 100% penniless, and it's healthy for them to be spending some of their own money to keep a concept of what things cost. However, if you want to know cost of living that should be included.


Total of about 8k ($2200) monthly in expenses. Obviously, yomim tovim entail additional expenses, as does having kids and other events. $2k a month sounds like it should certainly be enough for them to close the gap.



I personally believe the girls should have some sort of jobs. Having no structure to your day and just lazing around and relaxing with friends is terrible for a person, in my opinion. Even aside from the financial aspect, every person should have a sense of accountability for each day.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 2:27 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Gosh, is rent that high in those areas mentioned earlier? Thats crazy for a young newlywed couple.


thats the cheaper end of it, for an older apartment. A renovated 2 bedroom is at least 6,000. renovated 3 bedroom is 6500-7500. There are very few one bedroom apartments in these neighborhoods.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 2:28 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Then where are young couples paying 5000 shekels? I guess I should ask the poster who wrote that amount.


ramat eshkol, maalot dafna, arzei
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 2:29 am
Btw, I have a DS in shidduchim that wanted to live in Israel but didn't want to be dependent on support, so he started an online business on the side buying and selling stuff while in yeshiva, and set aside some money so he can make it when the time comes. Now he's having a hard time getting married, because none of the good girls are interested in a boy that's not 100% solely focused on yeshiva with no distractions. It's not like encouraging boys to be responsible and arrange a manner to support themselves (trust me, I wasn't pushing him to have any side hustles; he's completely independent in that and I can't control him) is necessarily helpful in marrying a good non materialistic girl that is motivated to live a kollel lifestyle without any of the unnecessary garbage that is standard today. Those girls only want boys that never looked outside a sefer.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 3:15 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know many of my friends that their daughters can’t get a date because they don’t want to follow this trend


So they'll end up marrying a nice guy who isnt after money. Isn't that great and worth waiting for?
I'd never attach a lot of money to my kids shidduchim because it attracts the wrong crowd.
We don't need the "best guy" only after the money and the great yichus "we're better than everyone else" in our family.
We want people with good middos and yiras shamayim.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 3:24 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
My point was that I have lived in Israel for over 15 years. I dont know a soul that spends that much money in a week. To me that is not just living an american life style, thats living on daddy's dime, full stop.

Im sorry but I am very disturbed. And I never said anyone ad to be frugal, but there is a difference in living frugally and a young couple spending 2000 shekels a week.
I always thought of the kollel life as one where there is meant to be sacrificing, not living lavishly. To me its anti each other. But what do I know. I dont live that life.


This wasn’t the reason OP opened this thread. However, I do think the answers Do address her question as it depends what circles she is from.
Yes, my husband wanted to sit and learn. And he bh had no reason not to. Please bear in mind that my wedding cost over $150,000 as well. Just the one night. That’s also lavish. We were coming from typical Brooklyn standards and setup. That’s not anti Torah. The individual providing the support had more than enough to do it with. A person has the right to choose how to spend his money. I don’t understand why you are calling it disturbing!
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 3:26 am
Learning wrote:
I think it’s pretty smart. In the secular world young people waste their youth trying to save money to get married or start a life and than when the parents die they get inheritance. But than they already wasted precious years. In the frum world the system makes sense. Help the couple get married young and spend the money on them to get them started on a good life. The problem that the system got corrupted and the boys got greedy. They want more and more money and look for the rich fathers with no regard to anything else.


In the secular world people are expected to pay their own stuff after college and some even during college and that's perfectly NORMAL.
A grown up shouldn't need their parents to pay for things.
And inheriting money at the age of 50 and actually being thankful for that money after having worked your whole life is a lot better than being a spoiled 19 year old swiping daddy's credit card in jerusalem and not caring about the stress it puts on the parents because at 19 they're mostly selfish and want to show off or have the same as their friends and don't appreciate anything. Of course there's some who are different but that's the typical kollel crowd in Israel.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 5:37 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
I was spending on food
Household supplies
Babysitting (when I had one kid)
Cleaning help
Transportation
My husband spent on Seforim
Iced coffee/fruit shakes
Eventually pampers
Babysitting
And I’m sure other items that I’m not remembering at the moment

There were weeks that I didn’t need the full amount. But that was what I used as my limit.
I never went to eretz yisroel with the intention of sacrificing. I went because that was where my husband wanted to learn and that was where my friends went. I went with full intention to live on “American standards”.
But let’s be realistic. This place skews to the poor. And to those who claim not to spend. So I am being honest and realistic in my response.
Typical Brooklyn girl, not from a poor family, going to live in Israel. I needed a lot closer to $4000 each month. The op asked how much to expect. I was sharing my experience.

ew
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 5:43 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
This wasn’t the reason OP opened this thread. However, I do think the answers Do address her question as it depends what circles she is from.
Yes, my husband wanted to sit and learn. And he bh had no reason not to. Please bear in mind that my wedding cost over $150,000 as well. Just the one night. That’s also lavish. We were coming from typical Brooklyn standards and setup. That’s not anti Torah. The individual providing the support had more than enough to do it with. A person has the right to choose how to spend his money. I don’t understand why you are calling it disturbing!


Totally anti Torah. Imagine what you could with the money, not even c'v charity LOL but for your children, so they don't have to marry money but marry human. Tip: hide from future shidduchim that you ar eextremely rich. So they choose your child for who they are not who supports them. So they're thankful for any penny, not resentful for any penny not given. Hide it from your kids too, enough that they don't worry but don't expect support for "fruit shake". Or don't and be like my friend who never knew why the guy liked her for.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:04 am
We rented an apartment for 4000 nis in Har Nof.. After a month we realized that the apartment had mold which the baal dirah had covered up, water leaking in various places, and the apartment was illegal . We were naive to think we just got lucky and found a good deal for a tiny machsan apartment.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:47 am
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
5k a month in rent makes sense, give or take 600 NIS. Saying to live in a cheaper neighborhood is not a realistic suggestion... They need an English speaking neighborhood in their age range. A couple of kids that don't speak a word of Hebrew and don't get the system and mentality aren't moving to Kiryat Malachi any faster than you're moving to Malaysia.


I think 400-500/week in food makes sense, especially if they're having over guests from yeshiva often, which is common.

There are cheaper neighborhoods in Jerusalem, and no one is asking them to move to Kiryat Malachi.

If you are living on your parents' dime you might have not have less guests and less often.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:48 am
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Btw, I have a DS in shidduchim that wanted to live in Israel but didn't want to be dependent on support, so he started an online business on the side buying and selling stuff while in yeshiva, and set aside some money so he can make it when the time comes. Now he's having a hard time getting married, because none of the good girls are interested in a boy that's not 100% solely focused on yeshiva with no distractions. It's not like encouraging boys to be responsible and arrange a manner to support themselves (trust me, I wasn't pushing him to have any side hustles; he's completely independent in that and I can't control him) is necessarily helpful in marrying a good non materialistic girl that is motivated to live a kollel lifestyle without any of the unnecessary garbage that is standard today. Those girls only want boys that never looked outside a sefer.

How old is he?
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:50 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
This wasn’t the reason OP opened this thread. However, I do think the answers Do address her question as it depends what circles she is from.
Yes, my husband wanted to sit and learn. And he bh had no reason not to. Please bear in mind that my wedding cost over $150,000 as well. Just the one night. That’s also lavish. We were coming from typical Brooklyn standards and setup. That’s not anti Torah. The individual providing the support had more than enough to do it with. A person has the right to choose how to spend his money. I don’t understand why you are calling it disturbing!

Disturbing because if you have the money to make a fancy wedding and that's what you want to do with your money, zei gezunt.
To live off someone else and knowingly and purposely spend their money without a thought, just because you know they have it, while at the same time pretending to be so holy and live a kollel lifestyle - extremely disturbing.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:50 am
This is a crazy trend in the heimish and balbatish Brooklyn area where I’m in. Girls who come from wealthy homes and promise more support get redt the best boys!
If They end up living in Brooklyn or Lakewood It’s minimum $3000 a month plus car. In the beginning years Lakewood is cheaper but later the costs of schools, food, taxes, the fact that you must have 2 cars, etc make up the difference. If your don’t say your willing to support fully or people know that your not wealthy you get redt nice good boys as well but not what they call the mitzuyonim. It’s nuts!!!
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:52 am
notshanarishona wrote:
We rented an apartment for 4000 nis in Har Nof.. After a month we realized that the apartment had mold which the baal dirah had covered up, water leaking in various places, and the apartment was illegal . We were naive to think we just got lucky and found a good deal for a tiny machsan apartment.

To be fair, that can happen in an expensive apartment as well.
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icebreaker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:53 am
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
This is a crazy trend in the heimish and balbatish Brooklyn area where I’m in. Girls who come from wealthy homes and promise more support get redt the best boys!
If They end up living in Brooklyn or Lakewood It’s minimum $3000 a month plus car. In the beginning years Lakewood is cheaper but later the costs of schools, food, taxes, the fact that you must have 2 cars, etc make up the difference. If your don’t say your willing to support fully or people know that your not wealthy you get redt nice good boys as well but not what they call the mitzuyonim. It’s nuts!!!


3 grand per month??!!!!! Wow!!! Surprised
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:54 am
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
This is a crazy trend in the heimish and balbatish Brooklyn area where I’m in. Girls who come from wealthy homes and promise more support get redt the best boys!
If They end up living in Brooklyn or Lakewood It’s minimum $3000 a month plus car. In the beginning years Lakewood is cheaper but later the costs of schools, food, taxes, the fact that you must have 2 cars, etc make up the difference. If your don’t say your willing to support fully or people know that your not wealthy you get redt nice good boys as well but not what they call the mitzuyonim. It’s nuts!!!

This reminds me of the shtetl stories, where a wealthy father got the good boys and poor girls, who couldn't come up with a respectable dowry, sometimes wouldn't be able to get married at all.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 8:03 am
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
thats the cheaper end of it, for an older apartment. A renovated 2 bedroom is at least 6,000. renovated 3 bedroom is 6500-7500. There are very few one bedroom apartments in these neighborhoods.

Which neighborhood are you talking about?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 8:08 am
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
thats the cheaper end of it, for an older apartment. A renovated 2 bedroom is at least 6,000. renovated 3 bedroom is 6500-7500. There are very few one bedroom apartments in these neighborhoods.

Are you talking about the new Tama apartments or just renovated apartments in general?
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