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What does it cost to support your young married couple?
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 3:01 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
renovated apartments in general. 5000 shekel is for a non renovated 2 bedroom
Wow, jerusalem is insanely expensive.
My mortgage, outside Jerusalem, for a larger place is less than 5k a month. Crazy. Your paying for caviar when you are only getting tuna patty.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 10:10 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
This wasn’t the reason OP opened this thread. However, I do think the answers Do address her question as it depends what circles she is from.
Yes, my husband wanted to sit and learn. And he bh had no reason not to. Please bear in mind that my wedding cost over $150,000 as well. Just the one night. That’s also lavish. We were coming from typical Brooklyn standards and setup. That’s not anti Torah. The individual providing the support had more than enough to do it with. A person has the right to choose how to spend his money. I don’t understand why you are calling it disturbing!


To some extent yes. But when people have a lot more money that they need, they need to use it in a proper manner. We have always lived below our means because it is not proper, in our opinion to spend money just because you have it. And if your parents had 10 times the money they had, should they have spent 1.5 million on your wedding? Spending 150,000 on a wedding is a disgrace.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 11:14 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
To some extent yes. But when people have a lot more money that they need, they need to use it in a proper manner. We have always lived below our means because it is not proper, in our opinion to spend money just because you have it. And if your parents had 10 times the money they had, should they have spent 1.5 million on your wedding? Spending 150,000 on a wedding is a disgrace.


The point was not the wedding. Spending $500 a week is far from extravagant. Yes it is generous. But it isn’t a disgrace. It isn’t disgusting. If they were happy and able to afford it, I don’t see what the issue is. And again, op asked what people spend there. The fact is that most Americans going for a bit and supported by parents are spending similar to what I wrote even if a bit less. So I answered honestly. Why try to convince her that most manage on a quarter of that? It’s entirely possible, but her kid will be living very different than many of her pairs.
And yes, I had real israeli neighbors who bought chicken for Shabbos only. I’m aware that you can live like that. But the terms disgusting and disgrace are very strong in my opinion
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Fri, Dec 13 2019, 3:58 am
Sorry I have not read all of the posts but we are a young couple and I just want to share my take. I've been married 3 years bh no kids yet and for the first year we received support from our parents approx $1500 a month and after a while my husband got some money from his kollel and I did a few jobs on the side so we had about $1,700-800 to live on. We lived in a very small apartment which suited our needs for a while until it got too claustrophobic and we paid rent of 3,300 shekel a month plus bills which was a good deal but worth the size of the apartment.

You can still pay for a small one bedroom between 3,300-3,800 the higher you go the bigger and nicer it will be although you have to check for basics before you sign like do they have windows? They can give you a mansion which is a basement without windows and you dont' think to check for this normal thing and then you can be stuck. But the 3,300 ones from 3 years ago probably don't exist anymore and are tiny and not nice. It is possible but it depends how normally you want to live.

At the end of the first year, we stopped being supported although our parents will give us $100 for chanuka or pay for our flights sometimes. Other than that, we are on our own and we love it. We pay approx 3,600 shekel for our apartment, it is spacious enough for us and not crazy fancy but we have space to move around, light, air etc. I work for an online company, my husband does 3 sedarim a day and gets paid. And we have plenty to live on bh. I say plenty b/c we are happy, we can do our food shopping and buy what we want and need, we can buy a new dress or jewellery for yom tov or treats on occasion. This does not include extravagant vacations and hotels every week but we are in kollel right? So things are great bh. Vacation time, we rented a car and got a good deal on airbnb as opposed to going to the expensive areas where everyone else goes. that vacation did suck us a bit dry but it was ok and it was our money and our choice.

If ppl think they need to start off with a fancy 2 bedroom apartment in one of the new projects and eat out every night (we go out for pizza when we want and to a nice restaurant on occasion but do not spend $100 on steak), then yes they will need much much more.

I should add that I live in Yerushalayim:) in a prime location. To live normally you would probably need around $2000 a month with enough to breathe. Obviously depends on your rent amount and your style of life.

The first few months, the husband might not get paid in kollel yet and she might not have a job plus to set up their apartment so they could need more, after that it should be great. The figures are a bit vague as I'm translating from the shekel but it's around that.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Dec 13 2019, 9:05 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
The point was not the wedding. Spending $500 a week is far from extravagant. Yes it is generous. But it isn’t a disgrace. It isn’t disgusting. If they were happy and able to afford it, I don’t see what the issue is. And again, op asked what people spend there. The fact is that most Americans going for a bit and supported by parents are spending similar to what I wrote even if a bit less. So I answered honestly. Why try to convince her that most manage on a quarter of that? It’s entirely possible, but her kid will be living very different than many of her pairs.
And yes, I had real israeli neighbors who bought chicken for Shabbos only. I’m aware that you can live like that. But the terms disgusting and disgrace are very strong in my opinion
Again, there is a major difference between buying chicken just for shabbat and spending 2000 shekels.
There is, to my mind, a great disconnect with reality here.
Again, people are dupporting their kids because "its whats done". It does not mean they, the parents, can afford it. They just dont want their kids to not be like everyone else.
Shabbat shalom to everyone.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Dec 13 2019, 9:13 am
It's not about meat, it's about luxury
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Fri, Dec 13 2019, 10:49 am
amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:
Sorry I have not read all of the posts but we are a young couple and I just want to share my take. I've been married 3 years bh no kids yet and for the first year we received support from our parents approx $1500 a month and after a while my husband got some money from his kollel and I did a few jobs on the side so we had about $1,700-800 to live on. We lived in a very small apartment which suited our needs for a while until it got too claustrophobic and we paid rent of 3,300 shekel a month plus bills which was a good deal but worth the size of the apartment.

You can still pay for a small one bedroom between 3,300-3,800 the higher you go the bigger and nicer it will be although you have to check for basics before you sign like do they have windows? They can give you a mansion which is a basement without windows and you dont' think to check for this normal thing and then you can be stuck. But the 3,300 ones from 3 years ago probably don't exist anymore and are tiny and not nice. It is possible but it depends how normally you want to live.

At the end of the first year, we stopped being supported although our parents will give us $100 for chanuka or pay for our flights sometimes. Other than that, we are on our own and we love it. We pay approx 3,600 shekel for our apartment, it is spacious enough for us and not crazy fancy but we have space to move around, light, air etc. I work for an online company, my husband does 3 sedarim a day and gets paid. And we have plenty to live on bh. I say plenty b/c we are happy, we can do our food shopping and buy what we want and need, we can buy a new dress or jewellery for yom tov or treats on occasion. This does not include extravagant vacations and hotels every week but we are in kollel right? So things are great bh. Vacation time, we rented a car and got a good deal on airbnb as opposed to going to the expensive areas where everyone else goes. that vacation did suck us a bit dry but it was ok and it was our money and our choice.

If ppl think they need to start off with a fancy 2 bedroom apartment in one of the new projects and eat out every night (we go out for pizza when we want and to a nice restaurant on occasion but do not spend $100 on steak), then yes they will need much much more.

I should add that I live in Yerushalayim:) in a prime location. To live normally you would probably need around $2000 a month with enough to breathe. Obviously depends on your rent amount and your style of life.

The first few months, the husband might not get paid in kollel yet and she might not have a job plus to set up their apartment so they could need more, after that it should be great. The figures are a bit vague as I'm translating from the shekel but it's around that.


I think one big difference in your ability to live this lifestyle is that you don't have children so you are essentially living the life of a student. The analogy would be for a secular post graduate student getting his/her master or PHD. The life is more gracious than living as an undergrad Smile but typically can be funded in a relatively gracious albeit way because there aren't the huge responsibilities that come when one has children.

I am not pointing this out to in any way minimize the reality of your experience because I think that the combination of marrying very young - having children (sometimes multiple children) quickly is a huge factor - with children come obvious expenses - stress from having to figure out child care - no money for even the little "luxuries" that make your life more enjoyable like inexpensive vacations or the ability to purchase a dress or whatever occasionally.

Also with children comes (or should come) thoughts about long term financial security. Typically someone living the post graduate life with a post graduate income isn't worried about saving for retirement. Also - and I realize this might vary - even if one's parents aren't supporting you, they are still a financial safety net in a true emergency. My parents expected me to fund my living expenses but they did help me out if I needed emergency medical care (e.g. dental expenses) so I didn't need to have a "rainy day" emergency fund.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Sat, Dec 14 2019, 12:45 pm
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
I think one big difference in your ability to live this lifestyle is that you don't have children so you are essentially living the life of a student. The analogy would be for a secular post graduate student getting his/her master or PHD. The life is more gracious than living as an undergrad Smile but typically can be funded in a relatively gracious albeit way because there aren't the huge responsibilities that come when one has children.

I am not pointing this out to in any way minimize the reality of your experience because I think that the combination of marrying very young - having children (sometimes multiple children) quickly is a huge factor - with children come obvious expenses - stress from having to figure out child care - no money for even the little "luxuries" that make your life more enjoyable like inexpensive vacations or the ability to purchase a dress or whatever occasionally.

Also with children comes (or should come) thoughts about long term financial security. Typically someone living the post graduate life with a post graduate income isn't worried about saving for retirement. Also - and I realize this might vary - even if one's parents aren't supporting you, they are still a financial safety net in a true emergency. My parents expected me to fund my living expenses but they did help me out if I needed emergency medical care (e.g. dental expenses) so I didn't need to have a "rainy day" emergency fund.


Yes, we are thinking of buying as well and are looking into different options. We have asked around and were told that it costs approx another 500 shekel for a kid per month at the beginning. We could live on less than we do at the moment as well if we wanted.
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SacN




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 14 2019, 3:15 pm
Quote:
We have asked around and were told that it costs approx another 500 shekel for a kid per month at the beginning. We could live on less than we do at the moment as well if we wanted.


This, of course, assumes you don't need daycare. Or specific formula. Maon alone can cost 2000 sheckels a month or more. Formula for sensitive babies can cost nearly your entire cheshbon.

If there's a safety net, fabulous. Smile
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