What does it cost to support your young married couple?

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amother

Cyan

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:08 am

notshanarishona wrote:

As 1 of 7 sisters , all of whom married at least short term learners, none of us went out with someone who demanded full support. With all of us , the plan was for the wife to work part time , the husband to bring in some form of a stipend as many kollels do pay something plus datot , and the parents to help out with the rest. Personally I would think someone who is asking for 3 K is not a serious learner and just wants the easy life. The kollels that pay stipends typically have a bit more demanding of a schedule and tests to hold avreichim accountable.

Out of curiosity, would the woman be in school in addition to her part time work?

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:21 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Thats because the daughters only want " learning boys " These same parents spent tons of money on schools and seminaries that brainwash these poor girls!. They are indoctrinated into believing that this is the only way they can have Torah. They're deluded into thinking that their entire olam haba depends on getting married to a " learning boy" How sad for these girls and their families.

I agree with you completely naturalmom5, this was so well said.

There are many serious, hardworking kollel families. But I would be doing a disservice by not warning you that some newlyweds and younger kollel families are living a lavish lifestyle (remodelled fully furnished 3 room apartments which easily cost 7,500 shekels a month, fancy clothing, designer strollers, restaurants, taxis here and there) on their parents dime. When you're working hard to bring in bread for your family, you have a whole new level of respect for money. This is why I plan on all my sons working, and all my daughters marrying working bocherim.

To address OP's original question, my experience comes from living in a neighbourhood with many young kollel families (newly weds or 1-2 children). My husband works BH, and we are a Haredi non-kollel family. If one is thinking about supporting their children in Eretz Yisroel during kollel studies, be willing to pay minimum $3,000 per month. A modest 1 bedroom apartment in Jerusalem costs 4,000 shekels a month, plus arnona (though kollel families receive a discount), plus water/gas/electricity, and these utilities are more costly in EY than in the US. Food, costs at least the same as in the US; perhaps $500 for a family of 2 to eat healthily. There are miscellaneous costs: phones, clothing, furniture, household items, etc.

camp123

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:40 am

Rent = 5000
water/ electric = 500
arnona = almost free if in kollel
phone/vaad bayit = 200
food for two people = 2000 (max)
extras = 1000

I think a young couple can manage on 9000 shekels a month, and a lot less if they live in a cheaper place like beiter or kiryat sefer.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:44 am

Very little if they live simply. My brother lives off 1500 USD a month with 2 kids.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:51 am

camp123 wrote:

9000 a month??? And why does rent have to be 5000 for a young couple?

banana123

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:51 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Very little if they live simply. My brother lives off 1500 USD a month with 2 kids.

Where? That makes sense, if he's in Israel.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:56 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

9000 a month??? And why does rent have to be 5000 for a young couple?

Shekels = $2550 (approx)

amother

Yellow

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:57 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Shekels.

Yes, shekels. That's still outrageous.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:58 am

camp123 wrote:

Gosh, is rent that high in those areas mentioned earlier? Thats crazy for a young newlywed couple.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:59 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

9000 a month??? And why does rent have to be 5000 for a young couple?

This. That is a loooot of money for a young married couple.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:00 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Very little if they live simply. My brother lives off 1500 USD a month with 2 kids.

Wow, how does he do that? His rent must be close to nothing then.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:03 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Gosh, is rent that high in those areas mentioned earlier? Thats crazy for a young newlywed couple.

There are plenty of haredi areas in Jerusalem where rent - at least for a 1-2 room apartment, which is all a young couple needs - is much lower.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:07 pm

banana123 wrote:

Where? That makes sense, if he's in Israel.

Jerusalem. 700usd for teeny horrible apartment. Expenses and food the rest. They are very idealistic. They'll probably do another few years before coming to USA.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:07 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

There are plenty of haredi areas in Jerusalem where rent - at least for a 1-2 room apartment, which is all a young couple needs - is much lower.

Then where are young couples paying 5000 shekels? I guess I should ask the poster who wrote that amount.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:08 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

As someone who currently supports 3 married children, in Lakewood, I have to put my opinion out there. The support we give is meant to help the children live and meet their current financial needs - NOT to save up. If you are able to put away the support that your parents are giving you, and they are having a hard time getting that money to you - perhaps consider taking the burden of supporting you off their shoulders. I know many women that take on second or even third jobs just to support their children. That is on top of all the emotional and practical help they give their married children every day. I would not in good conscience take money from my parents unless it was absolutely needed to live.
This is coming from someone who is BH able to support by children without any additional stress put upon me.

I thought the same thing. Seems not okay to put support away unless the parents agree to this. If you don't need support in order to meet daily expenses, why take it? I think married children don't often know or consider what kind of burden it can be to parents. I do think that it can contribute to a lot of stress that they don't feel they can get out of and who knows if their health will be affected from the financial burden. I know it's part of how things are done in certain communities but I wish it would be changed by the rabbeim once and for all.

Anyway, it really should be assumed the newlywed wife will work at least part time to help with expenses, as well as the husband may be able to tutor or such. Unless pregnant and sick, what else would she do all day? My MIL helped covering our very low rent (it was $300 at the time in Kiryat Sefer) and I worked in a yeshiva kitchen which covered most other expenses. We used $6K that year from our wedding money presents. We didn't have savings then but it was worth the experience of shana rishona in EY.

banana123

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:08 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Jerusalem. 700usd for teeny horrible apartment. Expenses and food the rest. They are very idealistic. They'll probably do another few years before coming to USA.

Impressive. Send my kudos to him. I can do tiny, but I can't do horrible.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:09 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Then where are young couples paying 5000 shekels? I guess I should ask the poster who wrote that amount.

Maybe they need to have very specific locations and apartments which are at least 3 rooms?

Mommyg8

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:10 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Then where are young couples paying 5000 shekels? I guess I should ask the poster who wrote that amount.

Ramat Eshkol

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:12 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

Maybe they need to have very specific locations and apartments which are at least 3 rooms?

look, any couple can make specific things that they "need" but a young married couple only needs a bedroom and open space and kitchen. ANd if Im being honest, I dont get it. If these couples are really wanting to live the true kollel life, a 5000 shekel apartment with more rooms than are needed is over the top. But thats my opinon.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:12 pm

Not sure what circles you are from but I can tell you that when I lived there I was spending 2,000 shekel each week not including rent and bills. I did have cleaning help but I did not eat meat, we did not go out to eat etc. so we were very comfortable and lacked nothing but for all those saying 2000 per month bear in mind that might not be realistic for many Americans who grew up more comfortably

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