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3.5 yo wants to be a baby

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 2:17 am
My 3.5 yo DS is the oldest and has a 2 yo brother. But he always tells me he wants to be a baby:

1. He wants to sleep in a crib. We recently made his crib into a toddler bed so it would be easier for him to get in/out by himself because he is getting so big. Whenever I talk about moving to a big boy bed, he asks me to put his crib back like it was before re.

2. He's not toilet trained ans tells me he wants to make in a diaper like a baby.

3. He refuses to hold a crayon /marker like a big boy - only the baby way - on purpose.

4. He recently asked me to bathe him in the sink "like a baby".

Whenever I tell him that he's a big boy, he tells me he's not, that he's still a baby. I do tell him that he'll always be my first baby, but he is growing up.

I don't get it but don't know what to do. Iyh I'm due in April and I dont really want to have 3 kids in cribs or diapers at the same time! He'll iyh be 4 by then. Any advice is appreciated.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 3:56 am
My dd had a fase when she did that. I told her babies only drink milk I also told her that some of her toys I will give away and she can choose who I should give it to. Because a baby can't play with those things (playmobil, bicycle...) I totally played along with her and it lasted really short
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 4:19 am
blessedflower wrote:
My dd had a fase when she did that. I told her babies only drink milk I also told her that some of her toys I will give away and she can choose who I should give it to. Because a baby can't play with those things (playmobil, bicycle...) I totally played along with her and it lasted really short


Exactly.
Babies don't ride bikes, eat candy or desert, go to gan etc.
Babies take naps, babies eat baby food, and babies go to sleep REALLY early.
Babies don't choose their own clothing etc.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 4:24 am
Growing up can be scary.
Being a baby represents: mommy holds me all the time. Mommy comes running when I cry and doesn't say wait a second.
Nothing is expected of me (fear of failure?)

I would talk to him about why he wants to be a baby. What he misses and what's o bad about being a 4 year old.
I have a client who's son is 10 and he still wants to be a baby. She said she never addressed the issue just always said he's growing up. Of course this is extreme but there's some anxiety there I think.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 5:45 am
Would you want to be in a bed, unable to walk to take what you want, no tablet, can't tell me what's wrong?
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WhatFor




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:00 am
Do you have special alone time with him? He probably sees his younger sibling get tons of attention and may hear you getting excited about the new baby.

Also, does he have kids his age (or slightly older) to play with so that he realizes how cool that can be? I also agree with highlighting what a big boy he is when he gets certain privileges.
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:37 am
"OK hi baby DS! Oh what? Nooooo you can't talk. Thats silly. Babies can't talk."
"We are going to the store now! But Baby DS cant walk with us because babies cant walk. And also, its time for Baby DS to take a nap. Night night!"
"For supper, we are having _______. Baby DS, would you like your bottle of milk instead? That's what babies drink"
"Let's go to the park. Baby DS, you cab stay in your carriage. Babies don't know how to play on the swings or slides"
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:38 am
Totally normal. My 3.5 is the same way. Make time to cuddle like a baby every day. Let him play with kids a bit older than himself.
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TranquilityAndPeace




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:41 am
My 6 year old does this kind of stuff too. She’s my youngest, and my oldest is 20, so I don’t worry about it at all, but I’m sure I would if she were my oldest!

Often she does it to get out of her responsibilities like putting pajamas in the hamper. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it and don’t worry. When I tell her she’s getting so big, she protests that she’s a baby! Sometimes I humor her and say I’m going to give her baby pajamas and put her in the crib, and when I’m brushing her teeth she’ll say “I’m a baby so I only have 2 teeth, right” and sometimes I’ll talk about her milestones when she was a baby and tell her that she got her first tooth at ten months, and her hair was long enough for a little pony at 6 months, etc, and she loves hearing these stories.

In my opinion it’s just a way of getting out of responsibilities and sometimes cuddling without moving on to the next thing we need to do, like eating breakfast, getting dressed, etc. No worries about it on my end at all!
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:45 am
I would make a big thing about all the special privileges and special treats and activities big boys get to do naturally make opportunities for it.I wouldn't argue with him about wanting to be a baby just make it clear throughout the day that big boys get to do more. You can validate him low key when he says it letting him know you heard, no judgement.
Give him cuddles and attention and remember that although he is your oldest and seems big at 3.5 in many ways he is still little/baby.
Also, if you are expecting and just changed his crib to bed I would wait a bit till this phase passes to deal with toilet training.
When I put 2 year old to sleep Id say to 3.5 year old you get to stay up later because you are bigger.
Id give him extras and tell him its because you are 3.5. Then Id "talk" to baby in tummy in front of him and say "not for you baby! you are toooo little!" and make this an ongoing theme.
Make special privileges and treats for him because he is bigger and point this out happily. He will quickly not want to be a baby so much (normal for kids to sometimes want to be)
Sometimes you can include the 2 year old in this, like make them a team they are both bigger than baby-to-be/baby. You can say "sorry baby! no treats for you! You are too little! Maybe when you are big/2/3.5!"
Emphasize the positive. And realize that parents generally expect the most from their oldest. Give him time. Id let go for now like let him hold crayon as he wants and act as if you don't even notice it. If he feels any pressure to be bigger than he's ready for because of 3.5 2 and baby (understandable) it just backfires.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:48 am
Very Normal. He knows you're having another baby (even if you haven't spelled it out) and wants your attention again.

Quote:
The problem with “big boys” is that they don’t get as much hands-on care as “little boys” or “babies” do. Being a big boy or big girl — growing up — isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (which I can certainly attest to after just celebrating a “very big girl” birthday). There are gains, but also losses. Not living up to being a “big boy” can be cause for shame, though I know you don’t mean it to be. I would avoid those terms altogether.
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Dec 12 2019, 8:13 am
It's a developmentally normal 3 year old stage. To want to be big and want the comfort of being a baby.

Lots of reassurance, comfort and snuggles. Praise for new accomplishments. No upset for regressions.

When my oldest was 3.5 I thought she was so big. With my youngest I realize she's still a baby in lots of ways. The viewpoint is completely different.
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