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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Are parents obligated to send to sleepaway
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 5:53 pm
I can't afford the almost 3k per month cost. Am I obligated to spend money I don't have? Can a 13 year old understand that we can't afford this or are we scarring our child for life.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 5:55 pm
Can you apply for scholarship?
Can she work babysitting or something to help cover costs?
Not every kid is obligated to attend camp but it sure is a good thing. I know kids that go for one half and work in a day camp the second half.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:25 pm
Of course not. Camp is not an inalienable right. If you can’t afford, you can’t afford. That’s something every child needs to learn: there will always be people who can afford more than they can, and they must live within their means, not other people’s,

Don’t let others guilt you into doing something you can’t afford. I don’t know if 13 is old enough to be a CIT in day camp, but that’s one possibility. It’ll still cost you, but not as much as sleepaway. If you can’t send your dc to day camp, you’ll need to find some way to occupy him or her during the summer. 13 is not too young to get a job as a mother’s helper or running errands or something informal like that. To get a “real” job a child must be 14 and have “working papers”.

Do check out scholarship possibilities, but the discounts aren’t usually all that steep. YMMV.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:34 pm
You aren't even obligated to send DC if you can afford to send DC. There's no entitlement to summer camp.

Don't drink that koolaid!
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I can't afford the almost 3k per month cost. Am I obligated to spend money I don't have? Can a 13 year old understand that we can't afford this or are we scarring our child for life.

No one is obligated to do anything. I don’t think you need to use the words “can’t afford” but I think a 13 year old should be able to understand the difference between luxury and necessity, and sleep away, most of the time, is not a necessity.
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chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:35 pm
You're not scarring your kid for life by not sending to camp. Camp can be a very nice experience, but it's still a luxury.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:38 pm
flowerpower wrote:
Can you apply for scholarship?
Can she work babysitting or something to help cover costs?
Not every kid is obligated to attend camp but it sure is a good thing. I know kids that go for one half and work in a day camp the second half.

It’s not good for everyone. I went twice, and hated it both times. It CAN be a great experience, and most people who go love it. Unfortunately though, I also know more than a few people who went, year after year, because that’s what was done and that’s “what everyone did” but they hated it. The parents wouldn’t hear of not sending them because “what do you mean? Everyone goes to sleep away camp!! What will you do if you stay home?”
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:39 pm
chanatron1000 wrote:
You're not scarring your kid for life by not sending to camp. Camp can be a very nice experience, but it's still a luxury.

I think she meant is she scarring the child by saying they can’t afford it.
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eduardo




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:39 pm
I spent most of my summers not going to sleepaway camp and I was totally fine with it. I have a lot of friends whos parents couldnt afford it and they were all fine with it too. Not scarring, everyone is different and your daughter will understand that

I would say try to make sure whatever she does during the summer fun and enjoyable. If she ends up staying home, keep her busy with projects, games, scavenger hunts, etc. She doesnt need to be in a sleepaway camp to have a really fun and memorable summer
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:40 pm
Camp is awesome - including the koolaid (bug juice as we called it). Its not an obligation to send - but really does support the goal of raising 'good kids'.

Now - if not possible - its not possible. No life scars - just missing out on one of many many many good growing-up experiences. There loads of others... including free ones.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:52 pm
Obligated??? No.

I'm sending my 13 year old this summer iyh for one half for the first time
(last summer was his bar mitzvah, and as for the summer prior, I wouldn't send before coming out of 7th grd- I think it's too young), but a number of his friends are working full summer iyh and skipping camp
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 6:53 pm
Out of my three teens only one went one year. I know that my boys would benefit but I didn’t have the funds to send them.
The menahel of my brother’s 13 yr old said that he is “mechuyav” to send his DS 13 even though he can’t afford it. He said that this boy is someone who NEEDS it. Each child is different but I found it shocking that a menahel would say that it’s a chiyuv.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:04 pm
amother [ Wheat ] wrote:
Camp is awesome - including the koolaid (bug juice as we called it). Its not an obligation to send - but really does support the goal of raising 'good kids'.

Now - if not possible - its not possible. No life scars - just missing out on one of many many many good growing-up experiences. There loads of others... including free ones.

I don’t mean to rag on you, but this is one of the reasons why people go into debt to send their kids to camp. Keeping your kids home ALSO supports the goal of raising “good kids.” I know some amazing people who never went to sleep away camp, and some down right rotten people who went. Neither experience is BETTER for the goal. They are just two different ways of getting there, both equally good.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:15 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I can't afford the almost 3k per month cost. Am I obligated to spend money I don't have? Can a 13 year old understand that we can't afford this or are we scarring our child for life.


No, you're not obligated. No, you won't scar your child for life.

But it is a nice thing.

Talk to your child about trying to work for some of the money. If you live in an area with snow, s/he could shovel driveways for money. Offer to water plants or look after pets when people go away. Babysit. Help younger kids with homework.

And look into scholarships.

But if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:24 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
I don’t mean to rag on you, but this is one of the reasons why people go into debt to send their kids to camp. Keeping your kids home ALSO supports the goal of raising “good kids.” I know some amazing people who never went to sleep away camp, and some down right rotten people who went. Neither experience is BETTER for the goal. They are just two different ways of getting there, both equally good.


People go into debt to send their kids to camp because they borrow money to send their kids to camp. (I repeated myself several times in my post that it wasn't the only means to an end).

I was more so responding to the comment that even if there is money there is no obligation to send to camp. Of course there is no obligation - but if there is a good camp to send to, and the child is at all interested - there would need to be, IMHO a really strong reason not to send. Its good Koolaid.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:24 pm
I will be the voice of dissent here. No one is obligated to send their kid to sleep away camp. That being said, as a parent, I do believe you have a responsibility to help make sure your child has some sort of plan/program to make sure he/she is not doing nothing all day. It can be mommy camp, working as a mother’s helper, tennis lessons at the local parks dept., whatever.... as long as there is some type of structure to the day. While every kid is different, most younger teens will find it to challenging to entertain themselves all day, every day for two months.

This past summer, my kid was adamant that he didn’t want to go to camp. So I told him “that’s fine, make a plan.” His “plan” was basically me taking him to the bowling alley most days and occasionally trying to find a babysitting or lawn-mowing job. For this particular kid, that was not enough of a plan— so he needed to go to camp. And it took us a long time to pay it off...but I felt that it was a chinuch obligation, just like tuition. Maybe for a different one of my kids, I wouldn’t feel that way.
Posting anonymously because I don’t want to say anything negative about my kid:..
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amother
Coral


 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:35 pm
No bad decisions please
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chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:37 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
I think she meant is she scarring the child by saying they can’t afford it.

Children are allowed to know that their parents don't have an infinite supply of money.
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small bean




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 7:42 pm
This is such a sad question. Of course not!

There are cheaper camp options if you are interested like BRC, Tehilah. I'm sure there are more.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 12 2019, 8:04 pm
I went to camp for one summer and I paid for half of it and my main response was that it wasn't worth the money..
Recognizing the value of how much it cost, even as a kid, I realized that spending over $1000 on month of summer vacation was not worth it.
After that, I went to bungallow colonies and earned money and had a great time and gained independence. It's not for everyone to go to bungallows as a counselor but it's a lot more fun than being a counselor in a day camp because you get to sleep together with all the other counselors and kind of be on your own. It's another option out there.
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