Are parents obligated to send to sleepaway

gold21

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 8:08 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

I will be the voice of dissent here. No one is obligated to send their kid to sleep away camp. That being said, as a parent, I do believe you have a responsibility to help make sure your child has some sort of plan/program to make sure he/she is not doing nothing all day. It can be mommy camp, working as a mother’s helper, tennis lessons at the local parks dept., whatever.... as long as there is some type of structure to the day. While every kid is different, most younger teens will find it to challenging to entertain themselves all day, every day for two months.

This past summer, my kid was adamant that he didn’t want to go to camp. So I told him “that’s fine, make a plan.” His “plan” was basically me taking him to the bowling alley most days and occasionally trying to find a babysitting or lawn-mowing job. For this particular kid, that was not enough of a plan— so he needed to go to camp. And it took us a long time to pay it off...but I felt that it was a chinuch obligation, just like tuition. Maybe for a different one of my kids, I wouldn’t feel that way.
Posting anonymously because I don’t want to say anything negative about my kid:..

100 percent

A child needs structure to their day

So if they're not in sleepaway camp, or day camp, then they should be working somewhere. Definitely NOT sitting at home.

I've never kept my kids home.

Always sent to daycamp.

PinkFridge

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 9:16 pm

Are there any local day camp options? Night camps if we're talking girls?
Some camps will offer deep discounts for a girl who's willing to be a mother's helper. 2 caveats: I don't know if it's too late to apply and YMMV as far as how much fun the girl will have. Some mother's helpers really don't get to be with camp as much as others.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Beige

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 9:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't afford the almost 3k per month cost. Am I obligated to spend money I don't have? Can a 13 year old understand that we can't afford this or are we scarring our child for life.

Is it a boy or girl?
There are half day learning programs for boys available in brooklyn

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 9:30 pm

Posting anonymously because those rotten tomatoes will hurt. Yes, in yeshivish/heimish/chassidish circles it is very important to send your child (8th grade and up) to camp, even if it means going into debt. What PinkFridge said is a good option: can you find a camp who would be willing to accept your daughter at no charge in exchange for being a mother's helper?

gold21

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 9:31 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Why?

I guess I'm not that yeshivish, but some of my neighbors 8th grade kids are working full summer at a local daycamp.

My son wants to go to sleepaway one half and work the other. Fine with me.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 10:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't afford the almost 3k per month cost. Am I obligated to spend money I don't have? Can a 13 year old understand that we can't afford this or are we scarring our child for life.

I am sending my 13 year old to camp this summer she's been begging for years she really wants to go I said it's a one time thing we where hoping for a scolorship that's not going to work out hopefully will find a different one . She understands money as I teach my kids I can't buy them everything even though we work we have to think about where are money should be spent food or junk. On the flip side I can't always say no to them so I am giving this to her this summer.

amother

Smokey

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 10:04 pm

I can't believe that anyone thinks that sleep away camp is something "owed" to a child when the family's financial situation makes it essentially unaffordable.

How is this even debatable?

A parent "owes" a child medial care even if that is unaffordable but sleep away camp?

I don't know where the OP is located, if in NYC aren't there affordable alternatives. I hate to bring out the old "when I was a whippersnapper" but by the time I was 13 I was able to entertain myself with friends in the neighborhood as well as just enjoying chilling out without having my time highly organized.

I did go to sleep away camp for two weeks for two summers - personally I could have done without the experience. It wasn't terrible and I had fun but I also had fun hanging out with my friends in the neighborhood. Looking back there were opportunities/experiences and other budgetary items that my parents paid for that were far more beneficial for me than summer camp.

eschaya

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 11:15 pm

Mu daughter very much wanted to go to sleepaway camp. Especially since we live OOT , I do think that its important to send her. But we cant afford to send her (and the rest of our kids to camp) year after year.
So we told her that. BH we have what we need. So we offered that if she will pay half, we would love to pay the other half to give her this opportunity. And she has done so for the past 4 years.
It teaches great responsibility that is so lacking among youth today, and honestly, even if we had tons of money, we would still work out this same split.

chestnut

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 11:24 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Why?

amother

Apricot

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 11:34 pm

Every child is different one of my children whose too young at the moment in my opinion I need to send her to camp she has a very hard time in school and thrives in any extra curricular environment. She does have a good 4 years till she’s of age and I am putting away money for this. The same way my older son needed braces to feel good about his smile I feel this will help her feel good about herself out of the 9 months a year struggling in school.

amother

Oak

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 12:15 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

Children are allowed to know that their parents don't have an infinite supply of money.

Yes!! I grew up with a single mom who definitely told us when she couldn't afford things we wanted. It did not scar any of us for life.

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 12:50 am

I'm the youngest and my parents literally went from riches to rags when I was about 6 years old. We still lived in a relatively nice house etc, but unlike my older siblings, when I got to the age where my friends were going to sleepaway camp, my parents did not send me. I really wanted to go, but didn't push the issue. (I actually didn't push the issue about much of anything, being the people pleaser I was/am....but that's a story for another day.)
Anyway, I basically spent summers in a combination of day camp and traveling to spend time with relatives. I REALLY wished that I could go to camp with my friends--in school it was talked abt after the summer, before the summer, in December when girls applied....I felt very out of it.
Of course it is not an obligation to send your kids! However, know your child. Take the time to find out if this is important to them. Then if there is any way you can possibly swing it, even if it means real sacrifice in other areas, I'd say send them.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:11 am

Of course there is no obligation. Not by society and not by law.
If one can afford it, great. If not, the kid will find other things to do during the summer.

Here in israel, any sleepaway camp is insanely expensive and almost nobody sends. Then again most day camps are only for july. And august is really just so many kids just chilling out, many not really doing anything specific. Chill time isnt bad either.

Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:31 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aqua

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:16 am

gold21 wrote:

Obligated??? No.

I'm sending my 13 year old this summer iyh for one half for the first time
(last summer was his bar mitzvah, and as for the summer prior, I wouldn't send before coming out of 7th grd- I think it's too young), but a number of his friends are working full summer iyh and skipping camp

curious what types of jobs his friends have. I have a son this age and there arent many options for jobs...

amother

Emerald

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 2:52 am

OP, 3K is over the top for a half summer. The yeshivish camps have scholarships where one half can come down after you're approved for lunch program to 1500. If dd is a mothers helper she gets camp for 800 or 900. Lots of kids are mothers helpers just to afford camp. Also, we asked the camp if we can give a deposit before the summer and pay off the remainder when we get our tax return money. It's been working for us.

JoyInTheMorning

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 4:37 am

There is no obligation to send to any camp, day camp or sleep away camp. We couldn't afford sleep away camp and could only afford a few weeks of day camp in some years. Everyone survived and thrived.

We actually could have afforded camp if we hadn't paid full tuition for school. But in my opinion, it's more important to pay full tuition. Jewish education is an extremely high priority for me; it's almost a necessity. Camp is a luxury. Moreover, what I don't give to the schools gets taken from someone else. I'm not going to indulge in a luxury on someone else's back.

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Yes, the bolded is so true. We overschedule our kids. It's so important to let kids figure out how to manage their free time.