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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Dec 14 2019, 8:14 pm
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what does a shomeret do the night before the wedding?
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trixx
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 8:36 pm
Nothing?
Her job is just to accompany the bride around the week before. And it doesn't have to be a designated person.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 8:43 pm
THank you
Is their one for the groom ?what does he do ? What is the reason for this ??
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trixx
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 8:55 pm
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Just to avoid ayin hara. After the wedding, during Sheba brochos they are both accompanied bc they are like king and queen. So diff reason but same idea of shomer.
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tweety1
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 10:53 pm
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There's more to it. Exp when the chosson leaves to daven or wherever the kallah needs a shower too.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 10:58 pm
can you please explain more about the shower part?
thank you
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miami85
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 11:10 pm
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When I was a shomeres I was given the task of getting the kallah to get off the phone as she was talking to her chosson most of the night and reminding her "no coffee tomorrow"
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trixx
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Sat, Dec 14 2019, 11:50 pm
| miami85 wrote: | | When I was a shomeres I was given the task of getting the kallah to get off the phone as she was talking to her chosson most of the night and reminding her "no coffee tomorrow" |
That's just giving a Hebrew title to the duty of bridesmaid or maid of honor
I went to a friend's wedding out of town and she was going ahead alone to the venue to take pictures and still needed a shomer so I volunteered. I ended up doing things like holding her bouquet, getting her to smile naturally etc and we kept joking that the photographer thought the whole night that I was the maid of honor
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M0mmy
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 12:07 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | can you please explain more about the shower part?
thank you |
 Took me a few tries - I think it was a typo for "shomer" (or "shomeres" in this case) - as in, after the chasunah, if the husband has to go to shul, or whatever, some people will have a shomeres stay with the wife.
Personally, we were given a psak that in my own home I wouldn't need a shomeres if my husband left. (Like a queen in her castle.)
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amother
Beige
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 12:34 am
Um. She was a baalat teshuva, so her parents weren't too involved on the halachic side. So I took her to the place down the road from the mikva, where she was meeting her kallah teacher. Then I had a bit of a break, but had to be there when she came out.
Then she decided that she didn't want to go back to her apartment, because her roommates were driving her mad. So I took her back to my house, and made her supper, and made her eat it, intermittently reassuring her that she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life. Then I put her to bed. In my bed because, well, I couldn't ask a kallah to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
Then at 2:00am the phone rang, with another friend who had gone into labour and needed me to come and babysit her children. This was prearranged, but we hadn't counted on that night. So I ran off to her house, leaving the kallah asleep in my bed. I got a couple hours sleep on the couch before the children woke up. Then I got them off to school, ran back to my house, and found the kallah just waking up. So I got her up, called a taxi to take us to daven at the Kotel, and let the day unwind from there.
I think a large part of the job of shomeret is just to absorb nerves, keep the day on track and not get offended at anything the kallah says.
ETA I also spent a lot of time taking phone calls and messages between the chatan and kallah, and once they were in the same venue on the day of the wedding, making sure I knew where everyone was and that they didn't accidentally bump into each other.
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banana123
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 5:02 am
| amother [ Beige ] wrote: | Um. She was a baalat teshuva, so her parents weren't too involved on the halachic side. So I took her to the place down the road from the mikva, where she was meeting her kallah teacher. Then I had a bit of a break, but had to be there when she came out.
Then she decided that she didn't want to go back to her apartment, because her roommates were driving her mad. So I took her back to my house, and made her supper, and made her eat it, intermittently reassuring her that she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life. Then I put her to bed. In my bed because, well, I couldn't ask a kallah to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
Then at 2:00am the phone rang, with another friend who had gone into labour and needed me to come and babysit her children. This was prearranged, but we hadn't counted on that night. So I ran off to her house, leaving the kallah asleep in my bed. I got a couple hours sleep on the couch before the children woke up. Then I got them off to school, ran back to my house, and found the kallah just waking up. So I got her up, called a taxi to take us to daven at the Kotel, and let the day unwind from there.
I think a large part of the job of shomeret is just to absorb nerves, keep the day on track and not get offended at anything the kallah says.
ETA I also spent a lot of time taking phone calls and messages between the chatan and kallah, and once they were in the same venue on the day of the wedding, making sure I knew where everyone was and that they didn't accidentally bump into each other. |
I think the whole point is to make sure neither side gets cold feet and runs off at the last moment.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 6:04 am
| miami85 wrote: | | When I was a shomeres I was given the task of getting the kallah to get off the phone as she was talking to her chosson most of the night and reminding her "no coffee tomorrow" |
I wouldn't appreciate this...
I'm lucky we weren't told of this
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tweety1
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:33 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | can you please explain more about the shower part?
thank you |
Sorry meant to say shomer. Lol. Funny/weird mistake.
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tweety1
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:34 am
| M0mmy wrote: | Took me a few tries - I think it was a typo for "shomer" (or "shomeres" in this case) - as in, after the chasunah, if the husband has to go to shul, or whatever, some people will have a shomeres stay with the wife.
Personally, we were given a psak that in my own home I wouldn't need a shomeres if my husband left. (Like a queen in her castle.) |
Lol. Yes! Tnx for not making fun of me that maybe she needs a shomer in the shower....
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Elfrida
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 10:12 am
| tweety1 wrote: | | Lol. Yes! Tnx for not making fun of me that maybe she needs a shomer in the shower.... |
To see if she is showering with the chatan?
But now it has come up for discussion, it will probably become the new minhag. Yehareg v'al ya'avor!
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 6:10 pm
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I think before the wedding, it's to prevent the bride and groom from seeing each other? and after the wedding to prevent them from having yichud with anyone? also if the woman is niddah on the wedding day, it's to prevent them from having yichud with each other after the wedding.
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rising hero
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Sun, Dec 15 2019, 6:38 pm
| amother [ Beige ] wrote: | Um. She was a baalat teshuva, so her parents weren't too involved on the halachic side. So I took her to the place down the road from the mikva, where she was meeting her kallah teacher. Then I had a bit of a break, but had to be there when she came out.
Then she decided that she didn't want to go back to her apartment, because her roommates were driving her mad. So I took her back to my house, and made her supper, and made her eat it, intermittently reassuring her that she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life. Then I put her to bed. In my bed because, well, I couldn't ask a kallah to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
Then at 2:00am the phone rang, with another friend who had gone into labour and needed me to come and babysit her children. This was prearranged, but we hadn't counted on that night. So I ran off to her house, leaving the kallah asleep in my bed. I got a couple hours sleep on the couch before the children woke up. Then I got them off to school, ran back to my house, and found the kallah just waking up. So I got her up, called a taxi to take us to daven at the Kotel, and let the day unwind from there.
I think a large part of the job of shomeret is just to absorb nerves, keep the day on track and not get offended at anything the kallah says.
ETA I also spent a lot of time taking phone calls and messages between the chatan and kallah, and once they were in the same venue on the day of the wedding, making sure I knew where everyone was and that they didn't accidentally bump into each other. |
You sound like an amazing friend.
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