Is chupa time supposed to start later than on invitations?

amother

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 3:25 pm

I’m making a wedding. If the invitations states certain time for the chupa how much later do people think it’s going to start. I was just at a wedding and it started an hour later. Is it unusual?

ROFL

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 3:32 pm

No I hate that. When you say chuppah is starting at a specific time I expect that it shoudl start then and not an hour late. What a tirach d’tzibur That is. What chutzpah to waste my time.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 4:01 pm

I always assume 30 minutes to an hour.

However, in the spring/summer months, you need to bear in mind what time shkiyah is vs. what time the chupah is called for. If shkiyah is at 7:15 and the chupah is called for 6:30, it will most likely start pretty close to on time.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 4:18 pm

ROFL wrote:

No I hate that. When you say chuppah is starting at a specific time I expect that it shoudl start then and not an hour late. What a tirach d’tzibur That is. What chutzpah to waste my time.

This.
Kabalat panim-6
Badeckin -6:30
Chuppah-7
Dinner and dancing 8:30
Dessert and benching-10

If you give people times for any of these things, stick to it.
You don't know how they coordinated their evening (leaving work early, babysitting, Mikvah.....) to make your simcha a priority. Respect their time and their schedule by keeping yours.

Teomima

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 4:29 pm

Here in Israel everyone and everything runs late. When I got married the chuppah was called for, and needed to happen, before shkiya, so we specifically said that on the invitation (and called for a chuppah time that was about 40min earlier than it really needed to be, for good measure).

miami85

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 4:30 pm

Haven't been to TOO Many weddings lately, but I was somewhat frustrated that they were all more or less on-time when I was running late. I think time of year has a lot to do with it, and whether or not the time of the chuppah is right around shkiya or if they are trying to make it before shkiya.

ROFL

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 4:42 pm

I don’t know. Maybe I have been to different wedding s than all of you but I expect a wedding to start on time maybe ten- fifteen minutes late.
Miami - really everyone shoudl run late since you run late ! If you are invited somewhere and can’t get be on time for the chuppah —-then you miss the chuppah !
I can’t understand why people should wait for you ‘

zaq

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:07 pm

Chuppah time is SUPPOSED to be the time stated on the invitation. That it seldom turns out that way is not a matter of form but a national disgrace. Usually one of two things is happening: either the baalei hasimcha themselves are not ready—which is rude, rude, rude—or they are waiting for someone to arrive, such as a very close relative, an eid, or someone who has a bracha under the chuppah.

If you’re the Baal hasimcha, please do everything in your power to have the affair start on time. When it starts late, it’s unfair to everyone involved, and I do mean everyone, from the young couple who have to pay a babysitter for four hours instead of three, to the kitchen staff who won’t be able to leave till two in the morning, to the kallah’s grandmother who has a hard time staying up so late, to the friends who have to catch the last bus back to Smallville even if it means missing the first dance.

amother

Green

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 8:25 pm

הכל בידי שמים
Our sons chupa ran late Because the kalla’s side was at an aunt’s levaya
A freind’s chupa ran late because the grandmother was rushed to ER
Another time the mesader kiddushin was stuck on the highway.
As for the בעלי simcha not being ready, again things happen
At our eldest daughter’s wedding, my gown wasn’t ready because the seamstress was sick. We finally picked it up a couple of hours before the wedding.
Of course it would be great if chuppa time is exactly the time written.
So if you write for example 7pm perhaps it will be in time, perhaps not. Usually barring unusual circumstances they run close to the time stated.

paperflowers

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 9:55 pm

I generally assume that whatever time the chuppah is called for is when the chosson comes in for the badekin and the chuppah starts 15 minutes later. I consider that running on time.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:36 pm

In my experience, MO weddings tend to be the most prompt, chassidishe weddings the least, with yeshivish in the middle, often running about an hour behind schedule. I have no idea why this should be, but it's what I've seen consistently over the years.

Iymnok

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 2:46 am

Someone suggested to me that if you write, Chuppa 7:28 then people will arrive more punctually since they see that you are serious. But only do so if you will start no later than 7:35.
Otherwise it is normal to be 1/2 hour to an hour late.
Please give yourselves extra time for pictures. Tell the various families to get there a half hour or so earlier than you want them.

essie14

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 4:05 am

We wrote בדיוק on our invitation and all the important people knew that the chupah would be on time. Looking at my wedding video, it seems that almost everyone was there in time for the chupah. My wedding planner was amazing, she told the band to start playing for the badekin at exactly 5 min before the time of the chupah. By the time DH and I both made it to the chupah it could not have been more than 10 min after the stated time. (Hurray for Israeli weddings where the chattan walks straight to the chupah after the badekin)

amother

Denim

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 7:05 am

We gave our schedule to caterer, photographer and band. We told them we were serious about sticking to it.
We stressed it to the mechutanim, and made sure the chosson had a backup that could do tenaaim and get started if mesader kidushin is late.
We probably would have started even if people weren't there, but we are known for starting and ending our simchas on time. Most people appreciate it. Of course things happen, but we really try.

Not because we are rigid, but out of consideration for others. We like going to simchas that run on time, even if it means we get there a little late.

Cheiny

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m making a wedding. If the invitations states certain time for the chupa how much later do people think it’s going to start. I was just at a wedding and it started an hour later. Is it unusual?

I think it’s terrible that in our community, the term “Jewish time” has become the norm, ie. knowing that whatever time any event is posted, it means it will no doubt start much later! That’s a terrible waste of people’s time, and unprofessional and unmentshlich. Expecting something to start 5-10 minutes late is acceptable, 1/2 hour and more is not! Why can’t we just be honest and stick to a schedule, thereby respecting everyone’s time and schedules?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:55 pm

As the mother of the chattan I compromised on every single thing.
The only and I mean only thing I put my foot down on was the chuppah starting on time. We deliberately wrote 15 minutes earlier on the invitation and started exactly 15 minutes later- which was the time we planned on.
I did it for my friends.
I leave weddings no later than 10:30.
Even those of my closest friends.
I wanted my friends to dance with me and eat and still be able to get home at a normal time.