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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:08 am

Just came home from pta and both teachers told me my 8 year old is immature.
One teacher also told me she asks to many questions and because of that isn’t getting work done in a timely manner.
What do I do with this info now?

amother

Teal

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:13 am

Is this a first year teacher?
What did she suggest to do?
Sounds inexperienced if may say so

amother

cornflower

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:21 am

Your 8 year old is immature or your 28 year old is immature ? What exactly does she say your 8 year old is doing that is immature ?

amother

Blue

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:27 am

does the school have any support staff?

I would ask the teacher straight out. What do you suggest we do about this?

You are supposed to be working as a team.

I had an issue with a kid and even before the teacher said anything about it I reached out to her, said I am seeing x at home, are you seeing it in school as well. She said yes. I asked her what type of evaluation does she suggest we take my child for... I got her evaluated out of school (it was a language processing issue but first we checked her hearing), teacher said she'll reach out to the school speech therapist to see if she can get services for it in school.

Comments like that shouldn't just be thrown out but rather used as a springboard to figure out how to help the child.

amother

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:31 am

Definitely young teachers but I don’t think first year. Probably second or third year.
They didn’t have what to suggest. And not even really concrete examples. More like it was a feeling they got but couldn’t pinpoint the issue.
The only thing I’ve been seeing at home is that this child started crying and throwing tantrums a lot since the school year started.

flowerpower

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:37 am

Third grade is a hard grade. Perhaps it’s too much for her? Speak to the principal and see what she suggests.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:48 am

Teachers might be inexperienced but take their concerns seriously!!
They are comparing her to 20 other kids so even if they don't know what's wrong or how to help her they know she's not like the other 20 kids in the class. I would call principal and discuss it with her.
Ask her "what's the next step?" She might just say to wait it out, need some to mature and catch up or she might need help!

amother

Ecru

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:52 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This sounds like an overzealous teacher who gets her feeling of importance by finding "problem girls" or making problems where they don't exist. Because the morah stated your daughter is "immature" and "asks too many questions" it actually sounds to me like she might have some sort of issue with your daughter, and is trying to find something wrong with her to justify her pre-existing negative feelings. If it weren't this, she probably would have come up with something else. Some people just need problems to solve in order to feel useful and like they matter. That's how they get their feeling of importance- by making mountains out of molehills.

My experience is that we dealt with one of those morahs last year. She was a real pill. That teacher wasted I don't know how much of our time in pointless discussions. Because as soon as our daughter would improve one thing, that morah found something else wrong with her. This week it was her organisational skills, next week it was that she talked too little, then it actually because that she talked too much, and so on and so forth until it became absurd. Ultimately we told the morah that if she keeps looking for things wrong with our daughter, she will find them, and so she should begin focusing on the good for everyone's sake.

I would like to add that our daughter was completely miserable and high-strung during this time, until the last months of the school year when the morah backed off. This year has been much better and our daughter became her regular self again, happy and 90% less stressed.

My advice to you is, don't pay too much importance to what the morah is saying, because what she's not saying carries much deeper meaning. Try to find out what the real problem is. Does she not like your daughter? Is your daughter a bit different and that bothers her? What's really going on?

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 10:59 am

If BOTH teachers said DD is immature - maybe there is an issue. OTOH could be one teacher pressured the other teacher to back her up. Did any previous teachers have issues with your daughter?

Don't make a big deal about it. Tell your daughter that too many questions are disruptive to the class. Ask the teacher how many questions per day are OK (which is half a day). Asking too many questions was discussed recently in Yated's Chinuch Round Table and the experts said giving a definite limit to the number of questions asked per day or per lesson.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:05 am

Is your daughter from the younger kids in the class? We have a son that was the youngest and were always told he was “immature”. It was more of an immaturity in terms of social skills. He often got himself into situations where he was bullied. He got insulted easily by people’s comments and would sulk for long periods of time in a tantruming kind of way. When I had him repeat ninth grade we noticed the change in him. He was finally on the social level of his peers.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

One second , both teachers said that your daughter is immature and asking a lot of questions ? Both teachers couldn't pin point it ? How do they expect you to help your daughter or fix a problem if they aren't giving you anything concrete? Did they call you before pta to let you k now they're having a problem ?
To me it sounds like for some reason that they just have no patients for your daughter. Why cant she ask questions? What exactly is the problem with her ? Something isnt making sense . You can tell them that if they have nothing concrete to say then you cant help the situation .
Regarding your daughter , I think you should speak to her to see what is bothering her . Maybe girls are maybe even the teAchers are mean to her or not letting her Express herself . If she never used to throw tantrums and cry then it means something or someone is bothering her in school . I would get to the bottom of that first. Good luck

tweety1

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:11 am

thunderstorm wrote:

This!! I had the same exact thing with one of my kids. We hired private help last yr and bh we see an amazing difference. The report by PTA was also very positive bh.
Op, maybe your kid has an issue and the teachers have a hard time pin pointing exactly what it is and just blaming it on immaturity.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:16 am

thunderstorm wrote:

Her daughter is 8, how mature do you have to be at 8 years old ? Btw , happy to hear that it worked out with your son bh.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:18 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

Her daughter is 8, how mature do you have to be at 8 years old ? Btw , happy to hear that it worked out with your son bh.

maturity based on the age of her peers and classmates. Maturity as in what is appropriate behavior for that age.

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:22 am

OP, does your daughter have friends?

Does your daughter complain about school?

If the answers to above are Yes and No, than I would not worry about it.

But do work out with teacher how many questions are acceptable.

thanks

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ask the teacher how she plans to handle the many questions and how she plans to motivate your daughter to get her work done. It's her job.

You can suggest limiting the number of questions, but she needs to set the limit for the class, not you.

teachkids

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 1:29 pm

They might not intend for you to do anything now, but mentioning it so that if it continues for the next few years, you aren't surprised when the 5th grade teacher mentions it and it's time to go for an evaluation. I'm not saying that's the case here. But often, the older elementary/ middle School teachers have parents claiming "no one ever said that before" so schools do encourage younger teachers to mention it just in case it develops into something more

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 1:50 pm

Was told the same thing about my 5 year old.

amother

Tan

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 2:27 pm

im a teacher and I also teach 8 year olds. if I tell a parent that their child shows signs of immature behaviour, that can mean

she cries in the mornings
cannot handle problems/ stress appropriately
gets less done than peers (not necessarily cognitive issues)
cant wait till its her turn
find it hard to find compromises
needs extra attention (if NOT diagnosed with add/adhd etc. )

I would suggest the poarents to paly bord games and jigsaws to train her patience and teach her to find solutions/compromises/concentration
I would also try to find more help durcing lesson tim e , maybe a collegue can join sometimes and give her some attention.

also sometimes physical excercise during classtime can relieve tension and POSITIVE reinforcement.

I would ask the parents to come again in 6 weeks time and discuss progress/development

sorry for my poor english

oneofakind

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 2:31 pm

It sounds like your daughter is unhappy so start investigating there. The teachers can't pinpoint so they call it immaturity but it is a red flag for you. You can ask the principal for further direction. They aren't trained to diagnose but could make recommendations.

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