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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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Bruria

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 2:45 pm

Talk to your daughter as well, asks her about her day, about teachers and other students. Maybe she can tell you what she does that is bothering the teachers, or what the teachers or others are doing that is bothering her.

See if this is something you observe at home or not.

amother

Jade

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:34 pm

If she’s not getting things done on time maybe they mean her executive function is poor and she should be evaluated for ADD?

thanks

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:43 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

I would suggest the parents to play board games and jigsaws to train her patience and teach her to find solutions/compromises/concentration
I would also try to find more help during lesson time , maybe a colleague can join sometimes and give her some attention.

also sometimes physical exercise during class-time can relieve tension and POSITIVE reinforcement.

I would ask the parents to come again in 6 weeks time and discuss progress/development

sorry for my poor english

You sound like an excellent teacher. I really like your suggestions, and the follow up that you recommend.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:53 pm

[quote="amother [ Jade ]"]If she’s not getting things done on time maybe they mean her executive function is poor and she should be evaluated for ADD?[/quote

Not getting things done on time can just mean low processing speed, not necessarily ADD or that all her executive functions are poor. Shouldn't discard the possibility that it's emotional immaturity not necessarily anything to do with her intellect.

banana123

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 3:58 pm

She asks too many questions - maybe the teacher doesn't feel up to answering them? Doesn't know how to answer them?

That's certainly not why her work isn't getting done in a timely manner. Most probably, the work isn't getting done because your daughter doesn't like doing her work. Or, perhaps, she doesn't understand what the teacher is teaching, because the teacher can't explain it. Or, perhaps, she is bored and therefore not doing her work.

Why don't you ask your daughter why she's not doing her work?

amother

Brunette

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 5:40 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

im a teacher and I also teach 8 year olds. if I tell a parent that their child shows signs of immature behaviour, that can mean

she cries in the mornings
cannot handle problems/ stress appropriately
gets less done than peers (not necessarily cognitive issues)
cant wait till its her turn
find it hard to find compromises
needs extra attention (if NOT diagnosed with add/adhd etc. )

I would suggest the poarents to paly bord games and jigsaws to train her patience and teach her to find solutions/compromises/concentration
I would also try to find more help durcing lesson tim e , maybe a collegue can join sometimes and give her some attention.

also sometimes physical excercise during classtime can relieve tension and POSITIVE reinforcement.

I would ask the parents to come again in 6 weeks time and discuss progress/development

sorry for my poor english

Amother Tan! You sound like an excellent teacher! Great advice.

Off topic, but I cant DM you so perhaps you can advise me as well.

I have the opposite problem. My daughter is 5 and way too mature. She enjoys speaking to the teachers more than her peers. She finds a lot of the girls "immature" in her words "They are babyish, dont listen to the teacher etc."

How can I help her let go of her perfectionism, her high standards and maturity to just have a good time, and interact appropriately with the girls her age?

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 8:34 pm

I'd definitely see if I could get a psycho-evaluation work up done. I also was told immaturity for one of my kids which may be partially an issue but was really a misunderstanding of a real processing issue that I as a parent noticed, and test results showed that. Once put in that light to get the support needed to deal with processing weaknesses, some of what was considered to be immaturity (maybe that asking of a lot of questions in your case?) was reframed and it made sense in context....the fact that my child was not following certain instructions was not due to immaturity and desire to comply but the fact that not all the instructions had been processed to the fullest extent. And it turns out when researching that being labeled immature was really a red flag for something like this. There is a whole spectrum of LD and NVLD and they are hard to pinpoint but I wouldn't rush to ADD or anything like that; just try to get a good evaluation to find the next steps in helping your daughter....whether it's in functioning in an academic setting, whether it's in speech/language development, whether it's in emotional/social skills....

Good luck!

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 8:34 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Hi, I am a SEIT.

In a class of 20+ there should be at least 1-2 more "mature" girls. Ask the teacher to suggest which girls might be compatible.

Also, there are neighbors on the block. Your daughter can play with girls who are
a year older.

Often "mature" girls enjoy playing with younger children so they can be
the "teacher" or the "mother".

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 8:42 pm

Interesting, my mature ones I have not seen to be an issue -- they naturally gravitated as #BestBubby said to older ones and yes, they love playing in the teacher role. I didn't find it to be a problem that required my intervention, as they were mature enough to figure it out for themselves. But I honestly don't remember when those specific ones were 5.

amother

Oak

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 8:54 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Sometimes what appears to be maturity is actually some form of anxiety, or a combination of other factors.

urban gypsy

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 9:26 am

thunderstorm wrote:

He got insulted easily by people’s comments and would sulk for long periods of time in a tantruming kind of way. When I had him repeat ninth grade we noticed the change in him. He was finally on the social level of his peers.

This is fascinating! My daughter is exactly like this. She is top of the class academically but has difficultly with self regulation and socially. Whose idea was it to repeat the grade? How were you allowed to repeat for social reasons alone? Especially if he was already younger?

@amother Tan, what excellent advice!!! My daughter HATES board games and will cheat relentlessly at them, or flip the board if things aren't going her way Can't Believe It

I wonder if it is all connected with her interpersonal challenges... I will make a point of playing with her more often.... what a great and useful suggestion.

thunderstorm

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 10:23 am

urban gypsy wrote:

I wonder if it is all connected with her interpersonal challenges... I will make a point of playing with her more often.... what a great and useful suggestion.

My son also did well academically. That wasn’t his issue. He switched high schools after 9th grade so he just started in the new high school in 9th grade again.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 10:48 am

#BestBubby wrote:

If BOTH teachers said DD is immature - maybe there is an issue. OTOH could be one teacher pressured the other teacher to back her up. Did any previous teachers have issues with your daughter?

Don't make a big deal about it. Tell your daughter that too many questions are disruptive to the class. Ask the teacher how many questions per day are OK (which is half a day). Asking too many questions was discussed recently in Yated's Chinuch Round Table and the experts said giving a definite limit to the number of questions asked per day or per lesson.

If both teachers said it independently, it probably is the case that she is immature. But more than likely teacher #1 went and discussed it with teacher #2 and this is why they are both saying the same thing.

amother

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 11:01 am

Op here. Anyone know where in Brooklyn I would go to have her evaluated to see if it’s a real issue? Or do I just wait another year and see if with different teachers things are different?
The one example I got was that they got a sheet of multiplication examples and instead of starting right away (because it was to test speed) she looked through the whole sheet and then pointed out to the teacher that there was a double of one equation.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 11:16 am

That example doesn't bother me at all. My kids would do the same thing at 8. Mature or not....just the difference might be how they would phrase it probably Smile

What kinds of questions is she asking, though, that make them think she's immature?

Bruria

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 11:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The fact that she noticed the double of one equation shows that she is paying attention to it.If you ask her to do something at home , does she start right away or procrastinates? How do you feel about what the teachers said? Do you agree? Because sometimes it's just the teacher and child dynamics, not necessarily an issue. If the teacher power struggles a lot with her, could be the reason why she's acting this way..

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 12:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think that is quite intelligent.

Do NOT get her evaluated. These evaluations are not as valid as people think.
When you are trained to look for problems, you can find problems in ANYBODY
(and I am a SEIT).

If teachers next year raise issues, then have DD evaluated.

amother

Tan

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 1:42 pm

dear brunette,

a mature child will sometimes know how to handle the fact that most of the class will be less mature, for example she can help slower students understand the tasks...

she can always be given additional advanced work, she shouldnt be bored, while others copy a text she should fill in blanks, add sentences and find spelling mistakes while copying the same text. or translate the passage, ...

she can be in charge of things others would be overwhelmed with.

it is also impotant to note that she should have responsibilities outside the class (extracurricular) but within the class she shouldnt stand out. in my class EVERYONE is special becuase EVERYONE gets extra tasks. ( some are very very sipmle for the immature ones to have a positive experience and some are tricky for the mature, but the kids wont know cos thats not discussed, they just get their extras according to what I think suits them)

keep her occupied - thats the key. keep her SOCIALLY occupied not only cognitively.
my son is VERY mature. when he told me he is sitting and waiting half the lesson time for the other immature children to finish their task and he is bored I answered: im happy you find most lessons easy that shows me that you are concentrated and take class seriously. it is NOT for you to judge whether a child is mature or not, thats for the professional ie the teacher to figure out and I dont want you to discuss these things. I made sure to speak to his teachers and asked them to keep him occupied and I made sure he understood that being mature means to accept others.

classes are heterogenous we NEED to individualise so that the bright mature kids dont fgeel like they are super special and the immature suffer / are overwhelemd ch´v´ch feel stupid.

in my class when some child says: xy is so bright comapred to me , or xy is so stupid ... I have my standard answer: arent I a lucky teacher to have 22 super special girls around every day each and every one created in a special way! if you were identical I wouldnt mind if one would be missing, but beacuse you are all different I would miss each one of you. WE DONT JUDGE AND DONT COMPARE. its an art to get along socially, lets try to make this road enjoyable.

and well sometimes it yields fruits and sometimes it doesnt. definitely catch them where they stand intellectually, challenge the ones that need it, go slower with those who need more repetition etc.,AND socially work had on middos (through team games, riddles, group exercises, fun activities..).

oh and if the parents join in and make sure that immature kids have a safe environment to develop playfully without pressure at home and fast learners can get music classes, additional languages or sports- then we are set for success Smile

all the above is a very idealistic approach I know. but hey, I like being naive sometimes, it makes it much easier to handle the everyday routine of class room reality .

please forgive my english mistakes, its not my language Wink

urban gypsy

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 1:45 pm

Tan I wish you were my children's teacher Crying

Your students are very blessed!

saboni

Tue, Dec 17 2019, 2:26 pm

Amother tan you sound like a fantastic teacher! Excellent advice!

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