I prefer cash, no matter the amount!

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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Would you prefer a small cash gift over any other item?

Yes, cash is king no matter the amount

61%

[ 49 ]

No, I'd rather have a gift than a small amount of cash

38%

[ 31 ]

Total Votes : 80

watergirl

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:08 am

cozyblanket wrote:

I don't think $18 is tiny.

Neither do I. I see it as someone wants to give something and this is what they can give.

chestnut

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:14 am

Ruchel wrote:

as a gift no!! as a sum don't give me that

Wow! I'm at a loss for words (doesn't happen often).

keym

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:24 am

For under$20, I like to give gift cards. Target and Amazon are my favorite depending on if the recepient is a no internet user (like Rebbeim).
I feel it has more of a gifty feel than plain cash.
But Target or Amazon are versatile. They could buy themselves that splurge that they want, or they could use it for diapers and toilet paper necessities and it will actually help their finances.

amother

Coral

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:31 am

Cash versus gift really depends.

I do understand why people feel reluctant to give cash in the same amount as they might have spent on a gift. Many people are gifting because they HAVE TO rather than because they sincerely want to gift with something that they know the person will love or need.

That's how you wind up with all of these ugly or non-functional items that people gift because they were either purchased on sale or are regifts. Example would be the $10 blankets given because a gift of $10 would be a bit ridiculous.

The same could be said about gifts for simchas. In my circles, the expectation is that one will give a fairly substantial present if one is invited to a simcha of importance - BM or wedding. But that is also because the generally include only relatively close friends, family etc. I know this has been discussed ad nauseam on various threads but typically the expectation is that the gift somehow reflects the cost of the meal. I don't mean that it's a straight dollar for dollar transaction but in general one doesn't show up at a catered wedding with a $10 check. Of course, any gift is welcome but at least in my circles, it would be extremely odd and one would feel odd at such an inexpensive gift.

Therefore, one might desperately look for something on sale that didn't have such a definitive "value" that could be assigned to it. If you give $20 in cash people know how much you gave exactly - if you managed to find something on sale at a really good price that same $20 gift is more ambiguous in value.

Of course, I think most people would prefer cash to buy exactly what they want versus receiving unwanted useless items. But people aren't necessarily rational economically when it comes to gifts and therefore the practice of gifting unwanted tchotchkes will continue.

I truly think that it is the thought that matters - one of the workers in my building regularly brings me a very small present when he goes on a trip to his native country. I don't want, need or use any of the items and give them to my housekeeper. I know it gives him pleasure to be able to do this just as it gives me pleasure to write a large check for him for his winter present.

ETA - In terms of gifting, I am much more likely to buy a gift that is perfect for a friend or family member when I see it because I hate having the pressure of attempting to find a gift for an occasion. Younger children are easy of course - older family members and money or an amazon gift certificate makes more sense. With girlfriends, unless I have found something that I know she will love, I am much more likely to treat her to lunch or dinner at a great restaurant.

Raisin

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:33 am

I think a thoughtful gift (eg a really good food processor, an excellent garlic press, a very good quality set of knives of measuring cups, serving dishes you know are to the recepients taste,) with a gift receipt, is not a bad way to go for weddings.

I treasure the set of cutlery my great aunt gave me.

For teachers I almost always give gift cards or book tokens. Usually a group gift with other mothers. Or I sometimes get chocolate. Today I gave a book token since the teacher is vegan. My husband teaches and I used to and we really don't need the chatchkes people give. Like 2 mugs, or plants. Wine or kosher chocolate is fine though. (I just regift non kosher chocolate to non Jewish people)

watergirl

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:45 am

One year I worked at a camp and the whole tipping thing was very mandatory (dont get me started). I got a beautiful card and three scratch off tickets with a note - I wish I could give you more, I hope you win! Something along those lines. It was so meaningful. The same year, another mother had me stand there while she wrote out a check for me and sighed as she handed it over. I tried to stop her a few times... she clearly was struggling to give it. I would rather what people can afford to give with a full heart than anything else.

For chanukah, my kids rebbes get $18 and a nice letter. The school does a group cash gift for the secular teachers. I hope none of the rebbes look too far down on the heartfelt $18 we can give them.

Bleemee

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 9:52 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

And don't get me started on people who purposefully register for certain items at expensive stores planning to return those items in advance to use the money to buy the item at a cheaper store and make a "profit"

Wow, this made me feel naive. Who thinks of these things? Very Happy

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 10:05 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

I have had numerous debates with friends who disagree with me for probably close to 20 years lol. So I am not going to change my mind on this. I strongly feel when people start listing gifts they want and expect people to buy it sets up a subconscious feel of entitlement (I've had friends complain to me that nobody bought certain items on their registry --the more expensive ones-- as though this was a valid complaint to have instead of just plain bratty). Tacky is the kindest word I have for it.
And don't get me started on people who purposefully register for certain items at expensive stores planning to return those items in advance to use the money to buy the item at a cheaper store and make a "profit"

I mean, as a generalization, you are just wrong. Given that in some communities (mine) it’s expected that for wedding that people are going to make a registry - it’s impossible to consider it people acting with a sense of entitlement. You see that, because you are looking to see that.

As for ‘strategic registry’ - it’s unethical to use a shop like that. As for me as the gift giver - what do I care. I purchased something in my price range.

Amarante

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 10:25 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I am relieved when there is a registry because I know that I will be giving exactly what the person wants or needs.

In my experience, the gifts chosen reflect the economic levels of the people. Middle class people don’t register at Tiffany’s for example because they don’t expect their guests to be spending $1000 or more. They register at the stores where they generally would be purchasing items because they genuinely need the items they are registered for.

When my niece was recently married, the registry was at a website that consolidates so multiple stores are on the registry. It made it much simpler to pick exactly what you wanted and spend exactly how much you wanted to spend. It was very nice to know these were the towels or whatever she really wanted. And the prices ranged from inexpensive with the most expensive being a set of cookware. The stores were places like West Elm, Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Since it was a niece I wrote a check because that is what we typically do in my family for close relatives. And since she is a close niece it was a substantial check so ironically there wasn’t anything on her registry that was that expensive lol. But I knew that the money would be as useful to her as a gift she had registered for.

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 11:51 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

It's an expectation in mine, too. But I heard enough complaints etc to be turned off from it. I do care.
Maybe I just have spoiled friends. Lol.

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 11:55 am

Bleemee wrote:

Wow, this made me feel naive. Who thinks of these things? Very Happy

Yes, the first time I heard of this I was shocked. A 19 year old friend's chosson told her that's what all the guys in yeshiva do when they get engaged. She was impressed with the financial genius of it, I refrained from telling her how tacky it was cuz I didn't want to criticize her chosson. But I've certainly heard of many others doing this since so it wasn't isolated.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:02 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

It's an expectation in mine, too. But I heard enough complaints etc to be turned off from it. I do care.
Maybe I just have spoiled friends. Lol.

People can just as easily complain that Mr. and Mrs. so and so only gave a $136 check as opposed to $200. The same personality - nothing to do with the registry.

If you don't do registries, and you don't want people to know what you spend - what do you? Homemade gifts?

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:03 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

It violates halacha.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:07 pm

Giving gifts doesn't make sense from a purely economic perspective, but there is a strong social reason for it.

Amarante

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:15 pm

Seems as though "strategic buying" could backfire since most people have an amount they want to spend and so they would just select a less costly item - assuming they used the registry.

Also you don't have to use the registry if the item is a fungible item. If someone has registered for a KA appliance, for example, if I wanted to gift them with same, I would get it at the best price possible.

The only time you actually need to purchase from the specific store is when it is an item with a particular style like linens or bedsheets. Most dishes are available from multiple stores but I don't think those tend to be widely discounted such that registry arbitrage makes much financial profit.

What "expensive' stores are they registering in? For housewares, William Sonoma tends to be a bit pricier than Bed Bath and Beyond but hardly the stuff on which fortunes are made when one returns an item. I doubt this is rampant because all the registries I am familiar with are at middle class stores unless the families run in extremely wealthy circles and so they are registering at Tiffanys - but even those people will include less expensive stores and options in their registries.

Skippy!!

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:33 pm

I've bought many people baby presents, from their registries. I know an amount that I'm willing to spend and sometimes buy multiple items from the registry if there is no item for the amount I'm willing to spend. I love it when people have registries, I know I'm spending money on something that the person wants.

meyerlemon44

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 2:01 pm

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

I work in a public school and have been gifted enough non-kosher chocolate to open my own store.
Thank you to the families who gave me gift cards!

You reminded me that I used to babysit for a family who kept cholov yisroel. The mother was a Hebrew school teacher at Chabad, and would get lots of cholov stam candy from her kids' parents--which all went to me!

meyerlemon44

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 2:03 pm

Ruchel wrote:

as a gift no!! as a sum don't give me that

I understand feeling insulted if a very close person who can afford more gives you a small amount, but generally you should feel and show gratitude for every penny someone gives you.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 2:53 pm

These gifts seem transactional rather than heartfelt. I don't like it. I rather give something because it is right for the person. I don't like a.m. expectation because dinner is this much, you must give that much.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 3:02 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

Its a lot of work to find the right gift for the person - most of us aren't blessed with that much time. You're very lucky.

Is this theoretical - or do you give custom gifts all the time? If its not heartfelt - do you just skip the gift giving all together?

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