Tips for Rabbi versus teachers

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 9:04 am

I know it’s a topic that comes up every year. So I’ll be the one to start it this year.

I really don’t have an expectations if my students tipping for chanuka. I’ve written it on other posts. I don’t love the kids that bring tips more than those who don’t. I certainly wouldn’t want it to add a financial strain to parents.

But... I really don’t understand the vast difference in amounts in tipping teachers and rebbis. I give my sons rebbi at least 100 twice a year. I give it because I appreciate him and his work so so much!!
I have gotten tips for $10, 20, or 25. Once I had a kid bringing (gosh) $36. It would be ludicrous for a girl to bring $100 for a teacher. Please don’t take it the wrong way. I really appreciated every note, gift , or dollar amount. I took this job knowing how much I’m getting paid and I don’t expect more then that. I just don’t understand the difference.

Some years I was able to take all my students tips combined and spend it all on tips for my one sons rebbi and bus driver.

Why?? I taught these kids how to read!! I love each kid so much! My job overtakes my life. I came home from my sister wedding, put the kids to sleep, and then sat down to prepare for the next day.

I know that rebbis don’t get paid much. I do think they get paid more per hour than a teacher(which doesn’t say much).

So yes, I feel hurt knowing that my students parents are giving 5x the amount to their sons rebbi. I feel like I’m not valued the same way.

Rant over.

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 4:03 pm

I wrote this post in the morning before going to work. Well now I know how much I actually got in tips. I got a $100 gift card from all parents together. Yes I am happy to have $100 more dollars. It just proved my point. I gave 100 for my 1 sons rebbi. And another 50 for his driver. In what world does that make sense?

Cookiegirl

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 4:41 pm

I truly believe the next "crisis" is going to be the Jewish Education crisis...this is not sustainable. Teachers in Jewish schools should be paid at least as much as teachers in public schools (even if they won't get all the lifetime pension benefits etc), and then these tips would not matter as much.

OP- on behalf of your students, thanks for your hard work.

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:02 pm

agreer wrote:

It's sad, but really, at the end of the day, it's the man's responsibility to provide for his family. So rebbeim get more tips than moros. That's it.

So you don’t tip based on your appreciation level??
If your in a restaurant tipping a waiter do you find out if it’s their responsibility to feed their kids or if they are living at their parents??
I love my job, but I don’t work for fun.

Again to clarify, I don’t think parents need to tip me more. I am upset about the difference between rebbis and teachers.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Would anyone ever think of giving $5 to a rebbi?

I think PLENTY of parents would love to give that, but are ashamed or embarrassed.

Our school has class mothers for the girl's teachers and boys' moros, but it is "assur" to arrange a collective gift for the rebbe! Instead, every parent has to give his own gift.

It's so sad.

agreer

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Nope. I DO NOT tip based on appreciation level. I tip because that's what is expected of me, thanks to society. And I try to blend in.

I'm not excusing the behavior; I am just providing a rationale.

Believe you me, I'd love to give a $20 tip to the rebbi.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:08 pm

In the chassidish world, the rebbeim teach the boys for about 7 hours a day while the teachers only teach them about 3-4 hours for limudei kodesh and same for limudei chol. also, the girls attend school 5 days a week while the boys have a six day school week. Additionally, the boys hardly ever get any vacation while the girls get many days off. Think of erev pesach, chanukah, end of school year etc. So for chassidishe parents there may be a reason for the larger tip for rebbi's because they do give a lot more of their time for your child than the morah does.

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:13 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

It’s the first time I got money collectively. Personally I’d rather get separately 5 and 10 dollars from students. Then it usually has a note attached that is personal.

I know I’m sounding a bit greedy here but it’s the first time I’m at this school and to get one envelope with hundred dollars and one note from “everybody” bothered me. I don’t know who wrote the poem. Looks like something that they used the year before. It wasn’t signed off. I wish I would’ve at least gotten appreciation.

In my previous school I didn’t get more money but I did get more recognition. One kid brought me a donut with a note that she wrote. Another $10 and a note from her parents...
And I give every rebbi so much more that it triggered something within me

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:19 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

I definitely hear this point. So give me half. Or let’s talk about a quarter. But your equation doesn’t justify giving 10 for a teacher and hundred for rebbi. It just doesnt

Raisin

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:26 pm

I think it is so unfair too. It does make sense that a teacher who teaches less time then a rebbi should get less money, but not a tiny fraction of what the Rebbi gets.

I also don't like the way joint gifts mean teachers get so much less. I used to buy €10 or €15 gift cards for my kids teachers twice a year, or a gift costing say €10. The last couple of years a parent arranges a joint gift and asks for €5 from each parent. I am not rich but I would happily give €10 or even more. My kids school is not a fee paying school and parents are mostly well off middle class people so its not a financial thing at all.

OTOH if no one arranges a class gift I think only a few parents think to buy one at all. I am sure the teacher would prefer one nice gift voucher then a plant, a box of chocolates and a vase.

Also feeling guilt that I didn't get my son to write a thank you note although we did a joint gift.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:32 pm

agreer wrote:

It's sad, but really, at the end of the day, it's the man's responsibility to provide for his family. So rebbeim get more tips than moros. That's it.

Up to year 1965 maybe.
I don't mean you. I know that this is what society believed. But this hasn't been true for decades.

Raisin

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:33 pm

agreer wrote:

It's sad, but really, at the end of the day, it's the man's responsibility to provide for his family. So rebbeim get more tips than moros. That's it.

??????

Really? Women are not working to pay tuition and buy food for their kids? What do you think OP (and all the other working mothers on this site) are doing with their paychecks? Buying handbags?

And if your kids teacher is a single mother with no other income do you give her very large tips?

amother

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:53 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Personally, I think the whole tipping thing should be abolished. But once the system is in place, I do agree with you OP that it is unfair that men get more.

Why should it be abolished? Why is everything all or nothing. Why can it be that everyone can give or not give as much or as little as they want. Why should a parent feel embarrassed to give $20 to a rebbi and why should a parent feel forced into giving for a teacher because the class is collecting.

Why can we be more genuine and you feel an extra appreciation to your child’s caregiver you can express it in whichever way you’d like

thunderstorm

Tue, Dec 24 2019, 5:59 pm

I give according to my means . If I have the money I’ll tip the rebbeim and teachers equally. This year I don’t even have $5 to give each rebbe or teacher . So I will be writing a letter of appreciation without anything enclosed. I just hope I won’t be resented for it. My other option would be to borrow money to give tips which makes no sense to me at all at the moment.