Presents that chosson give a kallah

amother

Sat, Dec 28 2019, 11:17 pm

Hi all
I hope you are able to help me out. Im from out of town, (different country) my son is a chosen to a girl in lakewood.
Besides the regular gifts, siddur tehilm machzorim and candlesticks
What else do I need to give my new kalla?
(this is for throughout the engagement, and we are litvish if that makes a difference) I want to try and do tbe normal thing...
Ty!

gdgirl

Sat, Dec 28 2019, 11:22 pm

bracelet upon engagement, engagement ring, ( maybe those were already done if he is engaged) some give a "kallah" watch, flowers for shabbos kallah, necklace for yichud room

amother

Babypink

Sat, Dec 28 2019, 11:46 pm

I'm sefardic so it's probably different. But I also got a a challa cover..nice wallet and some get nice duffle bag ... perfumes.. sunglasses .. hadlakat nerot book . But idk about ashkenazim...

amother [ OP ] wrote:

amother

Plum

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 1:30 am

Is it possible to buy the jewelry at a frum US jewelry shop? DH is also from another country and I never liked my diamond ring, necklace, and earrings since they were purchased in his native country. My diamond is tiny and the setting was very plain and not my taste at all (has been reset since). My earrings were an ugly mobe pearl set in yellow gold, instead of the sparkly diamond and white gold earrings that most kallahs get. I'm married for 18 years, and still feel gypped. Please don't do that to your kallah.

watergirl

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 8:16 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

Sounds like you had more expensive taste and you received more simple (ie affordable) items. Are you sure this is because of cultural norms and not because this is what they could afford?

amother

Amber

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 8:25 am

You feel gyped? Seriously?
You’re married 18 years. Styles have changed.
I received items that were chosen for me. I said thank you. Years later I changed a setting, dipped another.

For our kallahs we chose a price range and told them to go choose what they like

OP- if she has a birthday coming up, or for chanuka you can get her a cape, gloves, walket or any nice item.
But basically its jewelry, machzorim,siddur and leichter and flowers

amother

Plum

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 8:49 am

watergirl wrote:

Sounds like you had more expensive taste and you received more simple (ie affordable) items. Are you sure this is because of cultural norms and not because this is what they could afford?

Yes, I'm sure! Rolling Eyes

All I wanted was what all the kallahs around me got. I don't have expensive taste at all.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 8:55 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

Yes, I'm sure! Rolling Eyes

All I wanted was what all the kallahs around me got. I don't have expensive taste at all.

I actually do believe you.

Unfortunately kallahs are in a very vulnerable position. Small things like this can be triggering at such a time

I am the last person in the world to.care about gifts or jewlwey. Literally the last. When I think of my kallah gifts ( or lack thereof) it's still triggering much time later.

watergirl

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:07 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

Yes, I'm sure! Rolling Eyes

All I wanted was what all the kallahs around me got. I don't have expensive taste at all.

I understand its disappointing. But if thats all they could afford, then there is nothing else to do. Its not wise for a family to take on even more debt to give a kallah something they cant afford.

amother

Plum

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:12 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Exactly!
I can totally relate. I am not a jewelry person either. But still would've been nice to have nice, or somewhat comparable gifts, as my friends and acquaintances.

amother

Plum

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:13 am

watergirl wrote:

I understand its disappointing. But if thats all they could afford, then there is nothing else to do. Its not wise for a family to take on even more debt to give a kallah something they cant afford.

I said it was not due to money.

watergirl

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:17 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

I said it was not due to money.

I dont see where you said that.

In any case, I also didn't get these “expected” kallah gifts. A BT married to a BT. When you take a different look at it, its all silly and causes so much pain. I’m sorry for yours.

amother

Plum

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:20 am

watergirl wrote:

You asked me if I'm sure that it was due to cultural norms and not due to lack of money and I said I'm sure.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:26 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

Exactly!
I can totally relate. I am not a jewelry person either. But still would've been nice to have nice, or somewhat comparable gifts, as my friends and acquaintances.

Yep. I wasn't even looking or comparing what my friends got. I didn't care enough to notice.

I am not going to bother responding to all the posters ( who were never treated this way) who will be quick to call me spoiled entitled, demanding etc etc etc

It's humorous how quick others are quick to judge others who were in a situation they were spared.

To all the imas who want jump to say gifts and jewelry are dumb. Id have said that two until I was engaged. I've learned the hard way. I hope you don't have to

watergirl

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:28 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

You asked me if I'm sure that it was due to cultural norms and not due to lack of money and I said I'm sure.

My apologies.

amother

Amber

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:35 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Yep. I wasn't even looking or comparing what my friends got. I didn't care enough to notice.

I am not going to bother responding to all the posters ( who were never treated this way) who will be quick to call me spoiled entitled, demanding etc etc etc

It's humorous how quick others are quick to judge others who were in a situation they were spared.

[b]To all the imas who want jump to say gifts and jewelry are dumb. Id have said that two until I was engaged. I've learned the hard way. I hope you don't have to

[b]

NOT stupid or dumb at all. All kallas should receive gifts. And it would be nice to let them choose to their taste. However when you receive something that is not what you expected ( and yes it is a disappointment),it shouldn’t eat you up for the rest of your lives.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:43 am

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Says who?

Have you been in such a situation? If not I can understand why it's so easy for you to say that.

Not to nitpink- plum di dnt say it eats her up. I doubt She thinks about it everyday or let's it affect her emotional health.

She just feels gypped. Which is understandable

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:45 am

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

You asked me if I'm sure that it was due to cultural norms and not due to lack of money and I said I'm sure.

Yeah I agree I'd it's due to lack of money is much more understandable and easy to forgive

By me also there was no shortage of money. They just felt jewelry and gifts were frivolous and unneccessary

SuperWify

Sun, Dec 29 2019, 10:40 am

You can give something small for Chanukah (wallet, bag, perfume ect)

Bracelet at engagement

Ring at vort

Shabbos candlesticks

Set of machzorim

Flowers (sometimes earrings or watch as well) for shabbos kallah

Pendant necklace in yichud room