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Presents that chosson give a kallah
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 10:50 am
Wow, all I can say is wow.
So not the community I live in and not a community I would want to be part of.

I got a ring, and my Chatan sent flowers to my Shabbos Kallah.
My grandmother bought me my candlesticks and my parents my shaital. The end.
I was and still am happy with that.
Over the years, my husband has bought me jewelry and each piece is special, because he loves me and wanted me to have something, non of it is Magia-Lee.
I understand that you want what your friends have and feel bad when you don't, but why does any 20 year old need diamond necklaces and bracelets and earrings and watches..... There is a wedding to be payed for and a household to be set up. To me this is sounding like shtuss and keeping up with the Joneses. It is because everyone else has, not because you want to or can afford. Stop looking in people's pockets! How did this even start?
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 10:54 am
amother [ Lavender ] wrote:
Wow, all I can say is wow.
So not the community I live in and not a community I would want to be part of.

I got a ring, and my Chatan sent flowers to my Shabbos Kallah.
My grandmother bought me my candlesticks and my parents my shaital. The end.
I was and still am happy with that.
Over the years, my husband has bought me jewelry and each piece is special, because he loves me and wanted me to have something, non of it is Magia-Lee.
I understand that you want what your friends have and feel bad when you don't, but why does any 20 year old need diamond necklaces and bracelets and earrings and watches..... There is a wedding to be payed for and a household to be set up. To me this is sounding like shtuss and keeping up with the Joneses. It is because everyone else has, not because you want to or can afford. Stop looking in people's pockets! How did this even start?


Seriously not the point of this thread. Op asked for the norm in the mainstream Litvish circles. You obviously are not part of these circles.

You can start a spinoff thread where you can preach all you want because it’s so much more fun and easy to look down and belittle others then to look inward and judge thyself.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 11:16 am
I got a bracelet, ring, necklace for my birthday that was during engagement (costume), pearl necklace in the yichud room. Candle sticks with a tray (inexpensive, just something that looked nice) and a hadlakas neiros card. They got flowers for the vort but they might have done that anyway because they like flowers. At least some of it was paid for by my husband but I don’t know the breakdown.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 11:21 am
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:
Says who?

[b]Have you been in such a situation? If not I can understand why it's so easy for you to say that.[b]

Not to nitpink- plum di dnt say it eats her up. I doubt She thinks about it everyday or let's it affect her emotional health.

She just feels gypped. Which is understandable


Yes. I was in that situation.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 11:42 am
Once heard in a shiur that before HKBH brought chava to Adam he placed 24 pieces of jewelry on her, braided her hair and beautified her.

Mah tovu ohalecha that we don't look at what other kallahs have. But also BH that we follow HKBH example and give to our kallahs what we can give within our means.

BTW I'm a BT and both me and my husband had been living in our own since we were Teens. We didn't really have a big support system. So we made our own wedding. I got a engagement ring and pearl earrings in yichud. Also a bottle of my favorite $$$$$ perfume in my bday. After seeing my FFB friends and the kind of expectations they have,I feel really greatful that hubby and I do/did everything in our own terms.

The most valuable things in life aren't things. But boy does it take these couples a loooong time to figure that out.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 12:00 pm
Bracelet upon engagement
Diamond ring
Some give a watch
Silver Candlesticks
Flowers for Vort and shabbos Kallah
Necklace in yichud room ( the style now is pendant. I got pearls 8 yrs ago)

I also got:
Leather machzorim, Siddur and tehilim
Diamond earrings for my birthday that fell out during the engagement
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:26 pm
You (or your son) should ask the kallah if she likes pearls. Today a lot of the girls say they don't particularly like pearls and get a diamond necklace instead. Although you should first make sure you can afford the diamond necklace.

Really nice matched pearls were about $800 last time we bought (a few years ago) although there are cheaper ones. I haven't priced diamond necklaces although of course they come in all price ranges.

It's also customary (in some circles, anyhow) when (if) the chosson goes to the in-laws for Shabbos to bring a gift which need not be expensive. One of ours got us a honey dish with a silver holdler.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Sun, Dec 29 2019, 9:49 pm
I sort of get feeling gypped.

I didn't get to pick out my leichter (long story) and the ones that were given are not my taste.

But KEEPING that feeling of being gypped is a choice, and not one I chose to make.

I am grateful that my in-laws got me silver leichter, and IY"H one day I will get myself a nice candelabra, have my leichter professionally cleaned, and offer them to my daughter.
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