EMDR for Preschoolers

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 2:31 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Has she worked with you on parenting skills to address the anxiety?

Also, what are some of the anxiety based behaviors? What does the anxiety look like? Also, what was the nature of the traumatic events in your child's life?

DC is very fearful in general, afraid of being alone, fear of being abandoned, afraid of closed doors, being alone in a room even if someone is in the next room, etc.
(Without going into many details) This started after a family member with mental health issues went through a time where they were displaying erratic behaviors and was somewhat out of control. It was a very unstable situation and Dc was affected by it all.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 3:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

These are a lot of attachment based anxieties and fears. Without knowing more, some of it may be age appropriate, and likely some from the family situation. The most healing work comes from reestablishing a secure attachment for him. How is his relationship with you? With his father? Would you say that you are closely attuned to him? Is his father closely attuned to him?

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 4:26 pm

You don't mention how long ago this situation occurred. If it was when he was 18 months this won't be relevant, but if it was recently enough that he was verbal at the time and remembers-have you ever talked to him about it? When kids experience a situation that's too much for them to process, it's like they have a hundred piece puzzle flying around in their head, which the end result is a trauma. When you help them tell and retell the story, it's like putting the puzzle pieces together and helping them make sense of what happened. I would start with that, if you haven't already.

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 5:35 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

It was not a single incident. Things were very unstable for many months. Now things are way more stable but still not completely all the time. I try my best to provide the most secure environment I can for my kids, but there is still someone important in their lives that isn't always in a good emotional state.
The extremely erratic behaviors dc repeatedly saw happened when Dc was very young- under 3. I don't think dc has a conscious recollection of things that went on as much as dc felt the tension all around and felt the loss when someone who'd been actively involved in Dc's life was suddenly physically there, but not still there at all. But I don't believe Dc can actually remember that this person was absent for a while. There are just lots of fears with many every day situations.
What I understood from my talk with the therapist, she wants to try EMDR to help with the fears dc has now; not with the (memories of the) time period that caused it. She said she'll have dc focus on the fear itself- a situation that makes DC feel fearful, and try to lessen the actual fear through EMDR. Does that make any sense?

amother

White

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In theory what she is saying sounds great, but EMDR is really intense. I’d be concerned about how it would leave my child after. If a person is not qualified or your child is not ready it can be very damaging and create more trauma. There are many options of therapies for children with anxiety I have taken my children to some of them. Sand tray, equine therapy (horses), play therapy, hypnotherapy, cbt geared for kids. I wouldn’t jump to EMDR without exhausting other options.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No,.this doesn't make sense. He is still a baby. The whole thing is completely off. Bringing up his fear directly in therapy like this will likely be overwhelming to his system and make therapy a very scary and traumatic place. She should be working with you to address his anxieties as a parent

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:28 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Dc will be 5 in a few months. Young, but not a baby.

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not much. I can't see how that would be very helpful for your dc. I would rather try play therapy, sand play therapy or something similar. I wouldn't even do CBT for this because all these behaviors are most likely coming from this situation when a stable person in DH's life suddenly wasn't emotionally present in the same way. That's possibly why DC, as you describe, has many fears related to being left abandoned and alone. Your child has no idea if you might suddenly become like that too, not in a conscious way bec it seems he doesn't have a conscious memory, but the fear can still be there.

By addressing this through a more hands-on therapy, you can bypass the talking, intellectual part of the therapy like CBT and EMDR would be, and address it through the creative, movement part of his brain. This can literally help him manipulate the trauma and move it out of his body, so to speak.

Does this resonate with you at all?

amother

Mauve

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 7:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Dc will be 5 in a few months. Young, but not a baby.

Four is still a baby when we are talking about a young child and his emotions. Separation anxiety makes a lot of sense in response to the upheaval in his life. His security has been tampered with and he feels like his attachment and stability is at risk.

Do you feel like you are attuned to him? Do you have a good sense of how he is feeling and why? What can you share about your relationship with him?

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 8:01 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Yes. I get that dc is very young, and I understand that the separation anxiety makes lots of sense given the situation.
I am attuned to some degree, but it's never enough - many times I feel like I wish I could understand dc better; before it turns into a meltdown.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 11:45 pm

I had EMDR done for my 6 year old with a trained child therapist. She had anxiety after a specific incident. It was a lifesaver! She was cleared after 6 sessions!
Find a licensed child therapist who works with trauma in children. If she recommends EMDR, then I would trust her.

And btw, EMDR is way more invasive in adults. We have more emotional memory that gets triggered in the process. This child doesn't sound so emotionally loaded. I can't see how EMDR can hurt him- if done right.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 08 2020, 7:00 pm

I am a therapist trained in EMDR and play therapy. There are protocols for preschool children and even for children who do not yet speak. This would be used in cases of single incident trauma, say a car accident, surgery, death of a family member, etc. Play therapy is combined with EMDR, and the EMDR looks very different than EMDR for adults. EMDR can be extremely effective in just a few sessions in these instances.
In your case, OP, since there was more of a cluster of incidents during a time period- I would likely opt to treat with play therapy with a strong attachment component.
I suggest you express your concerns to the therapist you are working with and ask about their rationale for using EMDR. As another poster suggested, ask about their training in EMDR- make sure they have completed parts 1 and 2. Optimally, they are certified or under ongoing consultation. You can also call Relief to ask whether they recommend this therapist, or if there is someone else whom you can see for a second opinion if you are thinking about seeing someone else.
Best of luck!

amother

Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:01 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Your reply was really helpful and practical. It does feel awkward to ask her about her specific training in this modality, but yeah, I gotta do it for my child. I know that in general, she constantly goes for trainings and stuff, but I'm not sure what her training is specifically with EMDR.