Difficult almost teen

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Post  Mon, Dec 30 2019, 4:29 pm
Most of my children are sweet, kind, loving children. One child of mine just isn't. I've been trying to figure out if I parented him any differently, or if I missed an opportunity to instill some sweetness in him, or if this is just the way he is.

I don't know how to deal with him.

He's so so mean! If one child says she's thirsty, he'll bark back, "Well maybe next time don't drink your whole water bottle!!" And then she starts crying, or says, "I didn't!" and there's a whole fight from absolutely nothing. And I'll tell him to stop it, and he'll say, "What did I do?! I didn't do anything!"

He acts like the parent to his other siblings, but a really mean, critical parent. He's not the oldest. He's the middle child. He'll constantly tell his other siblings not to do something, even though it's not bothering anyone but him. Don't sing, don't touch that, don't eat so much, etc.

We played a Chanukah game yesterday, and in the past few years it's been so fun! But this year he just made it out to be so unenjoyable, especially for me, that I think I won't do it anymore. He won amazing prizes, but the whole game he was nasty and critical and negative.

He yells back at me for everything I ask him to do, so I stopped asking. He never stops asking me for more, more more. He wants the most expensive things, and he fights and fights me when he doesn't get them. He doesn't give up, he doesn't let go. I bought him something on condition, and he refused to fulfill his condition once he got what he wanted. When I tell him I want the item back, he shoots back, "Pay me for them."

He loves my husband more than me. My husband is a kind person, and the way they bond is that he treats him like a super-adult. But then my husband is home very late, so he gets to bond with him after I've had him do his homework and his chores, and they learn together. I get the short end of the stick in terms of still having to be the parent. The down side of treating him like an adult is that he talks to ME like he's my superior. For example, he'll argue with me that I bought myself x, which costs y, and therefore I should give him z amount, because I have tons of money obviously. I had my husband yell at him about this when he witnesses it, but it doesn't happen in front of him often.

I've tried so much. I tried taking him out for just me-and-him-time, and he tells me that he's not interested in hanging out with me. I set him up to volunteer his time, and he really does like what he's doing, but only because the family he volunteers for gives him lots of gifts and is generally really easy. I've tried having him volunteer for other things, but the other kids don't like him because he's so bossy.

Last night, after our game, I went to bed and dreamed that he played hookey from school for two days because he wanted more expensive pants. And I started hitting and hitting him. I woke up, horrified and crying, because I do NOT hit my children. I ran to his room and kissed his forehead, and he shouted at me to stop waking him up and leave him alone.

I don't know what to do.
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Post  Mon, Dec 30 2019, 5:55 pm
Ouch. I feel your pain and frustration in your post. I’m sorry I can’t offer more then sympathy and find a chinuch mentor that can help you.
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