Mezinka dance | Imamother

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Mezinka dance

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amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:23 pm

My youngest sister (baby in the family) getting married in a few weeks. Would be so nice to do the broom dance, however we do have a divorced brother still home (may he merit a speedy yeshua) do we still do this merry dance, or forgo?

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:26 pm

"still home" as in living with your parents?

Ask his opinion.

polka dots

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:38 pm

I don’t k ow as I’m not in that situation, but I’d think that because he’s at the men’s side and your doing this by ladies it should be fine.

cbsp

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Since you're posting that it's a dilemma, maybe ask your LOR.

There are those that say the source is not based on our mesorah. That, coupled with the fact that you may be unintentionally causing pain to your brother (even if your brother nobly says it's ok) might help clarify things.

Mazal Tov!

jflower

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:41 pm

Think of how your brother would feel watching this dance. I imagine it would be very painful. Don't do it. When we gets married iyH, then you can consider it.

Just my opinion.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:41 pm

I think out of sensitivaty for your brother you should not. Nobody will miss it.
I would factor in how "big" of a dance your doing. If its a 5 minute small thing, its different than if it is a huge big deal.

amother

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:52 pm

[quote="amother [ Gray ]"]"still home" as in living with your parents?
Yes living with my parents. I know he'll prob answer graciously and say it's ok but I domt want to inadvertently cause him more pain. How else can we mark this occasion specifically in regard to her being the baby

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:54 pm

[quote="amother [ OP ]"]

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

"still home" as in living with your parents?
Yes living with my parents. I know he'll prob answer graciously and say it's ok but I domt want to inadvertently cause him more pain. How else can we mark this occasion specifically in regard to her being the baby

Maybe a cute gift given privately to your parents instead of a public showing. Like a golden broom trophy.

PinkFridge

Mon, Dec 30 2019, 6:55 pm

Is this a thing in your extended family? If not, I wouldn't do it. If yes, CYLOR.
And mazel tov! May everyone enjoy the simcha b'simcha!

amother

Babypink

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 5:38 am

No need to ask a Rav. There’s nothing halachic about dancing the Muzhinke. It’s just a quaint folk custom with no pretense to halachic basis Confused

. You don’t do it if you have an unmarried child regardless of where he lives or whether she was formerly married. The Muzhinke is the parents saying Hurrah! All our kids are paired off and settled! which is not the case if one of them is no longer paired off.

Question for the current age: what if one of the kids is openly “married” to a member of the same gender? Mad

amother

Yellow

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 7:03 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

No need to ask a Rav. There’s nothing halachic about dancing the Muzhinke. It’s just a quaint folk custom with no pretense to halachic basis Confused

When my mother's youngest brother got married my mother was divorced (with kids) and we did the mezinka.

Iymnok

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 7:40 am

Ask a rav before doing it. As I understand, it was a folk dance that relatively recently Jews started doing that may have pagan roots. That would make it assur. As Jews we do not celebrate our children leaving, rather we celebrate the new family member.

watergirl

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 7:46 am

Iymnok wrote:

This. A rav should be asked if the dance should be done at all, not if it should be done, seeing as there is a divorced child. A rav can only pasken on a halachic matter. Seeing as there is no halachic matter regarding WHEN the dance should be done and under what circumstances... not sure what people are suggesting the rav should pasken over in this thread.

I have seen people dancing with the parents once their kids have all been married off, but without the broom. Call it a mezinka if you want... it has a different connotation when there is a broom and when its just dancing to celebrate the parents. As far as I'm concerned, the parents should have their own honor/dance at every wedding, not just at the last one.

[quote="amother [ OP ]"]

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Why does this child being the baby have to be marked at all? Its obvious to anyone who knows her, which should be everyone present.

Last edited by watergirl on Tue, Dec 31 2019, 7:48 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 7:47 am

I’m the youngest. When I got married I still had a single brother. We did not dance with a broom at my wedding. But we did dance with a broom at my brothers wedding a year later.

PinkFridge

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 10:15 am

Iymnok wrote:

I think this is kind of like shlissel challah. If you have a mesorah for it, and it's been done in your family, why not. If not, don't.
Someone upthread said something about why the need to ask a rav but I'm with you. As someone is presumably doing this because she has a mesorah, why not ask a rav for clarity? It seems likely that since this is only a minhag, if even that, if it can be hurtful to a family member, it shouldn't be done.

cbsp

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 10:50 am

PinkFridge wrote:

FWIW, I think there are actual older sources for shlissel challah.

Mezinka seems to have no record of a Jewish source.

Rabbi Viener talks about it here :
http://www.torahstream.org/#/t....._5777

It's shiur number 7 (page 2 or 13 depending on sort order). Mezinka starts at 7:25 and goes to 12:15ish (the Rov responds to a member of the shiur after it sounds like the topic is done. There's a good explanation about the concept of bechukosaihem as well).

In my mind removing the potential for hurting a sibling (I'm sure the wedding itself might be triggering all sorts of emotions for the brother) outweighs the need to follow a (most likely pagan sourced but nonetheless treasured by some) minhag. The suggestion to consult with the Rov was so that there's a clear path forward in case other relatives "know better" than what the OP ultimately decides.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:00 pm

I would have been very hurt if my parents did this to me. Glad t obe rid of me? keep it to yourself

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 3:54 pm

Mezinke tantz comes from the peasants who would sponsor drinks for the town after marrying off the youngest child.

What we did instead was we put a wreath of flowers on the mothers head. Then every child gave the mom and grandmothers a white rose. The grandchildren then each gave the mom a rose. The kallah gave it last. She then took her mom's hand and danced with her, her siblings surrounding them. Then the siblings danced together with their mom.

You don't "chase out" your child. But you can give thanks to Hashem for marrying off all your children.

PinkFridge

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 6:46 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I would have been very hurt if my parents did this to me. Glad t obe rid of me? keep it to yourself

A friend of mine said that she's going to sweep her kids out the front door, and then run around to the back of the house to let them in through the back door ;-D
It's really a celebration of children surviving to adulthood and finding their zivug with whom to build a bnb.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 8:11 pm

Thanks everybody! Definitely something to think about

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