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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
12 year old out of control at bedtime



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 6:50 am
My 12 year old son is out of control at night. We've had this problem on and off his entire life, and it really goes beyond standard parenting. Rules, rewards, and consequences haven't helped. Right now, my son comes home from his very long day, reads on the couch, eats supper, does homework, plays a game. I call him up around 9 and he starts going into my 10 year old's room and wrestling with him, shrieking loudly, waking up the younger kids, running back and forth around the hallway, etc. The only way I can stop him is by literally standing in his room and guarding the door for a half hour, which is really hard because my baby usually needs me then.
Any suggestions? I think part of is finding an appropriate physical outlet for him. We don't have a basement, and he isn't motivated to play outside in the winter.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 8:13 am
12 is much too old for that sort of thing, and much too old for you to be policing him like that.
And 9 pm is very early bedtime for that age.
Is there any sort of physical activity or team sport he can join every evening? Hopefully it would tire him out.
And I wouldn't tell him to head for bed before ten if he's not tired.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:34 am
He IS tired. He acts like this when he's overtired. That's the problem.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:35 am
I can't afford any after school activities. If I could, it would be great
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:41 am
I agree that 9 pm is too early for a kid this age. I learned the hard way that putting them to sleep too early causes them to be up for long periods in their beds, which leads to too much thinking, which leads to anxiety. When I changed their bedtimes to later hours the problem almost completely disappeared. He seems to want to avoid his bed at all costs. Is it possible this is happening to him? Does he feel caged in with no escape from his thoughts? Reading in bed is not enough of a distraction.
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anonymrs




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:52 am
Some kids with anxiety tend to act up at bedtime.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:09 pm
When I call him up at 9, I mean that I am upstairs and he will first really a snack, shower, and shmooz with me, and then go to bed more like 9:45. However he gets derailed by making a racket upstairs, physically picking on his brothers, etc. That is the issue. He falls asleep quickly and is tired in the morning.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:06 pm
Can you send him out on an errand or anywhere with your husband until the younger children are sleeping?
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:17 pm
I would try the approach from the book the explosive child. https://www.livesinthebalance......rents
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