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Having more cleaning help causing more stress?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:16 am
I recently hired more help. With that came higher expectations. Now when I see things around my house that are dirty im so much more bothered. I really feel like a crazy person! Why cant I just enjoy the extra help and turn a blind eye to everything else?
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:39 am
Why can't you just clean it?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:42 am
Because you raised the bar and now you’re used to the new standard. The more you have, the more you want.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:47 am
Maybe you're not managing them well. But we should all have such problems lol.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:53 am
hodeez wrote:
Why can't you just clean it?


I hired the extra help because of a very full time job, house full of kids bh and a newborn. I didnt want to juggling all that and going to get a rag to start getting rid of dirty finger prints I noticed...
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 9:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I recently hired more help. With that came higher expectations. Now when I see things around my house that are dirty im so much more bothered. I really feel like a crazy person! Why cant I just enjoy the extra help and turn a blind eye to everything else?

Is it stressful because people around you aren't maintaining the cleanliness and leaving things for the cleaning help now?
Or is it that the lady isn't doing such a good job and it's stressing you out because you expect more when putting out so much money?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 10:06 am
ra_mom wrote:
Is it stressful because people around you aren't maintaining the cleanliness and leaving things for the cleaning help now?
Or is it that the lady isn't doing such a good job and it's stressing you out because you expect more when putting out so much money?


I dont think its the money..im generally not a person who stresses a lot over money. I do get stressed out from messes thou. I think I just have much too high a standard and when I didnt have the help id kinda surrender but now that I do I feel like everything should always be sparkling clean. I find myself doing more now that before- organizing closets and what not bec I want everything "perfect".
Its strange I was never perfectionist-y about anything before...
On Thursday I noticed that in my girls room some on the pjs got put away in the wrong kids drawers. I emptied 4 drawers and refolded everything and put them in the proper places. I hate myself for doing that.
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kollel wife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 10:39 am
I'm very much like you - but I don't hate myself for it. I recognize that's me. (Well it took time) I like things very clean and neat. With a newborn, it also makes me more nervous. Yes, it's true, re-folding is time wasting. But I'm ok with it. I don't eat myself over it. That's me. Try to look at it more positively. I like a clean neat, house. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. And I try hard not to get nervous or angry when it's not. If I fixed the pile, I feel happier, and that's ok, because I like it when it's neat like that. I'll feel more nervous when it's messy. Now that my kids are older, my teenage girls appreciate the order/cleanliness and try to duplicate it as well (with a pride, not a bad feeling.)
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 10:46 am
Thanks kollel wife. I like ur perspective...
I dont really hate myself it's the fact the I make organizing drawers a priority when I bh have a lot going on...
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I dont think its the money..im generally not a person who stresses a lot over money. I do get stressed out from messes thou. I think I just have much too high a standard and when I didnt have the help id kinda surrender but now that I do I feel like everything should always be sparkling clean. I find myself doing more now that before- organizing closets and what not bec I want everything "perfect".
Its strange I was never perfectionist-y about anything before...
On Thursday I noticed that in my girls room some on the pjs got put away in the wrong kids drawers. I emptied 4 drawers and refolded everything and put them in the proper places. I hate myself for doing that.

It sounds like you have the capacity now to keep things organized the way you like it. Why hate yourself for it? Embrace it and just enjoy the new rhythm. Just don't get bent out of shape if you don't have the time to fix what you want to. You'll get to it when you get to it or you'll assign it to your helper.

If the stress is that your family members are not maintaining the organization, in the example of your daughter's drawers, happily ask her to come help you organize. You'll do most of it, but with time she'll be experienced enough to be able to do it herself (or with yoir prompting and oversight).
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:33 pm
I’ve found putting away clothes the way I like to be a hard thing for an outsider to catch on to. It’s normal.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:21 pm
When I had my cleaning lady do laundry I would just have her wash and fold clothes but leave them in a pile. Then I would put them away in the proper drawers. Maybe if you do this she will have more time to scrub away fingerprints, and clean toilets. View her as part of your team but do stuff you are particular about yourself.
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kollel wife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:30 pm
I do it even when I have other more important things to do. Like this morning, in the midst of many things I had to do, esp preparing supper, I was scrubbing the outside of the oven. I know preparing supper should come first, and I had to rush later, but I'm not feeling guilty about it. I'm used to it - that I do that. (No one else realizes exactly what order I do everything, that I'm not doing the most important thing first or that while I'm in the bathroom, I've windexed a spot I see on the mirror.)

Also, when something really urgent needs you (baby needs feeding, etc), you do that first. You don't ignore super important things!! Just like the choice you make to quickly read some of the Bina or something like that - you made a choice - you didn't read for 4 hours!!
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:34 pm
I was totally agreeing with your subject title. Yes! More cleaning help causes more stress because I have to make sure that everything is ready for them. Then I read your post and it's about things not being up to standard. I understand how frustrating that is. It's very hard to delegate tasks, because it will not be done the exact way you do things. Is it more of a help or is it a hindrance? If you are still benefiting from all of your help, I wouldn't stress too much about it because you are still ahead of the game. If your help is setting you back, and you are redoing too much, then I think you need to rethink the help.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:36 pm
Aârt from making sure there are products, I don't prep anything
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 2:40 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Aârt from making sure there are products, I don't prep anything


I laugh when I describe to people how I prep before cleaning help comes. I just can't help myself! If the bathroom too messy I need to clean it a little first. If the floor is unclear, I need to pick up stuff first. I know, it defeats the purpose, but to me this is my dignity!
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2019, 3:51 pm
octopus wrote:
I laugh when I describe to people how I prep before cleaning help comes. I just can't help myself! If the bathroom too messy I need to clean it a little first. If the floor is unclear, I need to pick up stuff first. I know, it defeats the purpose, but to me this is my dignity!

I do this because I want the cleaning lady to concentrate on scrubbing and not waste time on organizing. Also because I'd like to know where things are ending up so I can find them when I need them.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2020, 7:58 am
octopus wrote:
I laugh when I describe to people how I prep before cleaning help comes. I just can't help myself! If the bathroom too messy I need to clean it a little first. If the floor is unclear, I need to pick up stuff first. I know, it defeats the purpose, but to me this is my dignity!


I have no dignity I guess. My husband woukd be very angry if I paid someone and cleaned
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2020, 8:11 am
Yes. Absolutely. I gave up one out of 3 days of my cleaning help for this exact reason. I was finding myself really stressed. Glad I did it. I just try and train my kids to do a little bit more and I'll finish. And... I just make peace with my house not being perfect.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2020, 8:19 am
This may not work for everyone, but what I do is I never get cleaning only help. I BH have several littles. None old enough to help. I have someone who comes and we do stuff as needed.

Sometimes I need her to watch the kids so that I can clean. Sometimes she cleans and I watch the kids. I find cleaning only help pretty useless because my kids will run around undoing it and supervising them is really the hardest part.

Each person who has helped me over the years has been a slightly different division of labor. Currently she does the laundry and general cleanup, I do organization, putting away laundry and dishes, and all cooking. We both supervise as needed the kids, and not everything happens every time (for example. on a good week the floors are done... But we can go several weeks without managing to do them depending on stressors).

I do have a slightly unusual situation at the moment but I think that if you have toddlers, consider how to manage the help you get in a way that maximizes the time.
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