How to train really messy kids

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 11:52 am

My two elementary school aged boys make my house a complete wreck.

I know it's my fault. I didn't train them properly when they were younger...

They don't clear the table, they don't make their beds, they leave out every single thing they touch. They don't even put their laundry in the hamper!

I really feel like I'm in a rut.
I can't just start now and make them clean up every single thing.
Any good ideas of where to start? I seriously need help! I can't spend the entire day cleaning up after them!

amother

Coral

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:09 pm

Dh is the youngest and his mom was over it by the time he came around. She didnt train him and the cleaning lady just picked up after him. When I was in shidduchim was father was the FBI when it came to looking into boys. The one thing he never asked was about cleaniness. He didnt know that was something he had to ask about. Turns out this is the #1 fight in our shalom bayis. Im grateful thats what is it, I know it can be a much worse thing we are fighting over but its absolutely disgusting living with a slob. Im embarrassed all the time at the way he leaves things. Changing in your high 20s is a LOT harder than as a kid. Do your future dils a favor a start NOW!

oneofakind

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:18 pm

Call a family meeting. Start a family campaign. Give it a cute name and a offer a fun treat on motzei shabbos for cooperation. List the basic s that have to be done I.e. laundry in hamper, dishes in sink etc. Nightly inspection and grade. High enough grade= treat . yay! Walk them through each job to make sure they know how to do it. Don't assume.

shaqued_almond

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:24 pm

The only way to do it is have them clean all the time. As soon as they are done with something they can't move on to the next thing until this is taken away. No toys, no friends, no snacks, no shower NOTHING. you don't have to scream just wait it out, they can be bored. If they don't know how to clean up sit next to them and be specific " this goes here, good. That goes there, good. " if there's toys that always lay around then neither give them away or put in storage

jewishmom6

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 12:24 pm

oneofakind wrote:

and try charts.
make it ecxiting...

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 1:17 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Love this idea!
Do I start with the whole house or just one thing at time?
One son couldn't care less about prizes. What do I do with him?

stickynotes

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 1:29 pm

I have the same thing with my kids - we made a chart for 4 kids 4 nights. you have to start small. our 4 jobs were 1-clear both kitchen and dr table 2-sweep the floor 3-take out the garbage 4-pack the snacks for the next day. while no one does a perfect job and they like some jobs better than others (they rotate) it works for the most part, if I remind them. another thing we tried to implement is OOTF- which means off of the floor. nothing should be left on the floor, it makes a big difference. we actually don't reward for the nightly jobs. (the erev shabbos jobs they get a special treat after they're done)
making their beds I've tried implementing and it never worked so I ignore it and just go to work;)

mha3484

Tue, Dec 31 2019, 1:35 pm

Pick one task at a time. My kids also dont care about prizes. We do a lot of explaining and talking about good habits. Before we go to sleep, we put our clothes down the laundry chute. Once we finish eating we clear our plate. I make it very matter of fact. No yelling, no drama just this is what we do. I also make sure that any task I ask them do is appropriate for their abilities. I learned this the hard way. I was asking one of my kids in particular to do things that he was not able and it was a HUGE power struggle.

I make a big shtick about how nice it is to live in a clean house. How does it benefit them. Etc. If yoi put your dirty clothes down the laundry chute asap, I will wash them faster then if you leave them on the floor. If you don't want to loose parts of the new toy you got, put it back in the box. Natural consequences.

My oldest is 9 and I had him clean his room last year over winter break to earn something he was asking for and he did a great job but when it was done with he told me it was really gross and he wont let it get that messy again. He was getting ready for bed last night and told me today he will clean off his floor because the mess is bothering him. Hes learning slowly... His school does seder n'kayon every monday which helps too.

I also find that doing a family clean up time helps. Sunday we had a family activity planned and I said to the kids its very hard for me to come home to a messy house so we will all clean up for 20 minutes and then we can have a nice day. If they see everyone is doing it at the same time it helps a lot. I want to train their thought process for the long term to be neat and orderly people.