Why do people use euphemisms instead of the real names?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 4:25 pm

In a different thread, people mentioned that they dont use the real names for some body parts.

I want to understand the reasoning behind why one would use the word arm or eye brow but not pen1s or v@gina? The minute my daughter found that body part, I told her what it was called and that was that, no other make believe name or anything else.

What could be so bad in calling ALL body parts by their real names?

bigsis144

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 4:38 pm

For me, it’s knowing how immature my kids are and not wanting them to repeat it out loud, as well as teaching them through word choice that these parts ARE more private and different than an elbow or eyebrow.

I use correct terminology (p3n1s, test1cles, anu5, etc) about 1/5 of the time, usually in more medical contexts - ex. “It’s very unsafe to stick things in your anu5”, or “the doctor needs to quickly feel your test1cles at your yearly appointment to make sure you are growing properly”.

But I do think a sense of tznius can be imparted by choice of language, so I’ll use euphemisms most of the time - “put on your underwear! Your tushie is a private part, you can’t run around in the dining room like that!” or “make sure to scrub your tushie and your pisher and your armpits in the shower!” (I gotta be specific with my boys 🤦🏻‍♀️)

amother

Smokey

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 4:57 pm

I myself am particular with the language I use, as a matter of refinement of speech. These are not "bad" words, but they feel a little too...coarse for me to use. Yes, I know they are anatomical terms. But I don't use them in conversation (not to DH, or anyone), so I also choose cleaner terms to use with my children.

That being said, I don't judge you for how you speak to yours.

nchr

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:05 pm

If you dont use the words, you should still have separate words for different parts so that if your child has an issue they will be able to articulate where the problem is (I.e. do not call both the front and back a "bum")

amother

Smokey

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:06 pm

nchr wrote:

What's wrong with my child saying the front part of her tushie hurts?

nchr

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:12 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

What's wrong with my child saying the front part of her tushie hurts?

That's still a separate word since you use front. I have relatives whose children say back to mean their back, bum, butthole, lower belly, v@gina, etc. amd I doubt they are the only ones.

Interestingly enough, tushie is a bad word in our house lol. That's cultural I suppose.

bigsis144

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:14 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

What's wrong with my child saying the front part of her tushie hurts?

I don’t even associate “tush” with anything other than one’s rear/bottom/seat.

I think it’s easier with little boys to differentiate between “where urine comes out” and “where p00p comes out”, but for girls, I don’t want the entire pelvic area to be lumped together as some vague “tush”.

Use euphemisms, sure, but specific labels for specific areas are important IMHO.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:16 pm

nchr wrote:

Bad word in our house, too. I am reading this thread and thinking, "Huh?!"

Would give my kids a bad case of the giggles, if I decided to use the word.

Teomima

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 5:42 pm

I have to say I agree with OP. We've almost always used anatomically correct terminology when referring to my children's bodies, even the private parts. If you're very matter-of-fact about it, they're not going to get hung up on something inappropriate. And it's not at all confusing to explain to them that your vulva/pen1s/etc are private parts of your body that your don't show to other people (the swimsuit rule: whatever is covered by a swimsuit is a part of your body that you keep private just for you. We also use this as a good way to learn good touch/bad touch, and how no one else should ever touch you in these parts except Ima/Abba or your doctor, and even then it's only if something is wrong/you ask for help and even with the doctor it's only if Ima or Abba are in the room and know what's going on). I think if anything it draws even more unwanted attention to these body parts if you often use euphemisms. Your kids will realize you call it by something else and wonder why not the real name, and that's when they might try to push boundaries by being inappropriate with names. But if a vulva is always a vulva just like an arm is always an arm, there's nothing to even think about.

LovesHashem

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 6:44 pm

Teomima wrote:

I disagree. Kids will be kids and they go through stages where they run around screaming p00p and tushy on the top of their lungs and think it's hysterical.

Hearing a child yell testicles or v@gina sounds just wayyyy worse.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 6:48 pm

nchr wrote:

I believe in the chassidish world, tush is a "bad" word, while in the non chassidish world, that's typically the word that's used for kids.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 7:09 pm

I don't think it necessarily matters as long as 1. There are distinct words for different parts (pnis vs tsticles, vlva vs vgina etc)
2. The words used still make it obvious what you're talking about. Many of the euphemisms are common enough that we all know what it's referring to.

That second one is super important btw. I read a story (in a secular news outlet) about a child who told her teacher that her uncle touched her cookie. The teacher just chalked it up to the kid wanted a particular cookie but then the uncle touched it and took it for himself. It was many months until some other warning signs that she was being abused were noted, and it turned out, when she'd said cookie, she had been referring to her privates ☹️

amother

Green

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 7:32 pm

We use euphemisms because it's not accepted in society to use the real word. It's way embarrassing for my 3 year old to start talking about his pen1s in public! It was mortifying when he started saying the word "boobs" in school! I have no idea where he learned that word. I had to undo the damage and convince him that they're called "nursies".
That's just how you talk to kids. The non-jewish kids I work with say "peepee and poopoo", and my kids (and many frum kids I work with) say "pupi and tushie". It's more kid friendly.

amother

Denim

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 7:54 pm

“ Come here Chaim let me wipe your backside”
“ Leah remember to scrub your private part, and make sure to reach till your clit0ris”
Sara you can only touch mommy’s breast, don’t bite my nipples”

Hear ya

miami85

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 8:09 pm

fwiw, the Torah doesn't use the "Real names" b/c of tznius, so we learn from that model. And also kids just don't have a filter and they "know" what the words are and love to use them at inappropriate times. I mean we use the word "tush". If I had a reason to use the word I would probably use it, but I have not found a real reason to do so. I dont' see how it "protects" our children to know the real names more than saying "if ANYONE besides a parent or doctor (with mommy present at all times) or maybe a preschool morah helping you in the bathroom (though my preschooler is independent in the bathrooom) touches you down there you tell mommy"

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 2:08 am

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

But this is partially what bothers me. Why is calling ALL body parts by their actual names dirty? Thats already saying something to kids.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 2:12 am

nchr wrote:

Please explain. Tushie is just one's behind, in yiddish.