Need a dorm yeshiva for smart kids with some behavior issues

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 9:48 pm

Looking for dorming yeshiva options. Needs a high level of learning but he can also be behavior problem, he's quirky. I don't know of any yeshiva that can handle behavior issues but also learns on a high level and is not full of other issues. He is very much black hat, but not looking for something greasy. Any location in the U.S. or possibly Israel if it was an English speaking high school (if that even exists). Any ideas?

amother

Wine

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 9:52 pm

Wilksbarre pa has a small yeshivah

amother

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:06 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Wilksbarre pa has a small yeshivah

do you know the name?

is it black hat? only white shirt/dress pants for weekday? (That's what he needs)

amother

Brown

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:10 pm

Shaar hatorah in queens

miami85

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:24 pm

Perhaps Rochester, NY? I know someone similar description who is there and R' Polatoff has had a big hashpa'ah on him.

shanie5

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

do you know the name?

is it black hat? only white shirt/dress pants for weekday? (That's what he needs)

No, it does not fit your description of what your son needs.

tryinghard

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 11:22 pm

miami85 wrote:

Perhaps Rochester, NY? I know someone similar description who is there and R' Polatoff has had a big hashpa'ah on him.

Guess it depends what behavior issues. They are not looking to import major problems, but they do amazing things with the boys they do accept. My husband was a rebbe there until this year, so feel free to PM me or ask here for any info.

BUT

If the dress code is a major issue, don’t bother looking into it. Rochester’s dress code is button down shirt of any color, dark neat pants (no cords or khakis or cargo, just chinos or the like). Black velvet yarmulka though.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:24 am

tryinghard wrote:

This looks like a really good yeshiva. Unfortunately my son does focus on the yeshivish externals and he would want an all black/white dress code.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:30 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Shaar hatorah in queens

This might be more along the lines of hashkafa. Do they have behavior issues though?

tryinghard

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 8:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This looks like a really good yeshiva. Unfortunately my son does focus on the yeshivish externals and he would want an all black/white dress code.

There are some kids who do wear black and white, it’s a mix. You might want to have a conversation with Rabbi Polatoff. Next Sunday night (1/12) is the Yeshiva dinner - they are holding it in Hewlett (closer to more alumni 😁) so most of the hanhala will be in the NY area. Could be your kid can be won over if you decide it’s the right place for him.

As a kid, we moved to Monsey from out of town and I couldn’t function in a mainstream yeshivish school (my elementary was a community day school, a lot of non frum kids, and a few yeshivish). My parents ultimately had to put me in a school that was much more modern than they liked (chofetz Chaim family). Teachers were almost all yeshivish, a few RWMO, but kids were all MO - I was one of the only girls who wore skirts outside of school. I ended up doing really well there, and the hashkafa thing wasn’t a problem: I perceived myself to be “frummer” and I held MYSELF to higher standards, but had strong enough social skills not to act snobby or with superiority.

My point being, your son can dress how he wants, and it may not be terrible for him to be in a more “modern” environment than HE thinks is ideal. He can gravitate towards other “black and whites”. It may all be good for him.

Of course if he is dead set against it, it’s unlike to work out well. So maybe look into it, speak to some people, and see where you get.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 9:09 am

Quirky, as in a little socially off, or behavioral issues like he cannot get along well with other boys, disrespects authority, has fits of anger?

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 9:21 am

tryinghard wrote:

I totally understand how this worked for you and I personally would have no issue at all sending him to a less yeshivish environment, the problem is he will not have the tact, social skills, seichel, whatever we want to call it, to not comment and get into discussions about the external yeshivish things and I think it will be a problem. I have to see what other options there are.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 9:26 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Quirky, as in a little socially off, or behavioral issues like he cannot get along well with other boys, disrespects authority, has fits of anger?

quirky as in slightly lacking social skills but can struggle with getting along well with other boys and annoy them. Not an issue with disrespecting authority like principals or rebbeim, but will sometimes not respect a weak personality english teacher. Does not have fits of anger.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 9:37 am

I can't get a good handle on your son, but a smaller OOT yeshivish yeshiva may work. I'm not 100% sure but somewhere like Mesivta of West Bloomfield or South Bend where the rabbeim can really be metapel and help with the boys working out some of these social issues and understanding it's still part of their ongoing development -- those types of places may be a good fit. Yes, black/white.

ETA: Just saw the post above mine, I do think you should look into MWB.

tryinghard

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You mean he’s a teenage boy? 😜 I hear you!
Hatzlacha Raba!

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