I’m broke! Vent | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 9:54 pm

We have 5 kids. Not by choice. Apparently birth control doesn’t rlly work that well for me. Live in Brooklyn. Our oldest (girl) is in high school. Our youngest few months old. We can barely pay mortgage and basic bills. We had to borrow money to get by and having a very difficult time paying back. Forget about clothes and extras that the kids need like pads for their periods and new tights because all the other ones ripped behind repair. I don’t work because I figured out it’s cheaper to keep 2 youngest at home than go out to work and send one to school and one to babysitter. Camp is coming up and we have NO money to pay. It’s a necessity for my girls. This is where they excel in life and when they go it brings up their self worth tremendously! Our girls keep asking for things that we cannot buy them. Like Shabbos/weekday clothes. Boots. Shabbos coat. Right now they have bare basics. I’m desperate for more cleaning help. For new sheitel. For a gym membership. To go out with friends at night. To go out with husband at night. For new mattress (ours are 16 years old). I can go on about all the material things I can really use to make my life easier. But for whatever reason hashem has given us this nisayon. I daven it doesn’t last too much longer. The end.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:04 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

More cleaning help, a new sheitel, gym membership, new mattress, go out with friends.

I’m not broke, but those things are way down on my “needs” list.

Yes. I don’t mean to judge (I’m fairly broke myself) but none of those are in the same category as menstrual pads and tights. None of those are necessities. At all. If you girls don’t have PADS then cleaning help at all seems like a ridiculous extravagance

allthingsblue

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:06 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

More cleaning help, a new sheitel, gym membership, new mattress, go out with friends.

I’m not broke, but those things are way down on my “needs” list.

Not sure if I understood your post correctly- I hope you're not dismissing op's feelings. Everyone has different needs but when you're so squeezed that you can't afford basics for your kids (pads and clothing are basics, and camp is not strictly a basic but I can see why it would be highly beneficial and why op would be sad if she she couldn't offer that), then it becomes even harder to not have things that would make life a little bit sweeter or more comfortable such as that new sheitel or gym membership.

amother

Mint

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:09 pm

My mattress is 20 years old. I dont have a gym membership, neither do my kids. I recently splurged on $50 weights for my boys.
I haven't had cleaning help in over a decade. I work fulltime, but cant afford any extras.
My dd went to a cheap teen camp twice, and then worked in a different camp as staff. She loved it.

Bh I can afford detergent and pads. The rest is a luxury. If your mattress is awful, see if your neighborhood has a free furniture exchange.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:16 pm

You can try getting a mattress pillow top or foam top. It can take a bad mattress and make it way better. If the middle of the mattress sags, take a measuring tape to see how much it’s sagging and make a pile of old large towels half folded to that height and put under mattress. I did all this with my bad mattress and it worked wonders B”H!

lavenderchimes

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:16 pm

I have some shells and tights that are way too small for me - idk if they would fit you or your girls - the shells are Kiki Riki size XXL, and I only wore one of them once. The tights have never been worn, and I'm not sure about the size, but if you can't use them, maybe you know someone who can! I would be so happy to see them go to a good home:) I also live in Brooklyn. PM me if you're interested!

gold21

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:45 pm

I'm so sorry that you're broke.

Firstly- clothes, menstrual pads, tights, etc are necessities. A new mattress and gym membership are luxuries. Important to differentiate.

My mattress is over 14 years old. Am I supposed to replace it or something? How often do mattresses need to be replaced? Or is there something wrong with your mattress? Like is it cheaply made and falling apart? Maybe you can get a new one secondhand.

A gym membership would be nice, but brisk walking/ jogging in a park, or wherever you feel comfortable, is free. That's what I do, when I have time to exercise.

How old is your wig? Can you afford a secondhand wig from a secondhand wig retailer?

Outings with friends don't have to cost much money. You can go out for coffee or for drinks. That's what I did with a friend recently. I got a coffee. She got a muffin and a coffee. If I remember correctly.

Same thing for outings with your husband.

But anyway, necessities must come first. Luxuries are luxuries. Necessities are necessities.

How old are the children that you're keeping home with you? If you live in NYC, there's a new 3K program for nursery. And don't forget UPK for kindergarten. I don't think UPK is specific to NYC only. Not exactly sure.

Good Luck....

Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

imorethanamother

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 10:46 pm

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

I hear you loud and clear. I didn’t have money to buy laundry detergent to wash our dirty clothes until a few days ago. It’s a struggle.

Amother, can you PM me? Would love to help out.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 11:39 pm

I understand your pain as I am in the same situation. No money for even basics.
My kids have gone to friends to take showers because we didnt have any soap. I have used dishwashing soap for laundry detergent because I was desperate.
I think twice before getting a dollar cup of coffee whenI am out.
I got a gift card to a coffee shop near me so that is the only way I could get a cup of coffee out of the house.

My kids asked their friends for maaser money so they could go buy clothing. I own one sheitel which I bought used 6 years ago which I wear every single day. I never get it washed because I cant be without it and I never have the money to bring it to get it washed. I tried doing it myself but it never looks decent enough.
We are driving over 20 yr old cars because we cant afford to get a newer car.

I have not bought a coat in 12 yrs. and when I did buy one a few years ago it was from the second hand store which I bought for 5 dollars and that was a struggle.
The list goes on.
I just daven nothing breaks in my house because it could never get fixed if it costs money.

There is an organization called Olem Chesed which gives out mattresses and household items. I got very nice towels from them maybe you could give them a call.
It defiantly is a struggle.

Wishing you hatzlacha.

gold21

Wed, Jan 01 2020, 11:48 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

Wow.

Any clothing gemachs near you?

amother

Beige

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:36 am

I hope this isn't upsetting, but I want to thank you for this thread. I've been feeling pretty depressed about our car breaking down and we can't afford to fix or replace it, and that I desperately want to register my DD for preschool and my girls for camp before registration closes, but I don't have money for the registration fees. (We get a nearly complete scholarship for camp itself.)

I was taught that in Ruchnius we look at someone with more than us, and in Gashmius we look at someone with less than us. Thank you for reminding me how good we really have it.

May Hashem turn your situation around quickly!

watergirl

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 6:30 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

I’m wondering if OP meant to type something different? Because it looks like she said forget about extras like pads. I hope that does not mean the girls have no pads because thats an extra and not a necessity. Cleaning help is usually the first thing to go, especially for a stay at home mom. Pads and tights come before cleaning help.

Re: boots - is it winter boots or fashion boots? There are gmachs with winter boots, or imas here who tend to have boots to give away. Things like fashion boots and shabbos coats are seriously luxuries, where I live, no one has a separate shabbos coat.

People have posted about a store/gmach in lakewood that people say has amazing things.

OP, what work can you do from home to bring in at least $50/month more so your teenage girls can have pads? Can you advertise as a drop in babysitter for days when the normal sitter cancels? Anything else?

Davening that your mazel soon changes!

Last edited by watergirl on Thu, Jan 02 2020, 7:57 am; edited 1 time in total