I’m broke! Vent | Imamother

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

I’m broke! Vent

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 6:59 am

gold21 wrote:

I'm so sorry that you're broke.

Firstly- clothes, menstrual pads, tights, etc are necessities. A new mattress and gym membership are luxuries. Important to differentiate.

My mattress is over 14 years old. Am I supposed to replace it or something? How often do mattresses need to be replaced? Or is there something wrong with your mattress? Like is it cheaply made and falling apart? Maybe you can get a new one secondhand.

A gym membership would be nice, but brisk walking/ jogging in a park, or wherever you feel comfortable, is free. That's what I do, when I have time to exercise.

How old is your wig? Can you afford a secondhand wig from a secondhand wig retailer?

Outings with friends don't have to cost much money. You can go out for coffee or for drinks. That's what I did with a friend recently. I got a coffee. She got a muffin and a coffee. If I remember correctly.

Same thing for outings with your husband.

But anyway, necessities must come first. Luxuries are luxuries. Necessities are necessities.

How old are the children that you're keeping home with you? If you live in NYC, there's a new 3K program for nursery. And don't forget UPK for kindergarten. I don't think UPK is specific to NYC only. Not exactly sure.

Good Luck....

Can you share more info about the 3k program? Is it income based?

Thanks

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 8:14 am

Thx all for being sympathetic. Bh yes we can buy our girls pads. They like specific ones but it’s another expense. The community we belong to has unwritten rules like Shabbos coats. So it’s non negotiable. Regarding cleaning help I’m home with all day with 3 month old and 2 ye old. There is no way I’d b able to work as well. For me cleaning help is a necessity. I cannot clean and care for the babies and make sure food ready for older kids and be there emotionally for older kids and husband. My husband works really long hours 16-18 hr days. And many times works motzei Shabbos too. We have no family in tristate area so it’s really difficult to be dealing with this on our own. I think the hardest part is having to tell our older kids no to so many things when all/many their friends have or go to whatever/wherever they’re asking. I also don’t think people realize we have no money. We have always been small spenders. Don’t take kids on vacation or wear high end clothes. So when I started to tell some close friends they laughed and staid I’m being sooo dramatic. I’m definitely going to be taking the advice regarding cheaper outings with friends! Thank you!! I hope hashem gives us the Bracha to be on the giving end again soon

naturalmom5

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 8:26 am

OP, Its a shame you don't live in Lakewood

I have guest priviledges on my gym membership and I never use it, and Im lonely.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:39 am

Baruch HaShem I work and my husband works full time we cannot work any more hours than we do and usually it’s fine all obligatory bills are covered with a tiny drop left over and we’re okay while some people might not be comfortable like that as long as we manage to pay bills and give maeser money I am content but comes a holiday and a simcha and an IRS quarterly payment and a broken refrigerator I am left with a deficit and not sure how to pay for it all everybody has a peckel and I am grateful we’re healthy and the expenses are not a huge medical deductible and I will keep davening and hopefully HaShem takes care of it at least to the point where he guides me how much to pay who and when. I keep telling myself others have even less and are even happier and somehow more secure than I am. I hope HaShem sends you an yeshua for your bills meanwhile I will continue to purchase one lotto ticket a week just in case HaShem wants to send a huge windfall I am happy to provide an outlet

gold21

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:17 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Can you share more info about the 3k program? Is it income based?

Thanks

It's for nursery

Not income based as far as I know

Tons of info online

You need to find a school near you that has implemented the program. (It's still quite new.)

Free schooling. Pretty awesome.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:37 am

OP I just want to give you a hug and tell you that I get you.
I was broke and am very very slowly getting out of it. It's so hard. Always pushing off what the kids keep asking for. I was tired of telling them tomorrow, maybe, next week, next year (for things they really needed).

I have one baby home which is different than 2 but I'm working from home now, 4 hours a day. Can you find something even twice a week from home? Or two hours a day from home? There are jobs out there.

I want to bentch you that you should merit abundance. Healthy and happily.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:39 am

I know many people whose girls work first half of summer to help pay for 2nd half teen camp. Working gives these girls a lot of self esteem as well. they really feel good about themselves. Hoping things turn around for you.

livinginflatbus

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:43 am

Op would you post an email address where you can be reached ? I can’t help much but would love to help with some basics .

livinginflatbus

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:45 am

Regarding the outings with Husband or friends , it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money . I don’t know where you live but a free activity like walking the Brooklyn bridge is awesome and can make a world of difference in your mood .

amother

Maroon

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:54 am

I work full time and also had no money to pay this past summer for camp. I literally had to beg money from tzedakah just to get thru. It was so painful. I also have no money for regular grocery shopping and am lucky enough to purchase at a wonderful grocery that lets me pay on credit up until approx 5-6k, at which point, I also get tzedakah and slowly pay off. Such is the life.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:55 am

My children have been asking me for new shoes, new briefcases, the list never ends and although there are sales, I won't buy anything now bec haven't paid this past month's rent yet!

amother

Purple

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:56 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Pads for two teenage girls should not cost more than $10/month. I buy the no-brand packs for 3.75 each at a discount store.

I'd be happy to PayPal funds if you post an email address.

I recently started using reusable pads. It costs a bit more at first but after that it costs nothing. I just put them in with the black loads. And it's so nice not to have to worry about running out.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:18 pm

I'm sorry you are going through this, but a lot of the things you listed are luxuries that not everyone can afford either. I would love to send my kids to camp too for the same reasons as you but can't afford it and can't afford cleaning help either. I have an old mattress too and cant afford the membership to the women's Jewish gym either...etc.....(although I use youtube for exercise....and go with friends walking as an outing which is free...(except I dont always have time).

I hope your situation improves.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:41 pm

gold21 wrote:

It's for nursery

Not income based as far as I know

Tons of info online

You need to find a school near you that has implemented the program. (It's still quite new.)

Free schooling. Pretty awesome.

What's the name of the program?thanks

Eta: it's called 3k! Lol not sure how I missed that..
There is NOTHING avail on Brooklyn, closes is linden near queens

amother

Lime

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:02 pm

OP, I can relate to most of what you wrote

I struggled to pay bills for as long as I can remember, BH, we're now getting out of the hole. In my case, my DH is underemployed and I had to work even with babies. I went years without a drop of help, I worked from home, doing anything and everything for a few dollars, watching others kids, cooking, baking for others, doing odd stuff on computer.
It was very difficult, but I didn't have a choice.

MY kids went to camp half a summer and worked the other half to help pay, the only way I could swing it even with scholarships.

I replaced mattresses after 20 years and only because we had a flood and they ruined and were covered. Replacing earlier was not an option despite the need.

Dates are walks in parks or on a nicer street, the library, book stores. We only do free dates.
My exercise was taking kids out in carriage and power walking, wether with a friend or myself, I got to exercise, kids got their outing, even in cold weather, just not snow. Plus tons of exercise routines online for free.

As important as cleaning help is, you have to prioritize for teenagers, they can be held responsible for parts of their expenses but need to feel security too, only if you can do it though.

I know you have two babies, but you are the parent and have the responsibility to figure it out, a huge majority of mothers of young kids work full time with no cleaning help. It's very difficult, but there aren't many choices if you want to cover your bills.

Sheitels are needed but new ones are definitely a luxury, I'm desperate now despite being better off than I've been in the past, so I get it!

For me, staying home with kids was a priority, so I made sure to have some work during this years, it was very very difficult, but had no choice.

It seem like you're resentful for having these kids and can't take responsibility for their wellbeing-this is something you should deal with.
I hope I don't come across as harsh, I've been there and worked hard to have what my family needed to overcome the difficulties.
I forgot to mention, all but one of my kids have special needs, not very severe, but need many therapies, accommodations and in general, more time and energy.

Kids are grown up and I now work full time.

I hope things improve for you.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 3:24 am

Op, can you perhaps set up an acct where we can send you some money? Different cultures have different stresses and peer pressures. In my daughter's school everyone gets boots and most go to camp. Maybe others can't relate but sometimes for a teenager these things are not a luxury. Lots of hugs. May your mazel change and may you be on the giving end soon.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jan 08 2020, 6:25 am

[quote="amother [ Indigo ]"]Op, can you perhaps set up an acct where we can send you some money?

Bumping up. Can we help you OP?

President

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 7:55 pm

There's an organization in Brooklyn called Bobby's where they give one shabbes and one weekday dress every season per child. They have new current season clothing and are set up like a store for the kids dignity.

yonabets

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 8:21 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Pads for two teenage girls should not cost more than $10/month. I buy the no-brand packs for 3.75 each at a discount store.

I'd be happy to PayPal funds if you post an email address.

👏👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

yonabets

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 8:23 pm

livinginflatbus wrote:

Op would you post an email address where you can be reached ? I can’t help much but would love to help with some basics .

❤️👏❤️👏❤️👏❤️👏

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