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Am I handling this properly?

Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

OP

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 7:48 am

My 5 and a half year old suddenly decided he only likes 3 out of his approx 10-12 tops for yeshiva. His three favorites are cozy sweatshirts. Every morning he puts up the biggest fuss when those sweatshirts aren't clean (I cannot do laundry so often! I have other things to do, I am human and I simply forget, and I am not a slave- I don't think I need to wash his laundry every 3 days!). He has plenty of comfy tshirts that he used to like but suddenly he insists he doesn't want to wear them.
I decided to tell him "you're a big boy,
Please figure it out. If you're not ready on time for your bus, you will not go to yeshiva today."
I can't be busy with this all morning and
I don't want to fight with him every morning- I'd rather be matter of fact and let him deal with it. (He does so very dramatically.)
Am I wrong?
I don't want to buy more sweatshirts because a) we are on a budget, b) he needs to learn and c) he can easily wake up and decide he doesn't like the new sweatshirts either.

2

banana123

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 7:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My 5 and a half year old suddenly decided he only likes 3 out of his approx 10-12 tops for yeshiva. His three favorites are cozy sweatshirts. Every morning he puts up the biggest fuss when those sweatshirts aren't clean (I cannot do laundry so often! I have other things to do, I am human and I simply forget, and I am not a slave- I don't think I need to wash his laundry every 3 days!). He has plenty of comfy tshirts that he used to like but suddenly he insists he doesn't want to wear them.
I decided to tell him "you're a big boy,
Please figure it out. If you're not ready on time for your bus, you will not go to yeshiva today."
I can't be busy with this all morning and
I don't want to fight with him every morning- I'd rather be matter of fact and let him deal with it. (He does so very dramatically.)
Am I wrong?
I don't want to buy more sweatshirts because a) we are on a budget, b) he needs to learn and c) he can easily wake up and decide he doesn't like the new sweatshirts either.

Sounds like you did great.

But I would have said "you'll go to yeshiva in your pajamas today." My kids would jump at the chance to stay home, so that would make my day triply tough but be a prize for them.
Just make sure he has a proper shirt in his backpack when you send him off.

5

amother

Gold

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 7:52 am

The consequence you set is logical, does he like yeshiva enough that the consequence will motivate him?

In general, having this conversation when he is not in the moment in calm way when the bus isn't coming will go over more effectively.

Maybe you can have this conversation again at a different time and spell out the difficulty with his solutions until he finds a way that works to solve this.

1

ectomorph

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 7:54 am

Sounds fine although I'm amazed there exist people who don't do a load a day. Flylady says, " a load a day keeps Mt. Washmore away". But I need to do laundry every day so we'll have clothes.

5

amother

OP

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 8:31 am

ectomorph wrote:

Sounds fine although I'm amazed there exist people who don't do a load a day. Flylady says, " a load a day keeps Mt. Washmore away". But I need to do laundry every day so we'll have clothes.

I am washing almost every day, but often it's whites, delicates etc or other things that cannot be washed together with his sweatshirts.

Not going to yeshiva is consequence enough for now; I would never threaten to send him in pjs because it's not a threat I can follow through on- that would be humiliating for him.

He knows if he's home due to a consequence, he does not get any "sick Day" privileges, I.e. Watching videos or treats. He'd be bored...

I did change the way his clothing are folded, so he can now see everything in his drawer more easily. I will have a conversation with him later today to see if we can find a solution, and I will bli neder wash his favorite sweatshirts today as well (Sunday, so I have more time on my hands).

Thanks for helping me check in with myself!
I had a dysfunctional mother so it's a constant balance to find a healthy normal! Thanks everyone.

3

banana123

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 8:33 am

ectomorph wrote:

Sounds fine although I'm amazed there exist people who don't do a load a day. Flylady says, " a load a day keeps Mt. Washmore away". But I need to do laundry every day so we'll have clothes.

I do a load every day but not everything gets washed every day. There's whites, colors, blacks, towels...

4

amother

Blue

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 8:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am washing almost every day, but often it's whites, delicates etc or other things that cannot be washed together with his sweatshirts.

Not going to yeshiva is consequence enough for now; I would never threaten to send him in pjs because it's not a threat I can follow through on- that would be humiliating for him.

He knows if he's home due to a consequence, he does not get any "sick Day" privileges, I.e. Watching videos or treats. He'd be bored...

I did change the way his clothing are folded, so he can now see everything in his drawer more easily. I will have a conversation with him later today to see if we can find a solution, and I will bli neder wash his favorite sweatshirts today as well (Sunday, so I have more time on my hands).

Thanks for helping me check in with myself!
I had a dysfunctional mother so it's a constant balance to find a healthy normal! Thanks everyone.

Well I think your reacting splendidly!
Way to go!

4

hodeez

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 9:05 am

You're doing great

4

polka dots

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 9:55 am

You sound like a great mom.

Look your trying this. If it works then 👍🏻. If it doesn’t you’ll need to see what to do then.

3

Just One

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 9:59 am

Love your reply! Got across exactly the message he needed to hear while putting him in control. Great job!

1

amother

Salmon

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 10:04 am

its tricky
he is five
the weather has changed
these things do bother some kids more than others
I wouldn't call it catering to him if there is a way to address his preference as well as not going to a ridiculous amount of trouble...
can you just dunk it in the sink with detergent and hang it to dry or something? or toss it in the dryer? how dirty is he really getting them
if you can find a way you can still let him know the limitations ex. not buying more and you'll try but if not whats his second best choice prepared in advance etc....
good luck

2

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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