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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
What’s with the pushing and shoving at simchas?!
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 6:46 am
Just have to add that I haven't noticed any pushing for food. Maybe, maybe if it's super crowded some occasional pushing or bumping happens, but not necessarily regarding the food.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 6:51 am
meyerlemon44 wrote:
It's not just pushing and shoving; the frum world allows a lot of rudeness that would never fly in the secular world. (I remember going to wedding where dozens of the frummer relatives stood chatting and letting their kids play in the back of the room during the chuppah.)


you ever went into some non classy [gentile] circles? chatting is the least
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 8:06 am
Ruchel wrote:
you ever went into some non classy [gentile] circles? chatting is the least


Their crowd is by the booze. Very Happy

I have been pushed out of my shoes at a chessed event. I have been shoved to get food. I refuse to push and shove for food.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 8:48 am
Forget the pushing & shoving for a moment. I've been to mixed frum/[edit] events, where the community puts the menu together. One thing I can tell you, the frum contributed food generously while the [edit] only came to eat!
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 8:55 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
Forget the pushing & shoving for a moment. I've been to mixed frum/[edit] events, where the community puts the menu together. One thing I can tell you, the frum contributed food generously while the [edit] only came to eat!
what does this even mean? [edit]
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 9:29 am
thunderstorm wrote:
what does this even mean? [edit]

Just to rephrase: The frum people are those that OP is referring to. The "mannered" ones are those that didn't contribute & only came to eat.
And if you agree with me that frum people are just as mannered (because this is truly my belief), then this whole chat is null and void.
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sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 10:20 am
I've never experienced pushing at a simcha except once at a bris. There wasn't enough food, and people were genuinely hungry!
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 12:08 pm
unfortunately I think it's areal and I think it has to do with economics ("I have 100 left from this month's paycheck and it's going to the wedding gift" = "I'm spending 100 dollars to attend this wedding" = "You better believe I'm gonna take my 100 dollars worth of food, no matter what").
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 12:52 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
unfortunately I think it's areal and I think it has to do with economics ("I have 100 left from this month's paycheck and it's going to the wedding gift" = "I'm spending 100 dollars to attend this wedding" = "You better believe I'm gonna take my 100 dollars worth of food, no matter what").


I don't see this at weddings, but I definitely have heard about Pesach programs!
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 1:09 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
unfortunately I think it's areal and I think it has to do with economics ("I have 100 left from this month's paycheck and it's going to the wedding gift" = "I'm spending 100 dollars to attend this wedding" = "You better believe I'm gonna take my 100 dollars worth of food, no matter what").


so you're not gifting the couple you're going out to eat for the evening with that attitude.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 2:17 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
unfortunately I think it's areal and I think it has to do with economics ("I have 100 left from this month's paycheck and it's going to the wedding gift" = "I'm spending 100 dollars to attend this wedding" = "You better believe I'm gonna take my 100 dollars worth of food, no matter what").

You don’t HAVE to give a wedding gift . Of course it’s the nice thing to do. But if you don’t have the funds and are so strapped that the wedding food needs to fill in for that wedding gift then don’t give a gift. I promise you that the baalei simcha are happy to put food out and would rather have people behave with manners and proper behavior at their simcha than receive a gift from someone who really can’t afford it.
I have never made a simcha based on who’s going to bring me a gift. I want people to attend my simcha to share in the simcha. This type of thinking must be in certain specific circles, which I’m not familiar with.
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